I Am Ted Williams’ Head
Okay, long story short, a couple of months ago my wife set me up with her dermatologist for a head to toe skin exam to insure against skin melanoma. A perfectly reasonable thing, though, to be honest, would not have otherwise been on my pretty much lunkheaded list of things to do.
Okay, so, today was that appointment. A rather attractive woman doctor searched me from head to toe (no, not “there” you perverts) and found, after five decades of life in the desert sun, that I had zero issues. But then she asked if I had any “concerns”, and a friend had, a couple of months ago, pointed out some splotches on by bald ass head.
So, I mentioned that and the pretty doctor explored my cranium and, among randomly assholey and curmudgeonly thoughts, found several “surface areas of concern” on my scalp. She promptly took out a Batman Mr. Freeze like can of torture and nuked my crown with some freaking liquid hell. Cool at first, but then quickly like a blowtorch cutting into your skull. Ow!
Oh well, once over, stung a little, but no big deal. Except I looked at me skull in teh mirror and it looks like a lunar landscape. Jeebus.
Futurama lives!
Sounds like the good doctor is good at speaking the language of her patient . . .
I did last year. I had an actual problem that required a massive removal from my scalp and another from my back. Fortunately I have hair on my head to cover a nickel-sized divot.
Ahem, as you damn well know, I do not!
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Ugh! Me thoughts are frozen!
Having spent far more time in the sun in my young days than is wise, I had numerous problems all over. So a year or so ago I went and had my guy squirt me with the freaking fire gun. So far none came back. I asked him what they were. He said boo boos from my mother. And maybe the sun.
Ha! My mother is dead, and I cannot buy a weapon that will yet reach the sun.
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What is a poor boy to do?
Just make sure you keep going every year and stay vigilant between visits. Your doctor really should have checked you out head to toe. My two bouts with basal cell were on my chest but I know someone who had something suspicious removed from their (ahem) perineum. A friend of a friend died because they didn’t have something checked out in the same area (the jokes would write themselves except for the tragic consequences). My dermatologists have never checked out that particular area on me but they look everywhere else.
I wish I had worn a cowboy hat in my ranch hand days. Instead I usually wore a baseball cap. Stupid. And a cowboy hat would have looked a lot more pro with spurs but that was what the western kids were doing back in the day.
Yep. I was a little late to the common sense table. All while snow skiing up the ting yang in winter and water skiing in the summer. And always had the receding hairline thing.
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Panoply of dumb. Double whammy of stupid, both in play.
My paterfamilias ran into melanomas on the forehead that required heavy duty chemo that left an open wound. Luckily, he’s been getting hyberbaric therapy and his skin’s now growing back, enough that the docs think he could get by without a graft.
My brother had melanoma on his head. (Ears, I think.) He usually wears a hat when he’s outside.
This is very good news for John McCain!
I’m happy for you, and that’s all well and good, but did she give any indication as to how those five decades might have affected what’s inside your head? After all, we’ve had hints over the years, from your musings, leading some to wonder, “Maybe he’s spent too much time in the sun”, as the saying goes.
Is Ted Williams dead because he had that big black and gold thing growing out of the top of his head and didn’t go to the dermatologist to see about it? Could be, you know; in those days, there weren’t so many pretty young female doctors. Another benefit (?) of the feminist movement – men live longer.
Take care bmaz. Keeping you in my thoughts.
Glad you were checked out and given a clean bill of health! Lost my brother and dad to melanoma, and have a couple of very easly ones removed myself, so I understand the seriousness.
Sympathizing with your noggin. Have more than a nodding acquaintence with liquid nitrogen myself. Just wait until you need a treatment on the tip of your nose, or worse yet, lower lip! I’m laughing now, but wasn’t then :)
Like the Irishman who wore 3 condoms (to be sure, to be sure, to be sure) I’ve been to the skin-man each of the last 3 years.
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First trip he blazed away about a dozen spots, second year he removed all the age-related uglies like skin tags and warts, and last year he just air-brushed out the few remaining signs that I wasn’t actually Adonis.
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Fortunately it’s fun for both of us as I cajole him about the obvious pleasure he gets in doing it and he laughs and gives me another squirt of the blow torch… and laughs.
What’s the point of going to an attractive lady doctor if she’s not going to search you from head to toe?
hey bmaz. get a new paint job on your chrome. forget those old, bland skin colors. go for, say, some green and irridescent silver.
I love the idea!!
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Seriously, if me dome is nothing more than a blank canvas, let’s paint it!
Congrats b. I just had surgery, the third time to be exact, to remove a quarter size pre-cancer lesion, requiring an open eclipsed wound about 3/4″x3″, which is still healing. Be glad yours was on your head. Mine was in a place that is no fun as sitting is literally a pain in the ass. For 8 weeks. Arrrrggggggrrrrrr…gak!