Heisman Trash Talk

Late start on the trash today. Not that it matters I guess since there is no longer any football on Saturday, save for the Army/Navy game (Go Midhipmen!) and some FCS Division One game between Georgia Southern and Old Dominion. But there is the Heisman announcement. I have no idea why this is even a question, but apparently there is suddenly a bogus groundswell to give the trophy to some defensive player on the fourth best (at most) team in the country. What is a Manatee Teo anyway?

In all seriousness, Manti Te’o seems to be a really outstanding young man. He is the first person ever to win the Butkus award at both the high school and college level and is an Academic All American to boot. Te’o is also one hell of a football player, and with the way he is all over the field and leads the Notre Dame defense, he would be a worthy recipient of the coveted award. But there has only ever been one true defensive player to win the Heisman, Michigan’s Charles Woodson, and he also was a very skilled kick returner. So, to win, Te’o would be the first defense only man ever.

By the same token the totally awesome Johnny Football, aka Johnny Manziel, would be the first ever freshman to win the Heisman. What are Mr. Football’s bona fides? Oh, well, he blew onto the scene and blew away Cam Newton and Tim Tebow’s records in leading Texas A&M to a 10-2 record in their first year in the vaunted SEC and a huge victory over Nick Saban and Alabama….in Tuscaloosa. Passed for nearly 3,500 yards and rushed for nearly 1,200. His total of 4,600 yards of total offense is the most in the history of the SEC.

Colin Klein of Kansas State is the other finalist taken to the festivities in New York. Klein was an early favorite but now seems to be behind the efforts of Te’o and Manziel. Klein led his team to a 11-1 season and a big win against Oklahoma.

So, who is the winner? As much as I dislike Notre Dame, Manti Te’o is a remarkable young man and he is the heart and soul of the Irish defense. He is almost Polamalu like in his ability to be everywhere on the field. But Notre Dame would still have an excellent defense without him. Johnny Football is a one man wrecking crew who puts up the points; he is everything for the Aggies. Manziel is the closest thing to Doug Flutie in terms of skills and excitement I have ever seen. If I had a Heisman vote, it would go to Johnny Football hands down.

Hey, are you listening to Dave Brubeck yet?? You should be, cause he is – was – some kind of awesome. Everybody knows Take Five, the quintessential jazz song ever. So I started off with Take the A Train instead. But you cannot talk Brubeck without Take Five, so it is here too, along with a completely nutters piece called The Unsquare Dance. Brubeck was one of a kind, and will be missed.

Okay, back to football! Of the professional variety! Yay! The game of the week to me is Ravens at Skins. Huge playoff bye and seeding implications for Baltimore and a great late season test for the Redskins to see if they are for real. This is what football is all about. Ravens are hurting, Ray Ray Lewis is still out and Terrell Suggs has a torn bicep on one of his wings. But Suggs is one tough cookie, cause he is from Arizona baybee. Bet you didn’t know Suggs was a running back in high school here, and once ran for 367 yards in a game (still the state record I believe). But the offensive side of the ball belongs to RGIII now. I think the Skins are gonna win this and make a run at the G-Men for the East.

The Jets will be in Jacksonville for I guess what might be called the Pathetic Tebowl; gotta wonder what kind of train wreck that will be. Sexy Rexy Ryan is going back to Buttfumble Sanchez at QB. Yeah, good luck with that. Drew Brees and the Saints may give the Giants all they can handle. The Saints are dangerous when people start calling them the Ain’ts, so it may not be an easy for Eli. The real games are the night affairs. Detroit at Green Bay Sunday night should be awesome. I mean, really, what could be better than a night football game in Lambeau in December? If the Kittehs can get enough players out of the clink on pre-trial release, they may even make a game of it. It may be on the Frozen Tundra, but the Cheese better pay attention.

The best is saved for last and Monday Night. The 11-1 Houston Texans and the 9-3, and coming on fast, Pats. The big news here is that Giselle just popped! It’s a girl, and I think her name is Veronica Lake. I am guessing Tom can’t make the game cause he is baby sitting. So, while Mr. Brady changes poopy diapers, Bill Bel will have to figure out how to stop Arian foster and JJ Watt. The Texans do not get enough credit for how good they really are on both sides of the ball. However, the Pats suddenly have remembered how to run the ball with Steven Ridley already over 1,000 yards for the year. Gronk and Edelman are still out, so Welker and Hernandez will have to continue to pick up the slack. Should be a great game.

