Tricksy Turkey Day Trash with Nickelback!


I’m officially launching a pre-emptive sneak attack on Turkey Day Trash because tomorrow, the undefeated Green Bay Packers come to the Lion’s Den to be feasted. And to neutralize Packers loyalists in these parts–yeah, I mean you, bmaz and Phred–I’m rolling out the Detroit Kitties’ secret weapon.


I know you’ve all been bitching and petitioning and whatnot for the last month to try to get a real band for halftime.

But none of you seem to understand the point. The point is not to entertain you with music!! The point is to neutralize Aaron Rodgers with banality! If all goes well, Rodgers will get all woozy-headed like he used to get with his near weekly concussions, only this time there won’t be any risk of physical injury to Rodgers.

Oh sure, we’ve got things planned to slow down Rodgers before halftime, too. You think we hired Ndomukong Suh for nothing? (Mostly, though, his job is to draw double teams so Cliff Avril can sack Rodgers.) But the way I figure it, Matt Stafford’s injured finger will lead to a pick or hopefully no more than two (Charles Woodson, remember you were a Michigander before you were a Packer, okay?), so the Kitties’ D is going to have to return the favor.

Thus, Nickelback. Sorry about that, folks. But I hope you understand this is a Division game against an undefeated team. We gotta use any advantage we can get.

In any case, I think the game will come down to three runners: James Starks, Randall Cobb, and Kevin Smith. Starks, because a knee injury might keep him out. Randall Cobb, because Detroit has been sucking it up on return coverage of late. And Kevin Smith because he went from inactive to NFC Offensive Player of the week in the last 2 weeks.

Anyway, on to dinner, which is what we’ll all be doing while the ‘Boys host the Fins.

Because even if the Packers-Kitties game doesn’t live up to billing, the HarBowl is sure to be a cracker. (Well, it will be a cracker for those of us who get NFL Network; for the rest of you, I hope your pumpkin pie is worthy substitute.) It features John Harbaugh and his Ravens hosting baby brother Jim’s Niners for Thanksgiving dinner. If this were a normal game in a normal week, I’d definitely take the Niners in this game. They are playing that well this year even on the road. But this is a short week and Niners have to travel east.

Then again, Ray Lewis may be out again with his ouchy toe. And the Ravens have looked as inconsistent this year as every other team in the AFC (aside from perhaps the Texans pre-Schaub loss).

Ultimately, I gotta go with the NFC and the Wolverine coach over his bro.

Go Kitties!

84 replies
  1. Jim White says:

    As a formerly practicing editor, I feel duty-bound to point out that it is “Rodgers”, with a “d”. If he starts to get too fired up over the disrespect you have shown to his name, I suggest you fire back by embedding the video of his appearance in the colossally bad State Farm commercial. Reminding him of his participation in such a piece of trash should take him down several notches in performance.

    [Damn. I see that in the time I was composing this message, you fixed the spelling of his name. But I’m sticking by my comment, ’cause I got nothing else this early…]

  2. emptywheel says:

    @Jim White: @Jim White: We;;, I left it wrong in comment 2 just so you can harrumph my rash disrespect.

    Though honestly, this is all about respect. I was horrified last year when I thought all his concussions might shorten his career, just as he was hitting all cylinders. So you see, the Nickelback, well badly understood, is really about respect. Neutralize RoDgers, but don’t do any real damage.

  3. scribe says:

    So, you decided to dive on the likker cabinet before we even woke up. Nice move, EW.

    Well, I’m going to friends for T-Day dinner and such, so I may still be on the road when the Kitties-Pack kick off, depending on the weather. But, I’ve managed to stave off winter so far; my contribution to dinner will be lettuce I just picked from my garden about an hour ago. (If I were to let on where I live and the weather I’m seeing out my window right now you’d be shaking your heads.) And some pureed chestnuts, which should go over well.

    I’m hoping for a Kitties’ triumph and a Niners win. I remember the Fins of the early 70s having their perfect season and don’t want that to be supplanted by some upstarts. And, for that matter, I want to avoid the debate of New England model v. Indy model for handling an undefeated-so-far record which has just this morning erupted on ESPN. Beat the Pack now and be done with it. Pop the champagne for the Fins. As to the Niners, their winning will put the Ravens one loss behind my Stillers which, as I reckon it, means (A) if the Stillers win Sunday coming off their bye (at KC) and the Ravens and the Stillers match records from here on out, the Stillers would win the division regardless of losing twice to the Ravens and (B) it would play some havoc with seeding in the AFC, to everyone’s entertainment. That, and I like seeing the Niners being good. Don’t ask me why. I just do.

