Memo To The Clueless Nepotistically Self Unaware Flexible Bag Of Mostly Water Known As Luke Russert
Let’s take a look at the latest from L’il Luke, humbly entitled:
Luke Russert: Like Me, Paul Ryan Is Driven By Personal Loss
Well, golly, you just know it is going to be an intellectual and cognitively aware barnburner piece from that, no?
Of course it is, because that is the searing literary talent of the one and only Luke Russert; progeny of the Wonder of Whiteboard, Tim Russert. Let us inspect Luke’s Hemmingwayesque prose:
I peppered the congressman with questions about the health care law and budget priorities for an interview a colleague would use on Nightly News. When we were done, we exchanged pleasantries and he got up to leave. After about 15 seconds, he came back in the room and asked me, “How old was your dad when he passed from heart disease?” I told him, “58.” He said, “Mine was 55. My grandfather and great-grandfather both died from heart issues in their 50s, too.” He then asked me if I was into fitness and inquired about my workout regimen. He told me to run more and that I needed to work up a sweat at least five days a week. We both joked about how preventative fish oil supplements had a bad aftertaste.
Oh, what personal pathos these two poor sons have seen. Luke, son of Tim, product of St. Alban’s Academy in Washington DC, was left with a mother who worked for Vanity Fair, an estate and mansion on Nantucket Island fit for a king and a sinecure at NBC.
Bootstraps baby, bootstraps.
And L’il Luke’s brother in hardscrabble upbringing, Paul Ryan? This common man of the people was born the son of a respected lawyer in a Wisconsin town known as Janesville and:
Mr. Ryan, the youngest of Paul M. and Betty Ryan’s four children, was born in 1970 and grew up in Janesville’s historic Courthouse Hill neighborhood…
Like Luke Russert’s traumatic childhood, Paul Ryan suffered such various hardships as being voted Prom King and “Biggest Brown-Noser” in high school.
Oh, the pain they must have suffered, the poor dears.
The smooth stylings of Luke Russert’s searing reportage continue:
Much has been written about Ryan’s notorious P90X workouts and physical discipline. At one point he was a personal trainer in Washington to help pay the bills. Aside from the obvious health benefits, from many personal conversations I’ve had with him since that day in Baltimore, I believe Ryan keeps himself so physically fit in order to downplay the anxious feeling all children of heart disease victims have — the dreadful thought you could be next.
I can attest that this feeling spurs you to accomplish as much as possible because the idea that you’re on earth for a limited time is imprinted in your mind daily. Ryan was elected to the House at 28, was Chairman of the House Budget Committee at 40 and now is his party’s presumptive nominee for vice president at age 42. He’s already accomplished in 42 years what most politicians would hope to do in a lifetime.
Yes, what bloody hell these two tortured souls must have faced. Previous to reading the poignant words of Luke Russert about the woe and tribulations he and Paul Ryan (who has effectively never been out of government employ) commonly faced in life, I used to occasionally think maybe my life could have been better somehow. If, you know, only….
I used to think there was a lot of suffering in the world. At least until I read Luke Russert and Paul Ryan’s common brotherhood of upbringing hurt. But, relatively, in light of all the real suffering Russert and Ryan went through to be where they are today, I was one of the luckiest guys on the face of the earth.
For all the downtrodden out there, just be glad you have not suffered the “personal loss” of Luke Russert and Paul Ryan. We can all learn something from these bottom to the top, self reliant, American success stories of will and perseverance.
Well, or better, we can call out these two smarmy, self serving, holier than thou, nepotistic fucking pricks for what they really are. One represents the death spiral of American journalism, and the other the grim reaper for the morals and social safety net our fathers, mothers, grandfathers and grandmothers fought, died and worked so hard to insure. Yeah, those really are the stakes.
So, you might think
Tiny Tim, er Luke’s, tale of two forlorn, down on their luck, dandy pimpernels is over. Oh, no, there is a moving coda from Boy Wonder Russert:
So while Ryan is no doubt inspired by his faith, family, party and desire to shape the country in the ways he sees as best for the future, it should not be lost where much of his drive comes from — personal loss.
Personal loss. Yes. Of course. Like Russert and Ryan have some lock on fucking personal loss.
