Dana Milbank’s Time Management Problems

Dana Milbank reveals what really doomed Mouthpiece Theater.

Dana Milbank says it was clear that "Mouthpiece Theater" wasn’t working even before the "Bitch Beer" brouhaha. "We were trying to squeeze it into our daily routines, writing and filming it while still keeping up our other responsibilities, in my case writing four columns a week and in [Chris] Cillizza’s case writing umpteen blog items a day …If anybody has an idea about a video format that might work, please let me know." [my emphasis]

Now, the last time I heard Milbank complain about his oppressive workload of 4 columns a week, he also noted that those columns were 750 to 800 words (and that some weeks, he does just three columns). 

After which, in backstage discussions here at FDL, we’ve routinely made fun of this new unit, the "Milbank Unit." The context is usually something like, "Hey Gregg, I’ve published three Milbank Units this morning, can I break for lunch yet?" Or, "I’m kind of tired today, maybe I’ll produce just two Milbank Units today."

Poor, poor Dana Milbank–whose job appears to be attending important events like the latest Mohammed Jawad hearing and then going home to write about the Beer Summit he watched on TV instead.

In spite of the fact that his Beer Summit column was somewhat derivative of the legendarily crappy Mouthpiece Theater that got pulled, after his terribly taxing workload Dana just doesn’t have anything left to be funny, I guess.

And that, Dana explains, is why Mouthpiece Theater sucked so badly.

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  1. WilliamOckham says:

    Has anybody measured Spencer Ackerman’s output in Milbank units? Not just at FDL, but over at the Windy, too.

  2. LabDancer says:

    May I propose a tweek?

    The beauty of the Friedman Unit — [pause to genuflect on awesomitudinality of opening 6 words & to gather agreeance to same] — lies in how its quality of STANDARDNESS is not strained: 6 months; not “half a year”; not “or so”; a simple, straightforward 6 months right firmly up the wazoo [as in where a proponent simultaneously places his or her foot].

    Corollary benefits lie in ease of conversion — particularly, in the case of blog posts [not to mention twits; oh wait…] in susceptibility to reductivity, as in:

    Say we agree 1 MU = 800 words @ assuming 10 words per line. Thus, this post by fearless leader [who I’ve been led to understand is headed off next week for some spa or salon or such] would be counted as the equivalent of one third of a MB — & when combined with the prior one, getting ms e up to well over half an MB — & when combined with at least two further one’s expected on a typical day [discounting that this being Dumpday, the total could soar “to the MOON”], one thus appreciates that the typical daily output of the proprietress exceeds the typical bidaily output of the progenitor of the standardized unit [in fairness, on the same assumption, I calculate the latter at a daily rate of almost precisely 0.57 MUs].

    Next up: Quality…

  3. emptywheel says:

    I’ve been in a bit of a lull of late. On busy weeks I tend to match Dana’s entire weekly production.

    Usually less the shitty video. Though during blowjob week I could have far exceeded him in video thrills.

    • bmaz says:

      On busy weeks I tend to match Dana’s entire weekly production.

      Man, you need a vacation. That should read “On busy DAYS I tend to match Dana’s entire weekly production”.

      Quite frankly, I commonly see posts here that match a MWU (Milbank weekly Unit). Not to mention, of course, that the EW posts are coherent and substantive, concepts Milbank usually can only dream of.

        • fatster says:

          There’s brush to cut? I thought you burned it all down.

          Seriously, if anyone needs a nice, relaxing, rechargin’ vacation, it is you, EW. I hope you are able to kick back and sip on some nice Beamish while watching your garden grow. You richly deserve it.

            • fatster says:

              Good grief, but you are busy. You will need a vacation after that, no doubt.

              Is kos going to have another contest for best shoes like in 2007? I thought you won that one hands down. Er, feet down, I guess is more appropriate. For those of you who weren’t aware of this important contest, try this link (which I hope still works):

              http://www.dailykos.com/story/2007/8/7/12925/28280

              Maybe this year we’ll get to see bmaz’ footgear, too. Maybe??

