McCaffrey the MilleniaLab’s Trash Talk

[This week’s Trash is by an esteemed guest poster, McCaffrey]


Hi there fine humans that inhabit and visit this here blog! My name is McCaffrey, and I allow Mr. and Mrs. Wheel to live with me in my house. Now, much like the grand Norma Desmond, I have always been “ready for my closeup”. And, baybee it came today! Like butter, I am on a roll.

Yes, you probably have seen by now the feature story on meeeee that Newsweek Magazine came out with today. Yes yes, there was also mention of my mom, Emptywheel, but I was the star of the show. All teh bitchezz are gonna want to date meeeee! Also, I LOVE jerky and pizza.

Well, enough about me, I hear we are supposed to talk trash here. I love talking trash. Even more, I love rummaging through trash. Oh, wait, I am getting word that is a different kind of trash. Jeez, all these rulz. Alright, let’s see what is up then.

One of my favorite people in the world is my lawyer, bmaz (he gives me jerky! WOOF!), has his Sun Devils down in Texass at the Jerry Dome to play the Blighted Irish. But, no, that is not the biggest game. The biggest student athlete game is the Fighting Journalists of Northwestern, versus those pernicious Sweatervests from THE Ohio State University. This is the biggest game in Evanston in a very long time and I think even the ESPN Game Day crew is there. OSU is a favorite by 7 points on the current line. I am pulling for the Journalists, but wouldn’t bet real money on them.

The other tilt of note is the aforementioned ASU Sun Devils and Notre Dame. Number 22 ranked ASU is 4-1, with their only loss to Stanford on the road. The Devils had an abysmal first half, but outplayed the Tree in the second half. Still got whacked. Hard to tell if ASU is for real or just lucky (and man were they lucky against Wisconsin). The Irish have two losses and fell out of the top 25. Still, their losses were to Michigan and Oklahoma, both nationally ranked teams. I have no idea what will happen in this game, but it should be a great one to watch. Also interesting is the late night Saturday Pac-12 conference matchup of Washington and Stanford. The Huskies have a nice team this year under Steve Sarkisian (who may well bolt next season for his old haunts at USC), but they don’t have enough to overcome the Tree.

In the Pros, we have already seen the Browns move to 3-2 with a win over the Bills on Thursday night. But they lost their sparkplug Brian Hoyer for the year to an ACL injury. Brandon Weeden, who had lost the starting job to Hoyer will have to lead them now. He did well against the Bills though. Game of the weekend has to be the Lions at Lambeau to meet the Cheese. Good luck with that, the Kittehs are 0 for their last 22 visits to Titletown. Don’t think the breakthrough is coming this year either. Lot of noise about Denver in Dallas, but, man, Peyton is on fire. Dallas has always been a thorn for Peyton, but hard to see it this year.

McCaffrey rawhide receiptSeattle at the Colts should be a great game. Lot of folks had the Colts dropping off this year, but they are really good once again. Luck versus Russell Wilson. Game on. Both teams have great QBs and both have punishing running backs. Indy is good on D, but I think Seattle is enough better to carry the day. Pats at Bengals could also be a good game. Bill Bel and Brady are getting their groove back though, so I will ride with them (also, they are Mom’s team, so WOOFF!!) Iggles at Giants….Hahahahahaha, jeez who cares anymore? Chefs at Titans also could be decent game. I’m going to take Alex Smith and Andy Reid here, they are just too steady.

This weekend is also the Korean Grand Prix. Yeongam is not a bad circuit, especially considering the boys just escaped the ugly Marina Bay in Singapore. Vettel and Red Bull already pretty much have the crowns locked up, the jousting behind them is all there really is of interest left. And Alonso looks pretty firm in second place for that matter. By the way, Sebastian Vettel is turning into a bit of a consistent dick. Weather outlook is improving from possible typhoon status, but still could be dicey.

And, finally, baseball. Divisional playoffs are in full swing, and all the series are looking interesting. Hard not to root for the Pirates.