    As to Dallas hosting the Fins in the annual Turkey Day thing at JerryWorld, I kind of miss Madden and his six-legged turkey thing, which was always entertaining. That, and now that JerryWorld is an indoor thing – an abomination before the Football Gods, particularly when you consider the old place the Owboys played in had a hole in the roof so, in Owboys’ management’s words, “God could watch his favorite football team” – Leon Lett skittering a football off himself into a Miami TD in the snow is no longer possible. And that makes me sad. And the Owboys’ cheerleaders always looked a little perkier when there was a chill in the air. Losing that makes me even sadder. Watching T-Day football in shirtsleeves is just wrong. Attending those games should require a pint of cheap blackberry brandy hidden under your coat. I think and hope the Football Gods will find something for Romo to gag on and give the Fins a win. This, too, will play havoc with the standings in the NFC and make December football in the No Fun League even more interesting.

  4. emptywheel says:

    @bmaz: Ah, just a sign you’re worried. After all, it’s RoDgers the Kitties have to beat, not some old Geezer not even Da Bears want absent Cutler. (Though it’d be fun if they did, bc it’d mean Geezer played on 3 different NFC North teams.)

    And what’s this talk of illegitimacy? Next thing you’re gonna be claiming that Suh plays dirty.

  5. emptywheel says:

    @scribe: The pattern of behavior around these parts is well-established. You gotta get to this crowed over control of the likker cabinet.

  6. emptywheel says:

    @bmaz: Like I said, RoDgers is not Suh’s job. Suh’s job is the entire O line (which, all things considered, is an easier task than some other O lines he’s dealt with this year). Avril’s job is RoDgers.

  7. scribe says:

    I like the ESPN commercial which just ran, one of their “It’s not Crazy, It’s Sports” series. This was one of the Terrible Towel edition showing, among many vignettes, an astronaut on the Space Station holding his Towel.

    Somewhere, Myron Cope takes another drag on his cigarette and smiles.

    We’re everywhere. We Rule. All the rest of you are second-raters.

    Now I gotta go back to peeling chestnuts for the chestnut puree.

  8. Kenneth Fair says:

    I am looking forward to Green Bay @ Detroit, because if anyone has a chance of beating Green Bay at this point, it’s most likely to be Detroit.

    Don’t count the Texans out post-Schaub, either. Leinart may have had his problems in Arizona, but he’s a much better fit for the Texans offensive playbook. Plus, it’s hard for the Texans to go too wrong with Andre Johnson’s return and the continued success of their two-headed running monster, Benarian Fostate. And the defense has continued to improve week after week as Wade Phillips introduces new elements to the defensive playbook.

  9. emptywheel says:

    @Kenneth Fair: Yeah, I agree the Kitties have a shot (though they’ll need to clean up both their penalties and their first half intensity). That said, their schedule against the Packers this eyar is tough: a short week this week, and then Lambeau the last game of the season (though by then the Packers will likely have nothing to play for, so they may pull a Peyton Manning and fluff through that game).

  10. GulfCoastPirate says:

    A preemptive Turkey Day sneak attack? LOL – good one.

    I think your hometown club is going to do just fine. Should be a good game. Have to disagree on the 49’s though. I’m still not convinced.

  11. scribe says:

    @emptywheel: We’ve seen how well that laying down thing has worked out for Peyton and the Colts, haven’t we?

    The Football Gods are not forgetful, particularly when it comes to tanking games.

  12. GulfCoastPirate says:

    @bmaz: Brett wouldn’t go over too well in H-town. If we’re going to lose we prefer to do it with a certain amount of dignity.

  13. Blue Texan says:

    I look forward to watching the Cowboys increase the Dolphins’ chances in the Suck for Luck sweepstakes, though, sadly — it looks like Indy is going to win that one.

  14. emptywheel says:

    @Blue Texan: I actually think the Fins might just win this one. It’s the kind of game Dallas would lose and the Fins would surprise with.

    And besides, Indy is pretty much excelling in the Suck for Luck sweeps the way they normally excel at getting to the playoffs. What they set their mind to, it seems, they do.

  15. Petrocelli says:


    Do that and Rodgers will be flat as a Pancake …

    Happy American Thanksgiving !

    We celebrated Canuck Thanksgiving on Oct. 10 and are now busy preparing for Canuck Christmas next week … a joke that only me & Martin Short get …

  16. bmaz says:

    @jo6pac: Oooh, thanks Joe. I was not able to go to the Peterson, but hear it was wonderful. By the way, the MG TC described in the article was quite a car, Phil still had it and it was completely restored in a beautiful platinum. It was, as described, blown which made it, as light as it was, pretty darn fast. I got to drive it a couple of times. The picture on the second page of Phil’s Pierce Arrow does not do it justice. It is one of the most stunning cars I have ever seen anywhere, anytime. The royal blue paint almost radiates and the interior is magnificent. The car was always a Hill vehicle, as it was bought new by his aunt, who raised him. Still had it when he died.

    • bmaz says:

      What the hell is going on here?? RoDgers already has more than two incompletions. That is like a whole game’s worth.