And there is your trash. Take it out to play. Take Five.

Bmaz is a rather large saguaro cactus in the Southwestern Sonoran desert. A lover of the Constitution, law, family, sports, food and spirits. As you might imagine, a bit prickly occasionally. Bmaz has attended all three state universities in Arizona, with both undergraduate and graduate degrees from Arizona State University, and with significant post-graduate work (in physics and organic chemistry, go figure) at both the University of Colorado in Boulder and the University of Arizona. Married, with both a lovely child and a giant Sasquatch dog. Bmaz has been a participant on the internet since the early 2000’s, including active participation in the precursor to Emptywheel, The Next Hurrah. Formally joined the Emptywheel blog as an original contributing member at its founding in 2007. Bmaz grew up around politics, education, sports and, most significantly, cars; notably around Formula One racing and Concours de Elegance automobile restoration and showing. Currently lives in the Cactus Patch with his lovely wife and beast of a dog, and practices both criminal and civil trial law.
84 replies
  1. JTMinIA says:

    Maybe I missed it, but what did you think of the whole “did Vettel pass under a yellow” broo-ha-ha, bmaz? Not the passes that the idiots at Sky1 focused on, which were clearly fine; the pass of Vergne. And regardless of whether you can see a green flag being waved, what did you think of the public exchange of insults between Bernie and Luca?

    IMO (if you care), yes, there was a green flag at a previous station and, so, yes, it was a fine pass and Vettel is champ. But Bernie cannot justify saying what he did after over-ruling the exact same thing in the opposite direction previously. Yes, yes, the rules have changed since Monaco 2010, but once you have made yourself out to be a random or capricious king, there’s no going back.

  2. bmaz says:

    @JTMinIA: I have no issue with Vettel’s pass. Vergne, as a Red Bull supplied team, was going to let him by anyway. Non-issue in my book. Alonso may not have won the crown, but that he got so close with that car is truly astounding. Vettel earned the title fair and square in spite of Fernando’s heroics.

  3. rosalind says:

    in honor of Dave Brubeck (and my first week of ukulele lessons), i give you Brittni Paiva’s killer uke version of “Take Five”:

  4. JohnLopresti says:

    Pretty much out of the Heisman historic loop, am I today; yet, still recognize the Brubeck video and tune. The elderly popular easy listening jazz composer Brubeck passed away three days ago. He got his harmonic structures from training with the early 20th century French composer Darius Milhaud in Mills College Oakland CA, Raiders town nowadays. When In college in Boston I studied with a schoolboy who mooniighted in jazz venues, and Brubeck repertoire was standard fare, around the time Bob Dylan was Freewheelin’, early sixties. Theose were two very disparate genres of music. And we all benefitted from the transition to Dylan from Milhaud.

    An acquaintance recently photographed Brubeck, a few years back, in a jazz encore concert in California. The above-linked article’s accompanying photo is a warm, and flattering image of Brubeck compared to the sort of overly structured presentation he made toward the end of his life.

  5. Bay State Librul says:

    Pedro Martinez went 117-37 during a seven year stint with the Red Sox

    “I was clean. I know I was clean. That’s all I can say. I was out there and they got the best out of me. Beat me or not, that was the best I
    had, and clean. I wish it were the same way for every one of them.”

    Me too.

    Final score: Clemens dirty, Martinez clean

    End of story

  6. Bay State Librul says:

    Bmaz, do you know that arizona lottery winner from a “wealthy Phoenix” suburb? He took the cash to avoid the fiscal cliff. All questions have been referred to his law firm.

  7. Peterr says:

    I’m not convinced about Johnny Football. Against that win at Alabama are not one but two *home* losses for the Aggies. If he gets credit for the former, he has to take his lumps for the latter, which puts him behind both Te’o (no losses on his watch) and Klein (one loss on the road) if that’s your metric.

    Not sure who I’d vote for, but I’m really tired of the “OMG! It’s the SEC!!!” stuff, whether it’s the BCS or the Heisman.

  8. jo6pac says:

    I live near UOP and caught a few shows of Dave Brubeck there.Alway Fun and Hot.

