MI's New Plot for World Domination: Pizza

/in /by

Picture 177I’ve been having a rather unappetizing day today.

It started out this morning, when I read that University of Michigan’s new Athletic Director would be Domino’s CEO David Brandon. Granted, Domino’s headquarters and UM are just spitting distance appart. Geographically. But I’m one of those who would prefer they stay a lot further apart on organizational issues.

Picture 176Then, in the wake of news that Lieutenant Governor John Cherry would drop out of the race to replace Jennifer Granholm came the news that Denise Ilitch was considering a run to replace Granholm. The Ilitch family is best known (and loved) as the owners of the Red Wings and Tigers. But their money comes from pizza–in this case, Little Caesars.

Now, Ilitch has successfully run for statewide office as a Democrat before. After failing to get the Democratic nomination for UM Regent in 2006 (because her political donations suggested she wasn’t really a Democrat), she got the nod and the win in 2008. When she appeared at a rally with Obama last fall, Joe Biden called her the “First Lady of hockey,” so maybe there’s an anti-Palin angle to this.

Now, when I first heard the rumor that some rich person from Detroit was thinking of running, I considered–then dismissed the possibility–it would be Denise Ilitch. I just didn’t think she had the long trust with the party that would win her support from the MDP.

Whether that’s true or not, Chris Cilizza reports that Ilitch is being recruited.

Now Ilitch may be a very talented person. Brandon may be able to bring new life to our athletic program.

But MI is struggling out of one of its biggest crises ever–and in a time of crises nationally, it even still sticks out. Arguably, if you care about these things, so are UM’s big athletic programs as well.

And the best response we have to those crises is … pizza?

And pretty crappy pizza at that.

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    • emptywheel says:

      Mr. EW and I have a joke about all the Irish bars all over the world (which we like to visit, if only to see a poor bar try to sell Guinness in a dive in Rio de Janeiro). That is that the Irish are trying to colonize the world with their beer.

      But it’s one thing to try to achieve world domination through decent beer and a lot of associated culture.

      But bad pizza?

      • MadDog says:

        First it was the crappiest pizza in the entire world.

        Now it’s joined with the crappiest pizza in the entire universe.

        Shorter Michigan politics: “Eat this pizza…or else!”

    • BoxTurtle says:

      For a cardboard pizza, the Little Ceasers here in town does a strong business at $5 for a large pepperoni with no wait. They’re KILLING the local Dominos.

      As for running for Gov, well, she’s GOTTA be better than Crazy Pete.

      Boxturtle (Vote Cthuhlu…You don’t have to settle for the lesser evil)

  2. dakine01 says:

    One of the positive aspects of disliking cheese means I don’t eat pizza. Which means I have absolutely no temptation whatsoever to put any money into the pockets of the Ilitchs or the Monaghans

  4. qweryous says:

    As a long time pizza maker and eater I must side with MadDoG on this:
    “the crappiest pizza in the entire universe.”

    Actually have had a few just as crappy, but not as a part of a multinational marketing scheme where they were supposed to be that way.

    As a concerned pizza eater I fear for UM athletics.

  6. prostratedragon says:

    Thus begins the extraction of the karmic burden of [UM] that dumb stadium expansion and [MI, I suppose, though it’s not like they had a screamingly obvious alternative] taking the outsourcing of just about every other kind of activity lying down.

    This ain’t a-gonna be pretty.

  7. CTMET says:

    Oh well I guess Michigan is willing to forgo all of the chances to get to the Little Caesars bowl…

  8. scribe says:

    Having been a delivery driver for Dominos back in the 80s, I can say with certainty that it’s crappy pizza for a couple good reasons, first among them crappy standardized ingredients. I mean, pseudo-mozzarella that comes in granules? Granules the size of crystals of road salt. Big bags of granules. Premade dough shipped in trays of uniform blobs, said blobs having been shat out of some machine somewhere? And so on.

    And then there are the stoner workers (this was the 80s, before Nancy Reagan first uttered “Just say no”) paid minimum wage. I remember another driver who smoked joints while driving much the same way as I then smoked tobacco cigarettes – regularly, unabashedly, and with only one hand on the wheel.

    And the extreme profit in each pie. Back then, we delivered a large for $6.95. The cost of materials and labor was about $1.45. The rent and physical plant overhead could not have been that much, seeing as how one night the ovens almost fell through the floor of our half-decrepit building. And don’t start about the deathmobiles we drove. Most of us drove our own cars (that meant we got mileage, too, in addition to minimum wage plus tips) and lied to the insurance company about “business use”.