Well humans, that is it for my guest star role here. Remember, I LOVE cute girl dogs, pizza and jerky! Oh yeah, the music, ahem, what else did you think a black dog would play??

161 replies
  1. masaccio says:

    If the Irish can keep Tommy Rees upright, they have a chance. I’m calling on Pope Francis for help there, the O-Line is gonna need it.

  2. bmaz says:

    @EH: As McCaffrey’s lawyer, I lodged a formal complaint about that actually. But they bought him off with a SuperDog cape and…

  3. bmaz says:

    @masaccio: ASU has a pretty good D-line, but their best player on it, Will Sutton, has a temperamental knee. If he is healthy, he is very good. Will be a fun game, I will see you during it I presume.

  4. JohnT says:

    It’s actually a pretty good weekend for football

    The Whornes and the refs stole the game against Iowa State; Nevada stormed back in the 4th with three TD’s, only to lose in OT to San Diego State; then there’s Michigan State and Iowa; Illinois and Nebraska; Ole Miss and Auburn; Arkansas and Florida

    And in the pros there’s Texans v Niners, neither team can afford to lose, but one has to; Seahawks v Colts’ Chefs v Titans; Patriots and Bengals; Bears and *Aints

    And Go Pirates, and of course the A’s!

  5. GulfCoastPirate says:

    Congratulations on the article. Nice piece.

    No mention of Texans – 49er’s? No respect I tell ya, no respect.

    Chefs at Titans? Is Mario Batali their new nose tackle? :)

  6. Bay State Librul says:

    The price is right.

    Lackey vs Price @ 5:37PM

    I’m still feeling residual animosity towards Lackey. I saw him pitch on two occasions last year, and he sucked. Credit given for his performance and attitude change in 2013.

    What I’m really worried about is Price. His last three starts are 3-0 and a 2.57 ERA. His 95 MPH fast ball may give the home team headaches…
    Need to get to him early.

    You think Sox fans will show compassion toward Myers? I started drinking heavily after the 4th inning meltdown.

  7. bmaz says:

    @JohnT: Iowa State got jobbed bad. How in the world did that not get reversed on review? Unbelievable. The refs really are in the Longwhorens pocket.

    @GulfCoastPirate: Damn, I mean to mention that board. Thanks @dakine01: for mentioning it. The panel is not horrible…other than Rice.

  8. scribe says:

    My Wonder Setter sends regards to the MilleniaLab, then returns to yawning, watching for cats, begging for food, taking a scratch, and snoring.

    A dog’s life, if ever.

    NB: Early this morning during our walk, she saw this fluffy black and white “cat”, tail held high, and had to be restrained from going after it. I didn’t feel like de-skunking her again.

    I’m not going to come out for any team this week b/c it seems my choices have all been losing of late and I’ve had enough of that. I will say, though, that if the Stillers don’t pull out of this losing streak next week, the question will no longer be “what’s wrong with the team?” but rather “why did Tomlin lose the locker room?”

    That, and Eli needs some excoriating for his losing ways. I don’t care if he has two rings and Peyton doesn’t. Peyton’s on his way to one of the epic seasons any QB has ever had. All while the Stillers are pissing away the prime of Ben’s career.

  9. Jim White says:

    Uh oh. If the pets are starting to post we are all in trouble.

    I guess after all the “must win” games the Rays have had, it’s okay that they played like shit yesterday. They only need to win one of the three in Boston as long as they hold serve at the Trop. Today with Price looks like a very good candidate if he is even half as good as he was in Texas.

    I’m liking the Gators with Tyler Murphy at the helm. I hope he continues to settle in. Tonight’s game against the Hogs could be fun.

  10. Brian Silver says:

    This brings to mind an old line: “If you’ve got yourself a talking dog, it doesn’t really matter whether he has anything interesting to say.”

    But McCaffrey does know how to write. That is an even rarer skill, I suspect. Not being a dog owner puts me at a disadvantage in trying to understand this phenomenon.

    EW: great to see the Newsweek story!

  11. Peterr says:

    The Fighting Journalists may be underdogs, but they know how to capitalize.