    Yep Seb was the winner and how Alonso even got that close was amazing and might have pulled it off except for being taken out of 2 races by accidents not his fault.

    GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 9ers. I sure hope coaching is better than last week

  9. Jim White says:

    @Peterr: Indeed. The disturbing pattern here is an NFL player getting drunk on Friday night and killing someone early Saturday when they are scheduled to start a Sunday game. Two weeks in a row. Just how many NFL players are on the streets drunk on Friday nights before Sunday games?

  10. ex-PFC Chuck says:

    I was fortunate enough to hear Brubeck perform live twice: first the original quartet in about 1967 from the nosebleed seats in the old (pre-fire) McCormack Place auditorium in Chicago; and nearly forty years later in Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis, when he was 84 years old, IRRC. My favorite track of his was Blue Rondo a la Turk:

  11. bmaz says:

    @ex-PFC Chuck: If I had had room for a fourth video, that is exactly what I would have picked. Almost used it instead of Unsquare Dance, but Unsquare is so kooky I couldn’t resist.

  12. GulfCoastPirate says:

    If that Gaggie hick wins the Heisman I’m going to puke … again and again and again. I already can’t read the paper down here.

    On a better note. Tubberville leaves Tech for Cincinnati. Maybe they take Kingsbury away from the Gaggies so the Gaggies can return to their usual 4 – 7 selves.

  13. bmaz says:

    @GulfCoastPirate: JOHNNY FOOTBALL BABY!! I’m thinking about coming down to Galveston for the Cotton Bowl just to make sure you watch it!

    I figured you would notice TTub leaving Lubbock. Really, who wouldn’t want to get out of Lubbock?

  14. JohnT says:

    Weird. Last week I was going to link to Take Five, by Brubeck, and So What, by Miles Davis and John Coltrane

    (didn’t want to have too many comments)

    Stay cool Dave

  15. JohnT says:

    BTW don’t be surprised if the Vikings have a good game vs Da Bears. They’re at home, and this is just the right time for a not great team to shock a better team

  16. GulfCoastPirate says:

    @bmaz: I have 4 TV’s. None of them get that channel. :)

    I just heard about Tubs. What I heard was he ran out on them to go to Cincy. What’s up with that? He must have really hated Lubbock or there is a lot going on there behind the scenes that we don’t know about. That’s what they get for messing with The Pirate. I hear they want Briles but who knows if he wants to leave Baylor now. When he was at UH I think he had a clause in his contract for no buyout if he was offered by Tech. May have the same thing at Baylor but he turned them down the last time when they had to go to Tubs. I hope they take Kingsbury and we can all watch Sumlin, Manziel and the Gaggies wash down the tubes.

  17. Peterr says:

    @JohnT: Ordinarily, I’d have to take serious issue with you, but with Urlacher out, probably for the rest of the regular season, you may be right. I could see Da Bears floundering without him, or could see them digging in to win it for him.

  18. Peterr says:

    @bmaz: GCP, if watching the Cotton Bowl with bmaz gets to be too much, just mention “Gloria Allred.” The smoke coming from his ears ought to be quite entertaining.

  19. GulfCoastPirate says:

    @JohnT: I was sitting outside the Union Carbide plant in Texas City waiting for my wife to get off work. Simply stunned.

    My favorite Lennon song.

  20. rosalind says:

    @JohnT: yup, my college dorm-mates and I were in our lounge watching Monday Night Football. never get out of my head the way Cosell pronounced “dead – on – arrival”.

  21. Bay State Librul says:

    Manny, Marquez and Mitt walk into the ring…
    Next up, a bullfight in Spain ala Hemingway

    LAS VEGAS — Defeated presidential candidate Mitt Romney was a guest ringside Saturday night at the fourth fight between Manny Pacquiao and Juan Manuel Marquez

  22. bmaz says:

    Oh my. Fun facts for residents of the Big Mitten:

    The Lions are 0 for their last 21 games in Lambeau.

    Not positive, but there may be a trend there.

  23. BaronBrock says:

    @bmaz: Three of the games were at Milwaukee County Stadium. 22 years in the league and Jason Hanson has never won in Wisconsin.

