December 12, 2008 / by emptywheel


Okay, Okay, Invade Michigan. But You Can’t Have the Coaches Back.

John Cole has found a solution to the Big 2.5’s woes–and frankly, it sounds a whole lot smarter than Bob Corker’s plan to require two corporations to revoke the pensions of a bunch of blue collar retirees. And he’s right–the Republicans are gonna love this plan.

His solution? Invade Michigan, make it safe for democracy again.

We need to invade Michigan and rebuild the state from the ground up. We will be greeted as liberators, we have clear supply lines, and we can easily rebuild the auto industry with the kind of money we spend on other countries we invade. Hell, our new Secretary of State, Hillary of Clinton, spent the better part of the past year fighting for the rights of average folks from Michigan, so think of the good will we have with the public. This is very doable. Just tell Congress we will give KBR no-bid contracts to fix Detroit.

Thing is, I’m a little suspicious of John’s motives. You see, John’s from West Virginia, and he’s a sports fan. 

I just have this awful feeling that John’s great plan is really a plot to come to Michigan and steal back the two coaches we stole from West Virginia, hoops coach John Beilein and football coach Rich Rodriguez. Sure sure, Rodriguez hasn’t yet worked out like we’d like. But Michigan’s basketball victory over Duke is one of the only good things that has happened to Michigan of late (I mean, think of the Lions!!), and I’m just not willing to give Beilein back.

So, fine. If you must, invade Michigan. Please bring bales of cash, just like they did in Iraq.

But you can’t have our sports coaches.

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