    The Sweatervests, OTOH, know how to fold. They are also, by their own admission, nuts.

  12. Peterr says:

    @dakine01: Condi is every conservative’s favorite sports gal. She was one of the first female members of Augusta’s famously exclusive golf club (clearly a safe choice for Augusta, so as to make it clear that they were not admitting any radical feminists), and various folks pushed for her to be named NFL commissioner in 2006.

    My WAG: She’s just working the minor leagues here, waiting for the top job to come open again.

  13. Peterr says:

    A little NFL Trash Talk from Mr. Pierce:

    All NFL fans owe it to themselves to read League Of Denial, the expose of the inexcusable negligence, and outright deceit, that has been the hallmark of the league’s attitude towards the destruction of the human body that is so central to the sport. The similarities to how the NFL treated scientific research that it didn’t like, and how the tobacco industry and (more recently) the climate-denial industry operate, is stark and terrifying. Increasingly, watching American football is becoming a seriously ambiguous moral exercise. Meanwhile, get pissed and sign this and end the idiotic practice of treating the NFL like a non-profit enterprise. I like any non-profit that pays its boss $30 million a year.

    Someone has a very odd definition of non-profit is they’re paying the boss $30 million a year. It’s not enough that the NFL extorts tax money to build their stadiums, and they have to have tax breaks like this on top of it? Sounds like a good place to eliminate a loophole to me.

  14. JohnT says:


    Forgot one.

    Teh Wolverinees from Wheelieland v the Golden Gophers of the real frozen tundra. Seeing as how the Wolvereenies like to keep it close against lesser teams it’s gotta be money in the bank, to take the spread in this one

  15. phred says:

    @Bay State Librul: I’m with you BSL, I really really really wish the BoSox had dumped Lackey. I want the home team to win, but jeez I can’t wait for Lackey to vanish from the majors…

  16. bmaz says:

    Next week’s Trash shall be titled “A Little Love for Lackey”.

    Also, Phred, did you get a chance to see the Wisconsin/ASU football game 3 weeks ago? It was good!

  17. phred says:

    Nice piece in Newsweek, EW, long overdue and very very well deserved! I especially liked the pissy comment by someone who would be expected to hold a “critical” view: “I don’t typically read her blog. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t read mine.” With that example of the mystery person’s ability to offer a poltical/journalistic critique, I’m not sure I would read their blog either…

  18. phred says:

    @bmaz: I’ve been traveling, missed the entire preseason, and have thus far only seen one quarter of a Packer game. Got home in time to spend all of last Sunday watching football, and the Pack had a bye week. The nerve!

    Anyway, hoping to catch up on both the Pack and the Badgers now that I’m home. Totally bummed I missed the Badger-Sun Devil game, would have loved to trash it up : )

  19. Peterr says:

    @bmaz: The Badgers would beg to differ with your characterization of that game — or at least the officiating thereof.

  20. emptywheel says:

    @EH: I gave a confusing explanation. McCaffrey really doesn’t give a shit–he’s already demanded a cape w/the letters ML on the back. But his lawyer is not happy.

  21. emptywheel says:

    @Jim White: Oh, I think your Kitties would do great. I can never tell them apart well enough to figure out which is the more mischievous. Think it’s the girl kitty.

    Tho I heard a rumor she’s a Bama fan.

  22. emptywheel says:

    Btw, McC the MilleniaLab’s lawyer, he has another issue he’d like you to deal with. You see, his staff, emptywheel and Mr. emptywheel, abandoned him to do some kind of “Art and Adventure Race” today. After abandoning him for the entire nap period, however long that was (Alpha at least bribed him with a full hot dog before she left), they’ve come back and started doing contortions on his rug. Well, Alpha did contortions, something about stretching out her inflamed back. Beta, on the other hand, has not only taken over the floor but ALSO one of McC’s cushions. Now he’s sound asleep.

    In any case, you see the series of egregious insults poor McC the ML has had to endure. He’d like some relief, counselor.

