I’m officially launching a pre-emptive sneak attack on Turkey Day Trash because tomorrow, the undefeated Green Bay Packers come to the Lion’s Den to be feasted. And to neutralize Packers loyalists in these parts–yeah, I mean you, bmaz and Phred–I’m rolling out the Detroit Kitties’ secret weapon.
I know you’ve all been bitching and petitioning and whatnot for the last month to try to get a real band for halftime.
But none of you seem to understand the point. The point is not to entertain you with music!! The point is to neutralize Aaron Rodgers with banality! If all goes well, Rodgers will get all woozy-headed like he used to get with his near weekly concussions, only this time there won’t be any risk of physical injury to Rodgers.
Oh sure, we’ve got things planned to slow down Rodgers before halftime, too. You think we hired Ndomukong Suh for nothing? (Mostly, though, his job is to draw double teams so Cliff Avril can sack Rodgers.) But the way I figure it, Matt Stafford’s injured finger will lead to a pick or hopefully no more than two (Charles Woodson, remember you were a Michigander before you were a Packer, okay?), so the Kitties’ D is going to have to return the favor.
Thus, Nickelback. Sorry about that, folks. But I hope you understand this is a Division game against an undefeated team. We gotta use any advantage we can get.
In any case, I think the game will come down to three runners: James Starks, Randall Cobb, and Kevin Smith. Starks, because a knee injury might keep him out. Randall Cobb, because Detroit has been sucking it up on return coverage of late. And Kevin Smith because he went from inactive to NFC Offensive Player of the week in the last 2 weeks.
Anyway, on to dinner, which is what we’ll all be doing while the ‘Boys host the Fins.
Because even if the Packers-Kitties game doesn’t live up to billing, the HarBowl is sure to be a cracker. (Well, it will be a cracker for those of us who get NFL Network; for the rest of you, I hope your pumpkin pie is worthy substitute.) It features John Harbaugh and his Ravens hosting baby brother Jim’s Niners for Thanksgiving dinner. If this were a normal game in a normal week, I’d definitely take the Niners in this game. They are playing that well this year even on the road. But this is a short week and Niners have to travel east.
Then again, Ray Lewis may be out again with his ouchy toe. And the Ravens have looked as inconsistent this year as every other team in the AFC (aside from perhaps the Texans pre-Schaub loss).
Ultimately, I gotta go with the NFC and the Wolverine coach over his bro.