Trash Talk: Wherein the Champs Shoot Themselves in The Foot Thigh

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picture-58.thumbnail.pngDon’t know where that slacker bmaz is with this week’s Trash Talk (oh wait? Trash is supposed to be my job, you say??). But today is the day when teams’ playoff hopes will live or die and it’s already 5 AM in the desert yet still bmaz sleeps.

But before we talk about the on-the-field fun, let’s talk about Plaxico Burress.

How does a guy whose career depends on his 4.4 speed (and whose team depends on his ability to stretch defenses) happen to head out to a nightclub one night and shoot himself in the thigh? It seems Plaxico doesn’t want to talk about it–having left the cops standing outside his home for 37 minutes yesterday…

New York City police arrived at Burress’ sprawling $4-million home in Totowa, N.J., at 4:35 p.m. and spent 37 minutes outside the home. According to a police spokesman, Burress’ wife, Tiffany, told them, "You can’t come in. You can’t talk to my husband."

Police made a second visit just after 7:30 p.m. and left when no one answered the door.

And the hospital that treated Plaxico doesn’t want to talk about it–having failed to inform the cops of the gunshot wound they treated…

Police said they learned of the incident yesterday only after reports of the shooting surfaced around noon, because the hospital did not report the gunshot wound to police, as is expected.

And the Gents don’t want to talk about it–at least not until after they play their big division game against the ‘Skins today.

According to police, the Giants have agreed to put police in touch with those two players, saying a meeting could be arranged this week after they return home from Washington, D.C.

They also appear to be in no rush to give the cops the gun.

According to police, the Giants told them that a team representative might be able to bring them to a third location where the gun is currently being held.

All this reluctance to talk probably has something to do with the fact that it is a felony to carry an unlicensed gun in NY–and Plaxico’s only gun permit is an expired one for Florida.

Records show New York Giants’ star receiver does not have a permit to carry a weapon in the city, meaning that he had no legal right to do so in the LQ Club in Manhattan, where he allegedly shot himself in the leg.

Burress did have a concealed-weapon permit issued to him in Florida, where he has a home, but records show it expired in May.

And even if it was still valid, New York does not recognize out-of-state permits.

Incidentally, the bullet appears to have gone through his leg, missing all bones and arteries, but piercing some part of that 4.4 speed thigh. Plaxico’s hamstring injury–which was already slated to keep him out of today’s game–is now the least of his worries.

Gents at Skins

Look, the Gents are going to win the NFC East. And they’re going to continue to be a superb team even without Plaxico. But all this distraction is precisely the kind of thing that gives the Skins an opportunity to win this game and keep up with the Boys in the hunt for the top wild card spot in the NFC. And since Zorn is a much nicer coach than Coughlin, I’m gonna say the Skins stay focused and beat the champs today.

Bears at Vikes

Yes, they still do let one NFC North team come to the playoffs (figuring that, on average, the division is much stronger than the NFC West). And the winner of today’s game ought to be the favorite to win the division. This will be a contest against two great running backs and two decent defenses. I think Childress will goof something up and give it to the Bears. But then you never know whether Da Bears will have a last minute penalty to give the game away. Ah! NFC North–who couldn’t love it?!?! I’ll go with Da Bears on this one.

Stillers at Pats

Remember when everyone but me and a few other diehards believed that Matt Cassell was gonna sink the Pats’ season? You know, Matt Cassell, the guy who has thrown two-straight 400-yard passing games? Well, I’m going to take this opportunity to say "I told you so" now, before the Pats meet the best defense in the league today, just in case I don’t look so smart around 7PM (besides, it’s about the only thing I’ve been right about this year). In any case, I think this game will be decided by the Pats’ D–can those old farts chase down Rotty after the sieve-like Stillers O line breaks down? I say yes, if only because a Pats loss today would make bmaz even more intolerable with his friggin’ "J-E-T-S" inanity than he already is.

Those are the marquee games today, but the potential surprises include Colts at Brownies (remember, the Brownies have been the only team to beat that other Manning this year), Ravens and Bengals (yeah, the Bengals suck, but screwing up the Ravens’ shot at the AFC North is the kind of game they might pull off), and the Falcons at San Diego (I predict Michael Turner will have a much bigger game than the guy he used to back up).