  23. VAGreen says:

    Hard to type with purring kitty in lap. Be good, McCaffrey! Don’t cause your Mommy too much trouble.

  24. emptywheel says:

    @Brian Silver: While I was catching up to this thread he also came over and confiscated my wallet for some reason. He took it over to his stoop, I think, in hopes it’d be easier to sort through the good stuff there.

    Lucky for us, we’re inconsistent on where we get pizza. Cause in Ann Arbor, he used to walk us up to the pizza joint and sit down. And for a while he was figuring out walk signs (tho his eyes have gotten worse since then). We were worried one day he’d march up there w/my wallet and wait until they gave him a pizza.

  25. Jim White says:

    @emptywheel: Nope. Even though the girl kitty is much larger (about 1.5 by weight), she is much more cautious. If you scroll back on my Twitter feed to Thursday, you will find a great action shot of Riker in a tree chasing a squirrel.

  26. emptywheel says:

    @dakine01: What. The. Fuck.

    I’m no fan of Condi. But she knows her football. And Suzy Kolbert actually PLAYED football and knows a whole shitload about football. Heck, I’ve played pre-helmet-football, and know a thing or too.

  27. VAGreen says:

    @emptywheel: “Heck, I’ve played pre-helmet-football, and know a thing or too.”

    Cool. Back when I was in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend, I was lamenting the decline in tackling technique in the NFL. She promptly put a textbook NFL tackle on me.

  28. emptywheel says:

    So the McC the ML picture.

    One day Mr. EW and I had just returned w/a ton (well, maybe a third ton) of flagstones in his car. We let McC out of the house and then realized we needed to back up the car to our garden so let him in the car. But he of course had to go in the front seat on account of the flagstones.

    While there, he found this rawhide just lying on the floor. He took it, ran out of the car, and asked to be let back in the house so he could eat it. But because he’s a MilleniaLab, he wisely ALSO grabbed the receipt in case anyone tried to claim the rawhide he found wasn’t his.

  29. Valley Girl says:

    Congrats Marcy on the Newsweek thing. Well deserved.

    I am not up to snuff compared to the commenters here, so Trash Talk is the only place I dare poke my head in (usually).

    But, EW is always my first read of the day.

  30. scribe says:

    FWIW, it seems like Lackey has the curve working today.

    Good TV lineup tonight on MeTV:
    Batman: King Tut’s Coup and Batman’s Waterloo, with Victor Buono as King Tut. 7 PM ET.
    Star Trek: Amok Time (Spock must get laid or die) 9 PM ET.
    The original Dracula, starring Bela Lugosi, 10 PM ET.

  31. scribe says:

    @scribe: Aw, hell, they made me look foolish by scrambling the order of episodes.

    It’s Vincent Price as Egghead in The Ogg and I and How to Hatch a Dinosaur a frickin’ Batgirl pair of episodes.

  32. Peterr says:

    Domer’s FG attempt goes wide left.

    Various RC bishops are not surprised. From their POV, everything at Notre Dame is wide left.

  33. Peterr says:

    @Bay State Librul: Or bring in Pope Francis as your kicker.

    Former Argentina and Spain great Alfredo Di Stefano thinks he may have played football [soccer] against newly elected Pope Francis when the two were children kicking balls around in the streets of Buenos Aires.

    Writing in his regular column in Spanish sports daily Marca, Di Stefano said he grew up in the same neighborhood as fellow Argentine Jorge Mario Bergoglio, and that his compatriot’s elevation to the papacy “has filled me with great joy.”

    While the 86-year-old Real Madrid legend is 10 years older than Francis, he recalled childhood scenes where most of the kids in the neighborhood used to play free-for-all football until past sunset. . .

  34. Bay State Librul says:

    will Farrell bring in Tazawa then Uehara.
    I’m leery of Tazawa, rather keep Breslow than Uehara

  35. Peterr says:

    With 13 min left in the second quarter, it’s the Fighting Journalists 14, Sweatervests 10.

    Watching this is a rather surreal event for me. Back in the day, the Journalists would have been 40 point underdogs, even at home.