Please. Just get the fuck out, you simpering weenie naif. We all suffer personal loss, it is not yours to carry as a mantle of significance. We all have lost, or will lose, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers and friends. What grandiose hubris you project with your sniveling, self serving tripe on behalf of yourself and Paul Ryan.
Get over yourself you candy ass punk; neither you, Ryan, me, not likely many, if any, of those actually able to read this article, are suffering the worst life has to offer. We are all fortunate sons and daughters, and you should just shut the fuck up.
If only the foregoing palpably, cloying, asinine bullshit were but the worst of the situation. But, sadly, it is not. No, the deeper problem is that this is the gilded hollow future of journalism. At a time when print media, beat writers and old school journalism is dying like the plague has set in, this, L’il Luke Russert, is the harbinger of what’s to come. How can you tell? Well, because the “senior talent” NBC ensconced in the hallowed throne of L’il Luke’s father is the hollow and shallow dipstick known as Dancin Dave Gregory.
The suck up, Beltway Stockholmed Gregory is enough to make you puke, but he is par for the course for television networks that care more about scamming and plundering their viewers than playing to their common intelligence. NBC bastardized and cocked up the the London2012 Olympics big time; but that was just annoyance in sporting entertainment. It may have been craven, but it does not hold a candle to the intellectual and informational fraud they pull on their viewers via their news and political reportage every hour of every day.
L’il Luke Russert, and his suck up wet kiss to his soul mate in personal loss Paul Ryan, is but a symptom of the disease. It is a race to the bottom of the barrel, and with wet behind the ears, nepotistically installed, inbred Shetland ponies like Luke Russert, NBC and NBCNews.com are leading the field.
Gee, bmaz … your opinion of them is about like TBogg’s, actually. (I’d say it was like mine, but I’ve managed to avoid the Russert clan.)
Back in my DFH days reading a column like this would have inspired the words — Far Out! Great stuff Bmaz.
Lil’ Russert, like any good narcissist, imagines that he and only he has suffered “loss” such as the natural death of a late middle aged parent through heart disease, stroke or cancer. He must never have seen an insurance actuary table.
He can only see the world through his own eyes or those similar to his. Unearned, youthful success through wingnut welfare seems the theme here. All attributed, naturally, to personal talent, discipline and muscular christianity, the latter expressed via the class bound requirement of a personal trainer. One can only hope such trainers preserve their most intimate photos from the internets.
The ugliness of narcissism is proportional to its severity. Lil’ Luke’s, I’m afraid, is as extreme as that afflicting David Brooks and Tommy Friedman, both of whom, like Luke, think of themselves as just your average, objective, centrist, Main Street, middle income Joe. That’s as accurate as imagining that Mrs. Heinz Kerry gets by on a diet of ketchup.
Ugly bag of mostly water, candy ass punk, and inbred Shetland pony, all in one post — nicely done, bmaz, nicely done : )
I wonder if Russert has the intellectual capacity (unlikely) to envision the personal loss that Ryan is dying to inflict on millions through his budget. That sort of personal loss doesn’t even register with the entitled likes of Russert. Candy ass punk.
Lil Luke is just like his daddy in one way – his daddy wasn’t a journalist and neither is Lil Lukie
Just loved your low-key, understated take on things Bmaz.
BTW NBC were obviously delaying coverage of the London Olympics because Ryan’s putative boss had predicted it would all go so wrong. You really have to hope his view of the election is as good. (I am so amazed to be able to say this!)
Looking at that Nantucket mansion, I’m wondering just how many cocktail weenies it took to build.
@chetnolian: Despite the lousy coverage we got on this side of the pond, it was clearly a spectacular show you folks put on. Hard to imagine how it all could have worked better. Well done!
I forget most of the newsitems I read during the Irv Libby aspen roots connected person trial; but, I seem to recall Patrick Fitzgerald US attorney nearly eliciting damning testimony from Timothy Russert. There always was something connected about T Russert’s outlook, although clearly he got modern entertainmented and mediaized. I admit to not watching television, but I saw a few clips of his moderator work and news reportage.
The kind of Republican emotional partyline rhetoric of which bmaz’s tale of two partisans is redolent is the sort of wedge-issue sensationalism designed to turn the vote in undecided states. People can go to the park and cast litter to the winds, enjoy driving the middle of wide lanes like the Rte 66 lede video of yore, contemplate whether neodarwinism or paleodarwinism is the more accurate or socially more proper, and read newspapers like our local tabloid has become now that New York Times sold it to an outfit called Halifax, which owns papers throughout FL, NC, and even farther netherlands.