Plus, how much fun will we have with everyone at their mother making fun of Plaxico today?

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106 replies
  2. emptywheel says:

    Here’s where the wine reference comes from:

    Burress, 31, was allegedly inside the hot spot with teammate Antonio Pierce when they were confronted by security guards looking for weapons, sources said.

    The Super Bowl hero, who nabbed the game-winning catch in the Giants’ monumental win over the Patriots in February, admitted to the guards that he was packing heat, sources said.

    After moving to a secluded area with a guard, he allegedly took the gun out and started to unload the bullets while drinking a glass of wine.

    But the sure-handed wideout began to bobble the firearm, accidentally firing a shot that ripped through his leg but missed the bone.

    Here’s another question: was Plaxico going to unload the gun and then just keep it with him? Did the bouncers expect that he’d be packing heat? And what football player drinks wine???

  3. scribe says:

    Awww -EW – you gotta really read the tabloids to get the full flavor of it.

    There’s the club initially denying him entry because the club was aware he was packing. Why was he packing? Because he was carrying a lot of cash and wearing a lot of bling:

    Burress’ latest self-inflicted wound came after he was initially turned away from the LQ nightclub in midtown because he was packing heat, police sources said. Burress, 31, who was sporting flashy jewelry and carrying loads of cash, told club management he needed the gun to protect himself, sources said.

    The mercurial Giant was waved inside the crowded Latin-themed club on Lexington Ave. about midnight. He downed several drinks, making already jittery security guards more nervous about his weapon.

    As Burress was being led into a VIP area, with a drink in his hand, the gun slipped down his pants leg. He reached for the weapon, but fumbled it and it went off, sources said. The bullet tore through Burress’ already injured right thigh, police said.

    “[The bullet] went in and out. No bones,” Chief Michael Collins, a police spokesman, said.

    Then there is this gem: his partner receiver, Antonio Pierce, appears to have helped hide the gun. But not until after putting those first-aid skills to use:

    Pierce, 30, rushed to his bleeding teammate and applied pressure to the wound as Burress screamed in pain amid the hip-hop beats piping through the club, sources said. As he worked to slow the bleeding, Pierce berated Burress for bringing a loaded handgun into a club.

    Ambulances? Who needs ambulances?

    Panicking, Burress told his teammate not to call 911 for an ambulance, sources said.

    Pierce helped the bloodied receiver out of the club before taking off with the gun and stashing it somewhere in New Jersey, sources said.

    So far so good, I guess.

    Burress was afraid to go to the hospital, but two hours after the shooting, at 2 a.m., his wife, Tiffany, and a friend escorted him to New York-Presbyterian Hospital Weill Cornell. He was treated and released at about 12:45 p.m., sources said.

    But a hospital spokeswoman denied that Burress was ever there.

    Now, a vignette of how New York City really works:

    Cops only learned about the incident after Giants employees quietly reached out to the NYPD to report it, sources said.

    Better details about the cops’ visit to Plexiglas’ house:

    When plainclothes officers from the NYPD and local cops arrived at Burress’ mansion in Totowa, N.J., about 5 p.m., they were turned away by his wife – even after ringing the bell five times. “We’ve been through a lot today,” a woman said from inside the home.

    “Ma’am, we’re talking to a box,” one of the cops said, referring to the intercom system outside the house. After the chaotic night, Pierce headed to Washington Saturday to prepare for the Giants game against the Redskins today. His attorney told cops Pierce would cooperate if he wouldn’t be charged, sources said.

    “Ma’am, we’re talking to a box.”

    The inevitable conclusion to this saga:

    Burress is expected to be arrested on felony weapons charges in the coming days, while Pierce’s attorney was in frantic discussions with cops last night to stave off criminal charges, police sources said.

    You gotta read the Daily News. They write in whole sentences. And they have better sources.

    • Professor Foland says:

      “I am talking to a box”? Preferential treatment much? Somehow, I imagine that if I had fired an unregistered weapon in a club and fled, I doubt the police would have had quite so much patience. I imagine the first team would just have bust the door down while the backup SWATs rapelled in, swinging through the windows.

      Note to Plaxico: you can buy brass jewelry plated with 14k gold, and nobody will be able to tell. Then you won’t have to worry so much, if it gets stolen, even I could afford to replace it.