  17. emptywheel says:

    @Jim White: Does younger daughter know that the Kitties are usually down 15 by now?

    If they simply get through the next quarter w/o spotting the Packers 10, we can win this.

    Cmon Kitties.

    • bmaz says:

      Yeah, you gonna need a new running back apparently. Kevin Smith: from couch to player of the week to injury cart in ten days.

  18. emptywheel says:

    On the bright side. Our crappy punting game is pretty much keeping the ball out of Cobb’s hand.

    On the bad side: the pass-rush induced penalties aren’t gonna get any better with Smith going to the locker room.

  19. emptywheel says:

    So with 6 minutes left in the half, the Lions have given the Packers 63 yards in penalties, and Aaron Rogers has given the Packers 62 yards against a banged up secondary.

  20. emptywheel says:

    Aaron Rodgers has to stop looking for a flag–those hits are no harder than Matthews is plastering Stafford with every play.

    It make him look like Jay Cutler.

  21. bmaz says:

    Good gawd that is just fucking pitiful. Even the Nickleback dancers are fugly. If this is what we get maybe shouldnt have bailed out Detroit.

  22. emptywheel says:

    And we continue to give this game away. Rodgers is not missing receivers and we’re giving them the game.

  23. par4 says:

    Does anyone else find these Fox announcers unbearable? I swear listening to them is worse than listening to ESPN.

  24. emptywheel says:

    Hmm. The Kitties have prevented me from facing the dilemma of what to do with my prematurely cooked turkey.

  25. Linnaeus says:

    Lions are 21 down. Right where they want to be, if this season is any indicator.

    But I don’t think this week will follow the pattern, sadly. Even so, I can now wear my Lions jacket with pride.

    Get it? Pride?

  26. bmaz says:

    Having completed my first unintended nap of the day (think I got hypnotized by all those Cheese colored flags dropping around the Kitties), I am here to collect my winnings. Since Phred seems to be absent, I will hold her’s too.

  27. emptywheel says:

    Well, the shitty Kitties worked out for me.

    They started losing badly right when our bird prematurely finished cooking, so I didn’t miss anything and managed to get the bird out at the perfect moment. It was absolute wonderful (though I’m fairly sure we’ll be eating turkey til Christmas). And we finished in time to do a big long walk while it was still light.

    Sometimes these things all work out.

    And I don’t much care who wins tonight, so I can have an easier time of it.

  28. Phoenix Woman says:

    Anyone wanna bet Subway drops Suh after today? (Which would be a pity; they could, if they were to sell paninis, build a promotion around the Ndamukong Suh Panini Stomper: grilled using a press with an impression of a cleated foot.)

  29. freepatriot says:

    Petrocelli @ 66


    WTF ???

    illegitimate trash talk must be a “hi-lo” kinda thing

    what do I know, I’m jes a pie eatin fool

  30. Mary says:

    @ petrocelli *g* yeah,yeah, yeah. Kicking when down hurts, kicking when safely buried just stubs your toe ; )

    I was ure there was going to be a group w post/link toda. Hand in your dfh cards.

  31. Mary says:

    @ petrocelli *g* yeah,yeah, yeah. Kicking when down hurts, kicking when safely buried just stubs your toe ; )

    I was sure there was going to be a group w post/link today. Hand in your dfh cards.

  32. Bob Schacht says:

    Late fly-by from Hawai’i:
    “You think we hired Ndomukong Suh for nothing?”
    Apparently so. When last seen on the field, he was pounding a Packer player’s head into the ground (3x) and was ejected from the game. Apparently, he’s got some growing up (mentally and emotionally) to do.

    To see this game in Hawai’i, I had to get up at 7 AM, with kick-off at 7:30!

    Of course, the Packers were helped by 3 significant turnovers. Not a wise thing to do against an undefeated team.

    Later on, I saw the end of the Harbaugh Bowl, but I forget which is which. Can someone help me? However, the 49er Express was derailed by the Ravens, apparently aided by *9* (sic.) sacks? Looks like there was something the San Francisco Harbaugh forgot to include in the game plan.Has the NFL ever had two brothers coaching against each other before?

    And now, to top off the Eastern Time Zone Curse, I have to get up before 7 AM to see the kick-off for the Ohio State game. It was amazing how the Wovereenies dismantled Nebraska. Impressive!

    Bob in AZ
    temporarily in HI

  33. GulfCoastPirate says:

    @bmaz: Is this the first time you’ve had a chance to see Case play? Just a routine day at the office:

    5 touchdowns
    33 of 46
    457 yards
    0 interceptions

    If he doesn’t get the Heisman it would be a joke.

  34. quebecois says:

    Is there another trash coming for the weekend? Or do I just say how much I love the track in Brazil and how i’m always throwing up in my mouth when I see the word Nickelback…

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