Wacky GOP Hearings Ideas

Mary, who apparently is not a twit, noticed that those of us who are have been brainstorming all the great hearings the GOP will hold now that they control the House. And, in her infinite wisdom, she asked for a thread here so everyone can all join in the fun.

Here were my twitter suggestions:

  • Yemen: Should we triple the drone strikes or triple the right-wing owned contractors?
  • Drilling in ANWR: Before or after we triple drilling in Gulf deepwater?
  • How God wanted us to feel warmer so he just turned up the temperature a little.
  • Birth control: the godless socialists’ assault on God’s plans for women.
  • Legislative options to help banks foreclose on deadbeats faster.
  • Free Trade Agreements: After Chile, Colombia, and Korea, where ELSE can we export manufacturing jobs?

And some other favorites from Elon James White:

  • Jobs in America: Bad Economy or Too Many Mexicans.
  • Don’t Ask Don’t Tell: Can’t the gays just chill out already?
  • War on Terror: Can we classify Mexicans as Arab?

And Adam Serwer:

  • Santa Claus: Threat or Menace?
  • What’s Eric Holder hiding under that mustache?

What have we missed?

  1. Mary says:

    “Bo – illegal alien?”

    “Was Hawaiian statehood part of a radical jihadi plot?”

    “Democrats – a national security threat?”

    “Corporate Sponsorship of Supreme Court Seats – good idea or the BESTEST idea?”

    “Dealing with the socialist threats of police and fire services – can we ship ’em to France?”

  2. Mary says:

    I do have to admit – it might actually be a good idea to investigate what is under Holder’s mustache. Just sayin’.

    “Closed session hearing hosted by Sen Vitter: Prostitution and the legislative process. Special guests – Carl Paladino and his trained donkey, Jezebel.”

  3. qweryous says:

    Investigation into the refusal of the FDA to allow the use of the marketing slogan “Catfood: It’s What’s For Dinner” to sell animal food as human food.

    Investigation into the false claims by various NASA scientists that sun does not orbit the earth.

  4. qweryous says:

    SSCI closed hearing: “Misuse of the English language by the right wing- self identifying bug or self identifying feature? Implications Goin’ Forwerd”.

    Follow up to the “is refudiate a word yet” hearing.

  5. rosalind says:

    “necesary, legal sex-specific medical procedures that will no longer be considered ‘health care'”.

    oh wait, i’m thinking of presidential signing statements!

    never mind.

  6. lsls says:

    Investigation of whether Barack Hussein Obama is the cousin of Prime Minister Barak of Israel

    Investigation of whether Barack Hussein Obama is the “other” son of Saddam Hussein

    Investigation of whether Barack Hussein Obama is Osama Bin Laden’s lost brother Obama Bin Laden

    All Baracks and Osamas and Obamas and Husseins being previous residents of Hawaii.

  7. strangely enough says:

    Investigate and prosecute Obama for protecting war criminals*

    *Identities of war criminals are and must remain a State Secret. Revealing their identities would compromise national security and ongoing intelligence and/or military operations.

  8. jdmckay0 says:

    Why do they call them “hearings”?

    No doubt a Patriotification of congressional menu will fire up their troops (aka Freedom Fries)…

    – Liberty Linguine (hot dogs)

  9. Petrocelli says:

    “Canada, France or Norway, which one gives their citizens the best care should be our next front on Terrah”

  10. betrayus43 says:

    1. What did Obama do with the Bush surplus.

    2. Investigation of the IRS for stealing the people’s money

    3. Why Mexicans are to blame for the financial meltdown.

    4. Whether Obama is really a Christian or not? Exorcism services performed at C Street to cure him of the evil that controls him.

  11. fatster says:

    O/T. This could get interesting.

    White-Collar Experts Are Recruited [by Law Firms] to Handle Expected Increase in Government Enforcements [concerning “financial fraud and corporate bribery of foreign officials”]

    “The most recent partner grab occurred this week when New Jersey-based Lowenstein Sandler confirmed that Ira Sorkin, who was the defense counsel for Bernard Madoff, would be bringing along five other lawyers from Dickstein Shapiro on Monday. Mr. Sorkin, a former head of the SEC’s office in New York, in a statement said Lowenstein “presents a unique opportunity for myself and my group that I could not pass up.”‘


  12. dustbunny44 says:

    1. Privatizing the military: running war as a business by letting business run war.
    2. No more free rides: eliminating the public school system.
    3. The food pyramid: the only health care plan you will ever need, or ever get.
    4. Abolishing all tax on profits – stimulating the economy (next year: tax credits for profits!).
    5. Decriminalizing union busting: removing nazi communism from the workplace.
    6. social security: wall street’s last big financial opportunity. Don’t waste it!

  13. JamesJoyce says:

    1) Investigate why President “Abe Lincoln,” emancipated the slaves.

    2) Investigate why America wastes .80 cents of every dollar spent on gasoline, as it has done for decades? (No value lost here?)

    3) Investigate why Americans spend more on transportation costs, than food?

    4) Investigate why the due process rights of corporations, just like slave owners, are protected, to the detriment of slaves and the republic, as corporations are protected to the detriment of the citizens and the republic, today?

    5) Remind the body politic, it was President Lincoln a Republican, who emancipated the slaves from the slave owners, while it appears the current configuration of “Asselephants,” seek to legally and economically leverage into Servitude, to that “Aristocratic corporate shell,” who buy law, in the lust for perpetual corporate profit, at life’s expense.

  14. JohnLopresti says:

    Issa will investigate why Pelosi meddled in peace politics.

    Issa will investigate IBM software bugs that erase emails.

    Issa will investigate the Wilsons.

  15. Mary says:

    Where was Bill Clinton when Sox died?

    Why did Bill Clinton allow 9/11 to take place?

    Why isn’t Bill Clinton on the No Fly list?

    The economic collapse: What did Bill Clinton know and when did he Know IT?

    Is Bill Clinton planning an invasion of Haiti?

    ACK! How did furrin talk get on the Seal of the United States! Did Clinton do that?

  16. propensity says:

    you give these guys too much credit for creativity and work ethic.

    first thing boner does is change the house work week to start wednesday morning and end thursday early afternoon. gotta have more time for communing with constituents at golf resorts.

    that’s not gonna leave a lot of time for exotic hearings. gonna have to stick to the basics:

    CP, consumer protection/communist party
    citizen armament, the merits mandatory gun ownership
    final solutions for immigrants and homosexuals
    preservation and construction of america’s golf courses

  17. MarkH says:

    I hesitate to suggest anything as they might do it. However, per his suggestion during the campaign, I can imagine Rand Paul (pretending to) lead a committee hearing investigating law & regulatory rollback for the coal mining and oil & gas drilling industries. After all, he got money from those interests. He could call Don Blankenship of Massey Coal to testify about how corporations are tied down by regulations designed to protect people.