      Too bad there was no TT last night. The OU-OSU game had enough wackiness in it to last a whole season!

      The best thing I’ve seen about Cassel: when he first started, he hopped around in the pocket too much. In a surprisingly short time, now he’s got that Brady thing where he just stands there while the chaos swirls around. That’s the improvement I certainly didn’t expect to see.

    • CasualObserver says:

      Awww -EW – you gotta really read the tabloids to get the full flavor of it.

      Why read ‘em when you can write your own? I’ve never seen so much glee taken on the event of someone accidentally shooting himself.

      Ah, well. So much for empathy.

  4. scribe says:

    I don’t know which line is better:

    “As he worked to slow the bleeding, Pierce berated Burress for bringing a loaded handgun into a club.”
    or
    “Ma’am, we’re talking to a box.”

    Go read Lupica’s article in today’s NYDN, too. F’g brutal.

    • PJEvans says:

      He’s been trouble for quite a while.
      Now we can see he isn’t the brightest fish in the barrel either.
      If he wasn’t wearing way too much bling and carrying way too much cash, he wouldn’t have needed the heat, either. And what did his wife have to say about him being out partying without her?

      • emptywheel says:

        At least one report says she and one more teammate were there, too.

        She’s probably just happy she isn’t calling the cops for his third domestic violence report this time.

        • PJEvans says:

          Then I’d like to recommend that she use a clue-by-four on him. (I think a good question might be ‘Can this marriage be saved?’)

  6. BoxTurtle says:

    1) Good Morning, all!

    2) Go Browns!!

    3) If that incident had happened in Ohio to someone other than a pro football player, that person would have been arrested at the club. The club would lose it’s liquer license for allowing a gun in. The ER person who treated him and DR in charge of the ER would both be charged with failure to report which I believe is a felony. They would all be bailed out by now, awaiting trial.

    4) If I had tried to talk to a cop with a felony gun possession charge hanging over me via intercom, I’d be needing a new front door at least. And I would NOT be able to be bailed the next morning.

    Boxturtle (Clearly, Plaxico knows how to handle the local cops)

  7. BayStateLibrul says:

    It’s 7:00PM do you know where our Bmaz is?

    Make a fast buck.
    On Bellychickster’s 150th victory,
    At our house, on a late afternoon,
    Mixed in with a delightful last minute Denver TD,
    That ruins the fucking seedy JETS quest…

    Bahama Mama time

  8. skdadl says:

    Since this is a trash-talk thread, is it ok if I mention that we are now on day three of the Maple Syrup Revolution up here?

    There is a tangential connection: we are having a revolution because our PM and his finance minister shot selves in foot by being themselves (ie: nasty, mean, petty, Rovian, and devoid of practical ideas).

    I actually woke up feeling cheerful this morning. I think we might win. I can’t remember when I last felt that way.

    • Petrocelli says:

      Let’s hope the spineless Libruls don’t make a deal with the Devil …

      We have to keep calling Layton’s office and the Libruls, coaxing them to go through with the no confidence vote.

      • skdadl says:

        Good morning, Petrocelli. It’s so hard to believe, isn’t it? I got so blissed out this a.m. that I posted the national anthem. (I have Polish genes mixed in with the Scots — that must be it.)

        But you’re right. The Libruls need the courage of their convictions. We may need to force their hands. Can you imagine Canadians coming out into the streets? Unfortunately, I can’t, although it’s a thought.

        • Petrocelli says:

          Good Morning skdadl !

          I had to step away to make Sunday Breakfast for my two darlings.

          We have to tell all our friends to keep calling the offices of the Libs and NDP and even Chretien … our country’s future is at stake.

          The Indians are talking about implementing Bush- like policies in the wake of the Terror attacks in Mumbai … Oye !

          I’ll be busy on the phone to India as well, talking to my friends about the idiocy of that viewpoint.

    • ANOther says:

      As Michael Enright said on CBC this morning. “It’s not unusual for a government to shoot themselves in the foot, but it is very rare that they take careful aim first.”

      EW, I think that it’s “marquee” not “marquis”.

      • skdadl says:

        I’m trying hard not to be too happy, and I knock on wood after every cheerful sentence I write.