    (And you kids, get offa my lawn!)

  36. emptywheel says:

    Yo, bmaz. Just turned on your game. I think your equipment guy vomited EVERYWHERE in the helmet cabinet.

  37. CTuttle says:

    Dang, Jim, some mighty sour grapes from David Price after Big Papi belted his second homer off of him…! Apparently, Papi didn’t run fast enough for his tastes…!

  38. CTuttle says:

    @bmaz: Aloha, bmaz…! My eyes have been on baseball all day…! Glad that my Bosox are traveling to Tampa tomorrow, so I can watch Peyton dismantle Dallas, in the House that Jones built…! ;-)

  39. bmaz says:

    @CTuttle: Aloha my friend. I am bored, thus me playing with the mopes over in Rosalind’s post at FDL. Also my team did not fare so well in Jerry’s House tonight.

    Hopefully better for the Broncos tomorrow

  40. rosalind says:

    @bmaz: (aw, thanks guys for wading in. i actually found the intense emotions kinda interesting)

    and go A’s!!!!!!!!!!

  41. bmaz says:

    @rosalind: I have to admit, I was trying to rile up the one guy. Which is not to say that I have any love for people holding their phones up in front of me at shows these days, and can’t fathom that anyone thinks it is okay to do that to people behind you.

  42. Bay State Librul says:


    Thanks, enjoyed that piece of info.

    The A’s versus Sox match up for the ALCS?

    “The A’s roster is peppered with ex-Red Sox — guys who played in Boston during the golden age of Tito and Theo. Coco Crisp, Boston’s center fielder until Jacoby Ellsbury came along, is Oakland’s oldest everyday player. The A’s home run leader is Brandon Moss, who was part of the defending champion Red Sox team that toured Japan in 2008. The A’s last year year were led by Josh Reddick, who was dealt to Oakland in December of 2011, one of Ben Cherington’s first major transactions. The A’s this year are led by Jed Lowrie, who was Ellsbury’s closest friend in the Sox clubhouse from 2008-11. Oakland’s ace is Bartolo Colon, who pitched seven games for the 2008 Sox before quitting and going home to the Dominican Republic.” Shaugnessy, Globe

  43. emptywheel says:

    Ut oh. Megatron out against the Packers.

    Which promises to be a VERY sloppy game, given the serial torrential downpours we’ve been having in the midwest.

  44. emptywheel says:

    Annnndddd two sacks of Tom Brady already.

    I forget. Is the hole Vince Wilfork left on the D line or the O line?

  45. phred says:

    The Pack isn’t hitting on all cylinders today, but boy oh boy have there been some spectacular catches!

  46. Bay State Librul says:


    Revenge of the law firm?

    I thought at first, but not happening with Green Ellis.
    Seems like Cinci had a good week on the films smoking out Brady.

    Big adjustments during half-time

  47. bmaz says:

    @phred: I wish I could watch The Cheese. But nooooooo, I can’t because the Cards are home. The only early game I have is this stinker between the Pats and Bungles.

    Bah humbug!

  48. phred says:

    @bmaz: I feel your pain bmaz, that is indeed a sad sad state of affairs.

    It’s a chilly rainy day here, a perfect day to curl up under the Packer stadium blanket and watch a game in Lambeau : ) Go Cheesers!

  49. Peterr says:

    @bmaz: I blame Bidwell. He just wants you to appreciate having the Cards as your team. “See, you could have one of these two.”

    And then he wants you to cough up large quantities of Benjamins for seats, parking, jerseys, and assorted overpriced knick-knacks.

  50. Peterr says:

    @bmaz: No kidding. The “if only”s in Evanston over the next few days are going to be brutal.

    But folks are already talking about a possible rematch in Indy for the B1G championship game at the end of the season. *That* would be something.

  51. bmaz says:

    We might not that Nick Foles has been QB for the Iggles in the second half after Vick got a hammy in the first, and has thrown for two TDs. Can Mike Vick be Wally Pipped?

