Jeb! Manspreads His Way into the Foreign Policy Debate
Vote Jeb! 2016: Because every American man deserves a seat for each of his balls.
Perhaps I’m being petty, getting so bugged by Jeb’s utter lack of awareness not just by his body language, but the message that that most annoying male body language sends to those who’ve had to spend their life squishing into a half seat to make room for some man who believes his balls take precedence over the other human beings in his space.
(Also note, at around 49:00, precisely when Jeb! starts talking about his brother’s WMD lies but then claims the surge the most courageous political act ever, he crosses his legs.)
I mean, much of the speech was word salad. The last few minutes of his speech could have been delivered as convincingly by Sarah Palin — just a string of words about American leadership without any substance to what that really means.
Then there was the contradiction within his message. He’s branding his whole spiel “Liberty Diplomacy!” Yet the guy who claimed a “liberty” agenda objects to Obama’s effort to end what he called the “NSA metadata program,” either displaying ignorance that the Section 215 program that Obama wants to alter is just a small fraction of the metadata NSA collects, or even greater ignorance that Obama has done and will do nothing to end all the other means of collecting metadata, including on Americans. Not to mention real ignorance about the NSA’s own evidence about how useless the 215 phone dragnet has been.
Similarly, Jeb!’s Liberty Diplomacy! bemoans the disrespect he sees Obama extending to Egypt’s brutal dictator Fattah al-Sisi. “Now we’re pulling back from providing support to al Sisi.”
That’s was consistent with his theory that if we significantly increase funding for our national security budget, we’ll never have need to go to war. “Others should want America as a friend,” Jeb! said, presumably at the tip of vastly increased defense spending.
Jeb! clearly believes he projects strength in Latin American foreign policy. The brother of the man whose DOJ chose not to charge any of the big white GOP donors at Chiquita who knowingly funded right wing terrorists in Colombia hailed Uribe’s great success there. Which, presumably, reflects his larger conflation of capitalism and democracy, which permits him to ignore the way Bolivarist countries have improved their countries’ well-being. He positively drooled over Venezuela becoming a failed state with low gas prices (though many Democrats are too). Then again, the Bush family has a well-established fondness for terrorists in Venezuela, so he’ll probably be thrilled if more arise in such a failed state.
Well, about one thing Bush was right on the mark. He noted that neither ISIL nor Twitter existed when his brother invaded Iraq. That is, ISIL didn’t exist until his brother fucked up the joint.
All in all, though, I can only conclude that by Liberty Diplomacy he means he will open new space for American mens’ balls to colonize, around the world.
EW: Yet the guy who claimed a “liberty” agenda objects to Obama’s effort to end what he called the “NSA metadata program,” either displaying ignorance that the Section 215 program that Obama wants to alter is just a small fraction of the metadata NSA collects, or even greater ignorance that Obama has done and will do nothing to end all the other means of collecting metadata, including on Americans.
I think you’re overlooking the actual reason for Jeb’s “opposition” to toothless NSA oversight: It’s his opening statement about the Dems being soft on terrorism. Don’t worry, he’s got another 18 or so months to massage it into something marketable.
More succinctly, it’s certainly possible/probable that Jeb doesn’t know what he’s talking about. But it’s almost a certainty he doesn’t care. It’s just opposing Obama for the sake of opposing Obama, cuz that’s what he needs to do to get votes.
You’re overthinking this, EW.
John Hannah will be advising JEB? He’s not the ex-Patriot Hannah from ‘Bama
Maybe Dick Cheney will come on board.
That was a fun rant about balls. Thanks for that.
Say it’s a contest between Jeb & Hillary. Quick! Which one do you choose, Marcie? Between the two of them there is a goldmine of bile- & elation-engendering material ahead.
But why does Hillary look so semi-stupidified? A nasty bump on the head followed by a bout of hypoxia? What on earth happened there.
Re: “his brother’s WMD lies”
Although well aware that W was a stranger to the truth, I chanced across this story earlier today:
with links to other articles in the series:
and this summary:
“In his investigative article, Mr. Chivers discusses the gradual discovery of thousands of chemical weapons, including warheads and shells containing mustard gas and sarin, by American and Iraqi troops after the 2003 United States invasion of the country.”
“The reason the extent of the uncovered aging munitions was kept a secret, commentators point out, is embarrassment, as many of the weapons were manufactured with the help of the West and the United States.”
Occam’s Razor and all that.
Hmm, what other evil doers have WMD?
Quite a list. But being retired with all deliberate speed, 45 years on and counting:
Been thinking about changing my nym to “coupleacabs” or maybe cupolacabs.
“All in all, though, I can only conclude that by Liberty Diplomacy he means he will open new space for American mens’ balls to colonize, around the world.”
Dang emptywheel.. sub-zero weather really brings out the razor in you. :)
Hilarious take on US male balls, especially the apparently gargantuan balls of the rich & the sperm & egg lottery winners.
Clearly it doesn’t really matter what JEB says, whether he’s even marginally “intelligent” enough to understand anything at all. Just as long as he sets himself up in maniacal “opposition” to what the propaganda touts at the “real enemy,” aka the so-called “Democratic” party. What a joke.
For most conservatives, who are addicted to a steady diet of Fox, Rush, Glenn, etc, that’s all it takes: a whole lotta word salad meaning nothing other than that the purported “Democrats” are the evilest, vilest, most dastardly villains in the entire galaxy (and beyond). Certainly worse than the worst of those despicable so-called “ISIS” who allegedly behead and burn “innocents.”
Feh. Cage match featuring Clinton v Bush in Aisle 6.
As for me, I’m voting what’s disingenuously called “third” party. I will not vote for either corporate fascist puppet/tool, thankyewverymuch.