              • bmaz says:

                I am likely not going to be able to attend. For the record though, it is so bloody hot here that I rarely wear shoes at home or office. When forced to usually Cole Haans, Mephistos or ScottHawaii flip flops are the products of choice.

                • fatster says:

                  Aw, shucks. Well, if you do get to go, we’ll look forward to seeing your feet–whether sandaled or shoed. (Having grown up in the Deep South, I run around barefoot for much of the year, too.)

      • Peterr says:

        Sorry, bmaz, but I think you’re off a bit. It should read “On busy MORNINGS I tend to match Dana’s entire weekly production.”

        And I dare Milbank — or anyone else — to go up against Marcy in a Live Blog competition. Call it “Iron Blogger America” — sixty minutes to follow the debate AND offer snark AND call out the loons AND provide props to the heroes.

    • MadDog says:

      I’ve been in a bit of a lull of late…

      Not your fault at all!

      The “juicy bits” capital of Washington, DC has been on vacation for most of July, and I expect it to continue for the most part through Labor Day.

      You make some mighty fine omelettes even when the eggs are in short supply!

  4. SaltinWound says:

    I’ve been a professional comedy writer since I graduated from college in 1981. I can’t tell you how many witless executives I’ve dealt with who thought they could write it themselves if they only had the time. On a couple of occasions, I’ve had the perverse pleasure of watching these idiots clear their calendars, roll up their sleeves and actually give it a shot. Thank you, Dana Milbank!

  5. fatster says:

    O/T, or back to C Street–and a fitting story for a Friday afternoon.

    Cuckolded wife of South Carolina governor bolts mansion

    BY STEPHEN C. WEBSTER 

Published: August 7, 2009 
Updated 2 hours ago

    “South Carolina’s embattled Republican Governor Mark Sanford has spent seven weeks trying to “repair his family,” following the June revelation that he had a secret love affair with an Argentinian woman.

    “However, according to reports published Friday, his efforts thus far appear to have been unsuccessful.

    ‘“Jenny Sanford, the wife of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, announced Friday morning that she and their sons will leave the governor’s mansion in Columbia and settle in the Charleston area,” Washington Post reporter Philip Rucker noted this afternoon.”

    More.

    • Minnesotachuck says:

      Cuckolded wife of South Carolina governor bolts mansion

      Maybe he forgot to clear his cell phone call history after he’d rung up Maria. Which brings to mind In The Loop, a current movie I suspect everyone here will enjoy. F-bombs by the dozen and all.

  6. freepatriot says:

    most Americans experience more brain activity during the average fart
    than milbank uses to create 3 MBUs of output

    so there’s that …

  7. WilliamOckham says:

    This is totally OT, but Mel Martinez is resigning effective as soon as Charlie Crist appoints a replacement. That’s really interesting. Martinez has already announced he wouldn’t seek another term. Crist is running for the seat already. Now Crist has to appoint somebody to serve out the rest of the term who won’t threaten his own chances of becoming Senator.

    I’d love to know the backstory on this one.

    • fatster says:

      I noticed he didn’t even say he wanted to spend more time with his family. Just that he wanted to move on. Raises all kinds of questions, doesn’t it?

      • bmaz says:

        Yeah, it is a bit surprising isn’t it? Maybe he is just tired and the GOP wingnuts want to weaken Crist’s claim on the seat. I dunno though, because he can certainly find some placeholder that won’t challenge him you would think. It would only be slightly more than another year. No clue what precipitated it.

    • LabDancer says:

      Thanks for clarifying that; I’d been thinking what the wee lads couldn’t measure up to was called “Mousepenis”.

  8. skdadl says:

    OT, and sorry if I missed an earlier discussion on this topic here or at the mothership, but does anyone know whether Michele Bachmann was playing fast and loose with the quotations in this speech to the House last week? She begins by quoting a columnist, somebody named Betsy McCoy, publication unnamed, but then shifts to quoting Ezekiel Emanuel, Rahm’s brother, one of Obama’s health advisers, apparently, as well as others. I honestly can’t tell who said what from Bachmann’s presentation.

    Stumbled on this by following TPM’s squib on Sarah Palin’s “Death Panel” Facebook note.