Looking at the nice little Nantucket home, and knowing that area is one of quite vigorous winter storm weather; and considering rep Ryan’s upbringing home’s location in a nice peaceful neighborhood; I was reminded of my initial shocked impression when I accompanied some kind and nice people to Independence, Missouri, and saw the noble broadleafed trees and tidy, comfortable houses, one of which had belonged to ex-President Harry Truman.
Life is nice when it has trees. And if we are to halt global warming, we need to plant them, not cut them down, or harvest them at midnight after bribing government somewhere 6,000 miles distant. I wonder what these “conservatives” think about trees. I hope the ‘town hall’ formatted debate scheduled permits someone to ask about what we can do to join with countries that want to bring rampant discharges of greenhouse gas and toxic chemicals into the environment under control; if planting trees is worthwhile; if cities can cease building ‘heat islands’ paved to the rims, and simply return to bringing plants back into cities to help absorb the sunlight and remove carbon dioxide from the air.
An acquaintance once suggested that maybe it will take lots of casinos to accomplish this goal, as government seems to be about ignoring both teleology and causality; the Indians can reap the casino profits, and then buy back the land from the settlers who messed things up and ruined the environment.
Pretty tangential to the tale of noblesse oblige in the blogpost, I admit. And obviously I would fare strangely in a political discussion, if one were to be had, with either of the two referenced gents, Ryan, Russert.
Still, I have no problem with physiculturists, insofar as they go. It’s a font of learning.
And that pony is laughing, if ponies laugh.
I feel like you’re holding back, bmaz.
Little Luke got his first gig working for James Carville at XMRadio in DC..
@Radio lady: Ragin’ Cajun is a real shitty picker of people what with Matalin and Russert.
Best blog post yet this year in any venue.
Bmaz’s writing has always suffered from understatement.
@Bill Michtom: Honestly, it REALLY pissed me off. Russert and Ryan’s fathers lived a lot longer than mine did, and they had far more time with them than I did, and mine also died from heart complications. Yeah, it sucks, but that is kind of how life is, no? I cannot even fathom framing perception as Russert did, much less actually penning that pile of self absorbed crap he did. And I mean I would never even write a blog post in that manner, much less a submission through NBC News to gazzilions of people. Bleech
Yeah, sure, bmaz — but you don’t have Mrs Greenspan standing over you, panting (drily) about what a good little journalist you are. The kid didn’t arrive at his high opinion of himself alone: he’s got plenty of enablers, other Villagers who saw his dad go through the revelatory hell f the Libby trial and though, “Thank God that wasn’t me on the stand.” Russert pere was the sin-eater for the entire Village, and then he had the bad manners to die before they could all fete him with honors and even more privileges.
The only way for them to expiate their sin of not having ensured Tim knew how loved he was, and how grateful they were for him standing up for their journalistic values (and being roundly mocked for everything they believe about sourcing, “off the record,” etc) is to lavish even more undeserved treasure upon his issue.
Yes, he’s odious. But there are lots of grownups in the room who should know better too.
Poor little Luke is so obtuse that he has failed to notice that the Washington press corp’s past fawning and slobbering fetishism of Paul Ryan’s workout routine and abs has been so widely ridiculed and made the source of parody that even the dimwits at Fox and Friends have the sense to avoid continuing doing it.
I’m thinking about the survivors of hurricane Katrina and the Haiti earthquake, who lost not only family members, but their homes, their livelihoods and their entire communities; who saw their loved ones floating on floodwaters or dumped unceremoniously into mass graves–far different from the glittering excesses that characterized the memorial service for Tim Russert. Those were personal losses…yes…but traumatic beyond imagining. The Katrina and Haiti survivors, however, do not have the built-in advantages that Russert and Ryan had to comfort them. Quietly and with dignity, they picked up their misery and moved on.
Probably, it will surprise no one here that Paul Ryan was voted “Best Brown-Noser in high school.
I saw a Chelsey Clinton piece on Elephants last evening. What the hell is it with NBC? Newcomers Bush, Clinton, Russert being allowed to do pretty much anything they want (at the network level!)