  52. JTMinIA says:

    Here’s a new twist on my OT trash-talk:

    The national championship in rallycrossing just wrapped up. In the three AWD classes (stock, prepared, and modified), there were a total of 28 Subarus and 4 Mitsubishis.

    All three champions drove Evos.

    tee hee

  53. Peterr says:

    @bmaz: Someone has to win the Legends division, and at this point it looks to be either the Fighting Journalists or the Wolverinees.

  54. Mauimom says:


    Could someone familiar with betting on football [for some reason, bmaz, I think that might be YOU] explain to me all the hoo-ha over the last minute touchdown by OSU over the Fighting Journalists yesterday?

    Not being a bettor myself, I don’t understand the whole thing or the “uproar” this apparently caused in Vegas.

    FWIW: competing with the “Fighting Journalists” for stupid team names, the U of Hawaii are the “Rainbows,” or, as we call them, the “Fighting, Snarling Rainbows.”

  55. Mauimom says:

    ***Remember, I LOVE cute girl dogs,***

    McCaffrey, check with your mom and your lawyer for a picture of a VERY cute female chow whom I think you would like. She’s very spunky and lives on a coffee farm in Hawaii. If you decide to visit, you will have to do much preparation and paperwork because of the state’s strict quarantine laws. But you are always welcome.

  56. bmaz says:

    @Mauimom: That’s just what we call them here, they are really the Northwestern Wildcats.

    Dunno about the OSU game, but my guess it the last touchdown exceeded the point spread for the game.

  57. JohnT says:


    There was a LOT of money bet on the sweatervests by their fans on Friday and Saturday before the game. And the spread was something like a 7, which meant THE Ohio State had to win by more than a TD for the bettors to win. Didn’t watch the game but it was 34-30 Sweatervests with about 8 seconds to go, so the Fighting Journalists tried a Hook and Ladder, but they fumbled, and the sweatervests recovered the ball in the end zone for a TD, which changed the score to 40-30, and covered the spread. And not that I feel sorry for them, but, because of that TD, the sportsbooks lost something like 3 or 4 million dollars on that one game

    Anything besides a TD and the Fighting Journalist bettors win.

    Or if for some reason the SV’s get the fumble recovery and have enough time to kick a field goal, it’s a push and everybody gets their money back

  58. rosalind says:

    @Mauimom: on Mike & Mike on ESPN this morning they said, like bmaz & JohnT above, the fumble recovery allowed the bettors to beat the spread, and swing $100 million plus away from the bookies.

  59. tjallen says:

    Hamilton says Formula One is becoming so boring with Vettel’s dominance, that, as in the Schumacher days, you wake early for the start and then sleep through the race, because you know how it will turn out.

    Well maybe he and the others should give up their drives to better drivers? I mean, what does he expect to happen? He’s asking the FIA to slow Vettel down? Awwww, crybaby. I bet the German fans aren’t sleeping through the races!

    Ok I admit it is getting boring, and I hated the Schumacher days, too, but what is the answer? Drive faster and build better cars, not whine to the FIA. Big changes to the rules next year should give everyone a new chance anyway.

  60. tjallen says:

    Excellent article by engineer Gary Anderson explains Vettel’s dominance as an interaction between Vettel’s good driving and his engineers, who are able to work together to build a car that Vettel can use to drive away in the corners. Vettel is able to hit the accelerator sooner than other drivers because, one, he’s brave, but two, because he understood what was possible, asked the engineers to make it possible, and he uses it to win.

  61. bmaz says:

    @tjallen: Yes, I think this is about right. Also, because of the superior engineering, Vettel is mostly able to race clean and free of the scrum. Put it all together, and what you see is what you get. I am hoping the new specs for next year will tighten the pack back up.

  62. quebecois says:

    Well, you have to give it for those Marshalls at the Korean Grand Prix, slow and inneffectual allathetime… Hulkenberg was mightily impressive in a faster car, though. Franchitti had a bad crash, after Wheldon, they modified the cars to make sure these wheels touching would’nt cause flying cars, they failed badly…

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