    I’d love a chance to describe to Bachmann and Palin the end-of-life care my husband, who also died of Alzheimer’s, had in our decadent socialist euthanizing single-payer public system up here. No government decided what level of care he would receive. Even when he was obviously only days from death, the doctors were prepared to deliver the highest level of emergency care if I decided on that, and in fact a few obviously wanted to, although others supported any other decision I made, and by then I knew very well what any choice entailed. The choice of care level was mine, all mine, every minute to the end, and I doubt very much that there is a higher standard of care, understanding, and wisdom anywhere in the world.

    Listening to Bachmann made me very angry, but at the same time I would be relieved to hear that Emanuel did not say exactly what she implies he said, or at least that it was taken out of context.

        • skdadl says:

          And thanks to you, Rayne. Here I am, reinventing the wheel, when I could have read you earlier (except I was away). *chagrined*

      • skdadl says:

        Thanks, bmaz — found it (and any number of spin-offs).

        There are a couple of places where I still can’t tell whether McCaughey is actually quoting Emanuel or tossing in her own terms (”communitarianism,” eg), but Emanuel has said distinctly utilitarian things in places like JAMA and the Lancet (again, if she’s quoting correctly). Well, so I wouldn’t like him. I know people who think and talk like that, but it has nothing to do with socialism, imho, everything to do with sheer prejudice against the old. Younger people often have a hard time believing that the old are fully human; a lot of people have an aversion to any illness at all, and even some doctors are twits like that. So what.

        There’s no reason that medical decision-making in a public system can’t remain with the two people who count — patient and doctor — and in my experience, that’s how it works here. My doctors aren’t consulting some bureaucrat before they decide on treatment — none of them would stand for that, not even the twits. Some are smarter than others, or better suited to me, but that’s up to me to figure out, so I do.

        I don’t think I’d go to Emanuel, though. I believe in the Hippocratic oath, and I think it’s kind of sad that he seems not to.

        • bmaz says:

          I have no clue personally, But I have heard some very complimentary things about Rahm’s brother Zeke, and from a couple of people not all that in love with Rahm too. All FWIW only.

    • Petrocelli says:

      I truly hope that Palin & Bachmann and RushBo and the Repigs keep harping about how bad our Health Care is in Canada. Eventually, their blind followers will realize their lies and the Repigs will bleed support & $$$. With the Repugs weakened, the BlueDogs will scurry leftward or be swapped for real Dems.

      *Why yes, I have been partaking of the Single Malt quite liberally am a hopeless optimist, why do you ask ?*

  9. Loo Hoo. says:

    Do you guys count your words in the comment section in your MUs? I think you should…responding to readers is not something Dana does.

  10. fatster says:

    O/T (Old Topic). So we can all sleep better tonight:

    US Army finds Iraq electrocution death accidental

    07 Aug 2009 22:49:36 GMT
    Source: Reuters

    SAN FRANCISCO, Aug 7 (Reuters) – “The U.S. Army has found that the death of Staff Sergeant Ryan Maseth, who was electrocuted while showering at a Baghdad base in January 2008, was accidental, the Defense Department said on Friday.”

    More.

    • ThingsComeUndone says:

      The Defense Department said the investigation had concluded that “there is insufficient evidence to prove or disprove that any one person, persons or entity was criminally culpable in the death of Maseth.”
      KBR maintains that it was not responsible for his death, and noted the Defense Department inspector general had affirmed “there were missteps by several governmental entities, not just KBR,” a spokeswoman for the Houston-based company said.

      http://www.alertnet.org/thenew…..416135.htm

      Bullshit who ever cashed the checks to build the shower is responsible. They had the responsibility to supervise their subcontractor’s work.
      So KBR Private industry can do the job better cheaper and quicker than the government can huh?

      • ThingsComeUndone says:

        Oh thats assuming the army outsourced inspection of the shower to KBR, but for a basic mistake like that I’d guess both KBR and the Army are at fault.
        Because if the army was the inspector then they are of course at fault. KBR however never hired Union Electricians Bush gave an exemption to the rules about union electricians but if you hire people who don’t ground wires next to a shower then yes you are at fault.