        Petrocelli @ 25, my heart to your friends in India. It is so strange, isn’t it, that just as Obama is working hard to calm things in the U.S., remnants of Bushthink survive in places like Canada and India? There must be something to be said about eternal vigilance …

        • phred says:

          skdadl — listened to BBC coverage yesterday on the events in India. They kept referring to it as India’s 9/11. I kept thinking, “God, no!”. If there was ever a terrible precedent set for how to react to a pack of criminal terrorists, it was ours. I hope and pray that India comes up with a much better response to such an awful crime.

    • readerOfTeaLeaves says:

      Well, I hope all the best!

      And also all the best for randiego, who is evidently ‘on show’ today at his in-laws-to-be in TX. Best to the Surfer Dude and his Texas Tech Intended!
      (Jeepers, I hope that I named the correct team…?)

    • emptywheel says:

      Well, until I opened my trap two weeks ago and noted that they had been in every game they lost this year, they had been in every game this year, give one or two.

      Now, all they’ll be remembered for is Thursday’s shellacking.

      • Neil says:

        Now, all they’ll be remembered for is Thursday’s shellacking.

        They had a great start Thursday but they fell apart. Too many interceptions. I didn’t get a sense whether the QB he was being pressured or just made bad decisions. Anyway, its not the one game, its the direction of the team.

        What precipitated GM Matt Millen’s departure in September? It seems to me (however that went down) its not a good time of year for a football team to lose their GM, not that Matt’s leadership had delivered on its promise. I guess its always best to watch how a team plays on the field and decide what changes are needed based on that. But without a good GM making the calls, they will not improve year to year. If you want to stage a turnaround, start on defense. What do the natives point to as the main problems? Do you agree with Simms (from the video)?

  11. phred says:

    So little love for the NFC North EW? Awww, the kitty kats got you down? ; )

    The Vikes will take Da Bears and the Pack will beat the Panthers in spite of themselves.

    As for the newly em-Burress-ed Gent… Every now and then one is dramatically reminded that physical skill and brains are not always in one happy package. Perhaps someday Plaxico can explain to me why he leaves the house if he is too frightened to sip a little Chardonnay without a loaded weapon at his side. Idiot.

  12. bmaz says:

    Man, sleep in one silly Sunday and suddenly the neighbors are stealing your trash. Crikey, next thing you know EW will be belligerently trashing Holder and McCain too…..

    • Neil says:

      Man, sleep in one silly Sunday and suddenly the neighbors are stealing your trash.

      You picked the neighborhood.

      It makes me laugh. Our garbage gets picked over here. One man drives around in a truck and collects furniture. There is another guy who walks around with a giant durable plastic bag and collects aluminum cans at 5 cents a pop. I’m thinking his gravy train will be drying up too.

      Who are you cheering for today (I mean beside a different AG nominee than Holder.)

        • Neil says:

          You know, I really like what they’ve done with the team. They Favre-ized it. One guy, a leader, can set a tone that gets a team over the top. I’m with you: J-E-T-S jets jets jets …until they play my pats.

          • bmaz says:

            It really becomes apparent when you also consider Green Bay. Aaron Rodgers is playing fairly well; bu the swagger and edge is gone from the team. Turns out that said critical factor is now in New York.

            • phred says:

              Not today — Rodgers can’t hit the broad side of a barn. The finally got a field goal, but Rodgers spent most of the 1st quarter throwing too high and too long. Not to worry though, the Pack defense will keep us in the game… er… or not. Panthers 14 Pack 3. Sigh. Hopefully it won’t get as bad as last Monday…

            • Neil says:

              Yep, its the competitive edge. A driven, purposeful approach and confidence that comes from prevailing in the challenging of circumstances. Competitors play all 60 minutes and find many different ways to win.

          • Neil says:

            Madden recognizes a winner when he sees one. Remember, he coached. He would have killed for a competitor like Favre. Also, Favre is 39 years old and still playing at the top level in the league. The last NFL player that old kicked field goals. If Favre had gone to the Jets and done nothing, that would be one ting. But he went to the Jets and turned them into challengers. You may be watching history being written. Also, Madden has a man crush on Tom Brady but nobody bats an eye because the handsome man has a People Magazine girlfriend.

            • phred says:

              Now now Neil, this is the trash talk thread, is it not? Of the 3 of us (you, me, and bmaz) I bet I’m the only one watching football right now wearing an official #4 Favre jersey (from his Packer days of course ; ) As an increasingly elderly person myself I hope Favre plays longer than Nolan Ryan ; )

  13. Neil says:

    Great games this week in the NFL.