  24. rosalind says:

    @emptywheel: aaand Tebow can’t even complete a Coin Toss. He was supposed to say the Jets wanted to receive, but didn’t say it right so the Ump cut his mic to say “uh, dude, you sure about that?”. The radio announcers were busting a gut: “Tebow got a mulligan on the Coin Toss!”

  25. JohnT says:


    Seriously, good point about Milwaukee, forgot the Pack used to play a couple of games there a year (usually Vikings, no?).

    That would be a yes

  26. emptywheel says:

    @bmaz: I do hope that when they pick MVP and Comback Player of the year, they have the good grace to give one each to Peyton and AP. Cause both deserve both.

  27. emptywheel says:

    Hey @bmaz. Good thing you like Russell Simmons Wilson. Cause he’s making your local team look like a PeeWee team.

  28. bmaz says:

    @emptywheel: THAT is a fact, Jack. I have no idea how a person can vote between the two. Seriously, for as awesome as Peyton has been, AP is in track to clear 2,000 yds. WOW.

  29. bmaz says:

    @emptywheel: Oh, and yeah, thank you so much for pointing out that the Bidwells and Cardinals left the good graces of Pastor Peter to come bless me.

    Peterr can fucking have them back. Incompetence is one thing, wasting the career of one of the best receivers in the history of the game is quite another. But that is the Cardinal way. Always has been.

    THIS, my friends, is why THERE IS NO QUESTION but that Kurt Warner deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. Any man that can get the Cardinals to the Super Bowl is among the greatest men to ever play the game.

  30. Peterr says:

    @bmaz: I’m sure the Bidwells feel much more comfortable in the land of the Gluehorse instead of the Clydesdale. In fact, the Bidwells even parted with some of their money to help the Gluehorse out.

    Actually, that’s not quite right. The Bidwells were parting with some of the tax money they got from the good citizens of your fine state.

    If you want to get rid of the Bidwells, the solution is simple: turn off the spigot of public money. He’ll be gone in a heartbeat.

  31. Peterr says:

    @bmaz: Ah, but they’ll be wanting a new stadium shortly. They’ve got to keep up with the Jones’ over in Dallas, you know.

    “We’ve taken enough taxpayer money” is a phrase that will never pass the lips of any NFL owner, but especially not a Bidwell.

  32. bmaz says:

    @Peterr: Naw, their stadium is pretty darn new. And while the red, white and gray colors of the loser Cardinals are garish in it, it is a pretty awesome facility. Unfortunately, they are going nowhere.

  33. Peterr says:

    @bmaz: It’s not the age or condition of the stadium that is the dominant factor in this equation. It’s the greed of the Bidwells.

    And that is off the charts.

  34. bmaz says:

    @jo6pac: Hey there Bay Area Boy, the losers from my home town are in a close 51-fucking 0 battle. You are complaining about a “close win”???

    Fair enough, that is why we call this Trash Talk!

  35. Peterr says:

    @bmaz: The Chefs fans in my neighborhood have little sympathy for your local losers.

    Only once in 13 games have the Chefs held their opponents to single digits (and they lost anyway). In two other games, they held their opponents under 20 (and they lost anyway). In six other games, they gave up 30 or more, and lost them all.

    If you’re looking for trash, there’s a big ol’ dumpster at Arrowhead Stadium . . .

  36. emptywheel says:

    @bmaz: I take it back. There’s one BIG difference between that team and a PeeWee team. PeeWee football has the mercy rule.

  37. bmaz says:

    @emptywheel: TRUE!!

    But, for at least 3 more games, Spidey Fitzgerald plays here.

    Much as I hate to say it, he deserves a trade to the Packers or Patriots, to have a quarterback worthy of his greatness to throw to him.

    Alternatively, the Cards should trade Fitz to the Skins for Kirk Cousins.

  38. bmaz says:

    @jo6pac: Fan? I dunno, it is a tortured relationship. When the deal was brokered for them to come here back in the mid to late 80s, Jerry Colangelo was believed to be very close to getting an expansion team. I would have rather had that than the Cards. There have been very few bright spots – Jake Plummer had one magical year he pulled out of his ass, nearly all by himself, and there were 2-3 years with Kurt Warner where they were a lot of fun. Other than that, total incompetent disaster. Hey, they are here, we built them a fancy stadium, so I guess I am a fan. Would be a lot easier if they were ever worth a damn.

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