  11. Adie says:

    Awww EW. You’re just brutal. And I’m loving every minute. D’ya think they’ll ever let Dana take the training wheels offn’ ‘is ‘puter so he could go fast like the bigboyz ‘n grrrrls? Prolly need a wrench to do it, plus a committee to show him how. ;->

  12. ThingsComeUndone says:

    EW if you are not creative, not intelligent, or funny and are only given so many talking points a week by Karl to write about anyway well they can’t compete with even the lowest blogger here.:)
    But just what are there writing backgrounds?

  13. RieszFischer says:

    Couldn’t happen to a nicer preening frat boy than Milbank. He’s the epitome of the Washington cocktail weenie set.

    I remember a few weeks back when Nico Pitney chewed him up and spit him out on national television. It was hilarious.

  14. ThingsComeUndone says:

    People drink in Bath robes wearing ties underneath their bathrobes? And just who wears bathrobes anymore?

  15. Frank33 says:

    If anybody has an idea about a video format that might work, please let me know.

    Oh, it is such hard work writing six hundred or even EIGHT hundred words. Each word has to go right after the other, and PUNCTUATION is also necesary! Of course it helps to have something to say other than serving their neo-con corporate masters.

    Cillizza and Milbank are just two more phonies pretending to be journalists. But as for another format, I would suggest Singing Duo. They already are the Milli Vanilli of journalists.

  16. windy says:

    Chris Mooney, who will be at the Book Salon today, also comments in Unscientific America on the terrible workload that reporters are under these days… apparently it’s all the fault of internet and cable news!

    “…those reporters who stick around the newsroom are increasingly required to become part-time bloggers, posting their stories online and them updating them throughout the day, expending their energy struggling to keep up with the twenty-four-hour news cycle rather than being able to dig in, investigate, learn, reveal.”

    I guess Milbank doesn’t actually have a blog?… but maybe the mere thought of them is exhausting?

  17. Sharkbabe says:

    Calling Hillary a “bitch” brought this little enterprise down? Hell, that’s been the default MSM descriptive for 15+ years. Please.

    I still don’t quite understand why they threw in the towel. Guess it was just the donkey-blowing lameness, but certainly not the stupidity or ugliness. The overclass by definition can’t do comedy. But somehow they keep imagining they can.

  18. fatster says:

    O/T (Old Topic)

    Scahill: Blackwater still getting millions in federal contracts
    BY MURIEL KANE 

Published: August 7, 2009 
Updated 13 hours ago

    “The State Department announced last January that it would not be renewing Blackwater’s contract for security services in Iraq when it expired in May. According to Scahill’s latest article in The Nation, however, the Obama administration has just extended the contract through September 3. A State Department official explained, “They are still there, but we are transitioning them out.”

    “Although it does not include the most recent figures, fedspending.org provides information on Blackwater contracts through the first few months of 2008. It shows the firm receiving an astonishing total of $1.2 billion for fiscal years 2005, 2006, and 2007 alone.

    “The Washington Post suggested in January, “Some critics attribute Blackwater’s success to the political connections of owner Erik Prince, a big contributor to conservative and Christian causes. As the Post reported, in 2007, Prince ‘was a White House intern under President George H.W. Bush. His political donations over the past two decades total almost $263,000 to Pat Buchanan, Oliver North, Rep. Ron Paul (R-Tex.) and former senator Rick Santorum, a Pennsylvania Republican, among others. His sister, Betsy DeVos, is former chairwoman of the Republican party in Michigan.’”’

    More.

    And do note: The DeVos’ own Amway.

  19. pseudonymousinnc says:

    Said it before, saying it again: Dana looks jealously across the pond to Simon Hoggart and the other parliamentary sketch writers, and thinks “surely I can do that!” Well, no. Lazy reporting plus lazy snark does not a sketchwriter make.

    Jamie Kirchik only scratches the surface of what makes sketch writers a journalistic institution in the UK, but not the US — partisan newpapers, the adversarial character of parliament, etc — but while Hoggart does regular and occasional podcasts, he doesn’t feel obliged to dress up like a twit. And he still files four times a week.