    GENTS @ skins
    10-1 v. 7-4, NFC East division game, NYG back Jacobs will play, Plaxico will dress in Kevlar and tend to his weapons on the bench… because who would travel to DC without their firearms? AP video on Plaxico’s firearm mishap and other behavioral incidents this season.

    Bears @ VIKES
    6-5 v. 6-5, NFC North division game [Analogies; TX OK, Ohio State Michigan, Jeffs Ephs, Boyz Skins, Bears Vikings]

    STILLERS @ pats
    8-3 v. 7-4, AFC East vs AFC North, weather favors Steelers, rush and blitz package grounds Pats long aerial attack

  14. hayduke says:

    emptywheel emptywheel…

    waz the deal? You just slag old Plaxico for a simple mistake… don’t we all carry?

    How bout some defense of old Rich Rod. fucking eh, U of M got exactly what they wanted in him, don’t you think?

    Are you going to the bowl game?

    Oh that’s right, they didn’t make it. And neither will the Patsies….

    peace

    yr pal hayduke

  15. randiego says:

    Howdy all. Just a quick driveby then I’m out.

    great quote in this morning’s newspaper from Mike Leach. When asked how the 3-way tie in the Big-12 South should be resolved, he said “hey these ARE student-athletes. Let’s use graduation rates!”

    Tech leads the Big-12 with a 79% grad rate. Texas and Oklahoma bring up the rear at 50% and 46% respectively.

    You won’t hear THAT from any ESPN blowhard.

  19. emptywheel says:

    Anyone else lucky (?) enough to have both Mannings on their teevee this afternoon?

    I’d complain, but I just had box of power nirvana–where I saw Peyton fumble the ball on the goal line on one channel, flipped the channel, and saw (Bad) Eli throw a pick on the other channel.

    It’s the little things in life, but that just made my Sunday. That probably means it’s beer thirty, while I’m ahead.

    • phred says:

      Nirvana indeed EW, I am envious. Rivetted as I am to the discouraging state of affairs in Lambeau, I miss out on those serendipitous moments of Manning mishaps. Enjoy your beer thirty : )

            • MadDog says:

              As I’m a Minnesota resident of the NFL North, having the Cheeseheads catch up with us in the standings is verboten.

              Of course, losing to the Bears tonite will accomplish the same. Aaaaaaaah!

              • phred says:

                If Da Bears play as bad tonight as they did 2 weeks ago, your Purple People Eaters got nuthin’ to worry about ; )

                Packers practically have a TD handed to ‘em on a silver platter — 3 tries on short yardage and they can’t get in to the end zone. Sigh. EW, I should have joined you for an early beer thirty ; )

                • emptywheel says:

                  Yep, we should have just stopped watching an hour ago.

                  Cursed NFC North. Cursed Mannings (though, gotta hand it to the Brownies–Peyton didn’t beat them, the Colts D did).

                  • phred says:

                    Yep. Although, maybe I should have stopped watching 3 hours ago ; )

                    Good luck to your Vikes MadDog, The Pack won’t be causing you guys any trouble this year… But just you wait until next year! ; )

                    • phred says:

                      bmaz — how long have you been a Pack fan? We were humming along with the Cubs fans all through the 70s and 80s, right up until our Favre-ite player showed up in the 90s ; )

                    • bmaz says:

                      Um, I remember all the losers before Brett. Names such as Lynn Dicky, Whitehurst, Mike Tomczak, Magic Man Majkowski been there through all that. Didn’t like it. Hell I got losers right here in the form of the Cardinals; I want better for the Packers.

                    • phred says:

                      Ok, so just try to tell me that you never said “wait ’til next year” to any of your football chums during all those lean years — go ahead tell me you never said it ; ) Me — I said it every year ; )

    • emptywheel says:

      Sorry Pach. Giants fans are not allowed to just waltz in here to gloat after not coming to smack around Plaxico first. You gotta own your team’s boneheads to earn the right to trash!!

  24. phred says:

    Hey Neil, if you’re still around, are you getting the Stillers-Pats? I can’t find the game. Is it possible that it didn’t sell out and it’s blacked out???