    I have since lived almost 20 years in a town where there were something like 10 or 15 places – delis and salumerias and such – making their own mozzarella fresh daily. And the “Pizza” listings in the yellow pages took up something like 10 or 15 pages, what with all the whole or fractional page ads. The national chains tried to get a place or two going in that town, only to be laughed out of town. Only newcomers and idiots ordered from them. I know from good pizza, and I know from crap pizza. Those chains don’t make good pizza. Hell, even the Egyptian pizza guy was better than theirs.

  9. Linnaeus says:

    I don’t even remember the last time I ate Little Caesars pizza; if I did, I wasn’t the one who ordered it. We’ve eaten Jet’s (at dad’s house) or Hungry Howie’s (mom’s house) for years.

  10. CTMET says:

    Michigan isn’t really known for their (non-chain) pizza. Wonder what made them think they could mass produce?

    • Rayne says:

      It’s really spotty; you have to find a good local place to get good pizza.

      Like Bay City’s B&C pizza; they have this fabulous monster-sized party pizza, good if trashed-up stuff. But you can’t get it outside the area, local only.

      There’s a couple decent places in Marquette — but then what college town doesn’t have a few decent pizzerias?

      • emptywheel says:

        what college town doesn’t have a few decent pizzerias?

        Ann Arbor.

        With the sole exception of Anthony’s pizza, which when I was a student in this town was too expensive for me.

        • Rayne says:

          Now that is criminal. Absolutely a shame. There’s just no good excuse for a school like U-M not to have a truly great pizzeria within walking distance of campus.

          • Peterr says:

            Sounds like an opportunity for some stimulus funds to be invested. Someone ought to be able to walk into town and really make some money in an environment like that.

        • CTMET says:

          Yeah maybe its the water out there thats the problem. Went to NY Pizza Depot when we were in town a while back for Homecoming. They have the name, but not the pizza.

          • emptywheel says:

            My problem is I’ve never developed a taste for (local style) College Inn pizza, with sesame seeds in the thick crust.

            That’s not pizza. That’s bad mall food.

  12. Peterr says:

    If only there was someone in Michigan with

    good name recognition,
    a strong nose for politics,
    progressive values,
    a work ethic that leaves everyone else in the dust (you know, like someone who used to play rugby or ultimate frisbee),
    mad mad MAD skills for digging through the weeds,
    someone who knows MI politics well (including where the bodies are buried and by whom),
    someone with strong media savvy,

    and — oh, yeah —

    someone with a bunch of friends who would go absolutely bonkers to support said person’s candidacy. (You know, crazy passionate people who would pony up cash, knock on doors, pester their neighbors, and fly in from out of state to pester their MI relatives and friends and all THEIR neighbors.)

    Ideally, said person would also have some well-connected friends in the blogosphere who could help push things there as well.

    If only we could find someone like that.

    *sigh*

    Oh, and it would be really cool if this was someone with whom you’d like to have a beer.

  13. fatster says:

    EW, do you have a clue what is going on between the Pentagon and the spooks? This is quite strange and certainly piqued my interest.

    Pentagon Calls Spy Critique “Irregular”

    “The Pentagon expressed surprise on Tuesday at the irregular way in which the U.S. military’s intelligence chief in Afghanistan aired his criticism of spy agencies — publishing a withering report with a private think tank.”

    More.

    Anyone else have a clue about this?

  14. Linnaeus says:

    Gonna have to disagree with you here, Emptywheel. Truly great pizza joints in A^2 are hard to find…as they are in most places. But decent? They’re there…you just have to look.

  15. nextstopchicago says:

    I was working on a Denise Ilitch/Vladimir Ilyich joke on behalf of those who call us socialists, but everything I can think of reads not so much like satire as like an actual quote from some tea-bagger, so I’ve given up.

  16. klynn says:

    Being of Macedonian decent, do you know which church the family attends in the greater Detroit area? Just curious.

  17. klynn says:

    Something is wonky with the reply this AM. The page won’t load when I click on it.

    Anyway…That should be “descent” @ 35.

    The brain just will not wake up.

  18. freepatriot says:

    that ain’t PIZZA

    I won’t reveal the location of the BEST PIZZA ON THE PLANET, but Roundtable finishes in second place every year in teh local “best pizza” competition

    I suppose that is good enough for the rest of you xommoners …

    (duckin & running)

    • freepatriot says:

      edit that:

      I suppose that is good enough for the rest of you xommoners

      I suppose that is good enough for the rest of you commoners

      y’all dint git no promotion

      (duckin & runnin)