    • phred says:

      Never mind, I found it. For some reason Comcast’s TV guide is listing Channel 4 as To Be Announced. Go figure. Yet another reason to dislike Comcast…

      • Neil says:

        Comcast has been really bad lately about listing the names of the teams for football programming, and most recently really bad about naming it football programming as yu noticed. So you found it on WBZ ch4, eh? Yeah, me too. I took a drive out to Sudbury to watch it with my friend. We put the computers away and yelled at the TV.

        As a Pats fan, the loss hurt but there were two redeeming moments – I actually picked the Stillers here in trash talk and the Jets lost.

  25. BayStateLibrul says:

    Oh shit,

    Stephen Gostkowski missed a 27-yard field goal wide right with 17 seconds to play in the first half, keeping the game tied at 10.

    The Patriots moved to the Steelers 9 before stalling. Kevin Faulk ignited the drive with a 41-yard carry, while Sammy Morris added a 14-yard trot to move inside the red zone.

  28. rosalind says:

    in a fit of spontaneity i jumped in the car and drove up to edwards afb to watch the space shuttle land.

    exceedingly cool. other than the two sonic booms it’s really quiet, just glides down, does a big looping turn then squares up with the runway and comes on in.

    • phred says:

      Now that is a fine way to spend a Sunday afternoon — I would love to see that in person someday…

      EW glad there was a silver lining for you in the dark cloud (and rain) of the late games – maybe that was the problem now that I think of it — Jets get grounded in bad weather, Broncos just play in the mud ; )

      Good luck to you and yours MadDog, unlike my friend from Eau Claire, I’ve always had it in for the Bears.

    • PJEvans says:

      The earth-shattering ka-boom was impressive.
      (I’ve heard it at work – that time it sounded like a four-yard dumpster being set down hard on concrete at the other end of the building. Except I’m on the 10th floor and we have a shortage of both dumpsters and concrete pads.)

  29. BayStateLibrul says:

    No 25 of the Steelers took a cheap shot on Wes Welker…
    Hope he is Okay…
    The culprit received a 15 yard penalty, and wonder if the NFL will
    blow a money whistle on him…
    Back to the drawing boards…

    • Neil says:

      wonder if the NFL will
      blow a money whistle on him…

      That was a punishing hit. I think the NFL will fine because
      1. Welker clearly had no play on the ball which was behind him and already incomplete
      2. Welker was unable to defend himself
      3. the defender left his feet to deliver the blow.

      Welker’s head hit first. The back of his head.

      Later, there was a shot of Welker on the sidelines, all glassy eyed.

      • BayStateLibrul says:

        The assasain (sp) is Clark.
        I thought it might have been a Darryl Stingley moment
        Remarks from Wild Bill’s presser, like Fitzy?
        and then an apology from Clark, like Lieberman’s bullshit?

        Q: What are your thoughts on the hit on Wes Welker?
        BB: I don’t have anything to say about that right now.
        S Ryan Clark

        (On the hit on Wes Welker)
        “It was not like I was trying to be cheap. Anybody that comes across [the middle] it is my job to tackle them. The ball got tipped, but he said I should not have left my feet. I do not know how to control that. I talked to Kevin Faulk and apologized. I could not find Welker after the game to tell him I was not trying to be dirty.”

  32. bmaz says:

    Man, the Vikings are effectively the Deetroit Lions except with Adrian Peterson.

    But they do have Adrian Peterson, and he is really fucking good. Vikes have the inside lane on the Norske Division now.

  33. brendanx says:

    Gewurztraminer? For a while I made that a tradition with Thanksgiving turkey. “Gewurz” means “spicy” — it’s pungent and flavorful Alsatian wine, not too sweet. I would advise against bringing a gun to a Thanksgiving dinner, though.

  34. john in sacramento says:

    Too busy to make any picks earlier

    Jags v Texans

    Texans -3

    Take the points and Texans win anyway

    —-

    Gonna take an early bite at Bama and the Gators

    Gators -9.5

    Bama has a lot of good young players … but not enough playmakers to keep up with the Gators, take the points, and they also win

    This pick may change later in the week depending on Percy Harvin’s injury status

    —-

    Just looked at the line on Mizzou and Oklahoma

    Sooners are -17

    That is a very interesting line … I’ll have to think about that one

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