2017 NFL Draft Trash Talk

This was “supposed” to be a far better post than you are going to get. But I have had a couple of tough days in court, and this is what you are gonna get! Sorry!

Locally, the question is what will the Cardinals do? Carson Palmer will return for 2017 and, assuming healthy, he is really pretty good. Not inconceivable he plays in 2018 too, zoo a rook may get 1-2 years seasoning from a very good film study and preparation QB. Local chatter is Bruce Arians and Steve Kiem quietly are dying to take Patrick Mahomes from Texas A+M and groom him. Kid has Brett Favre, seriously, potential as to arm strength and play making capabilities. He also has Favre’s gunslinger recklessness. Frankly, I like him and think, if available, the Cards should take him with the 13th pick and hope Palmer can school him up, ala Aaron Rodgers with the original gunslinger, for two years before he takes control. I would also think Davis Webb, with a big frame and big arm, and who grew up as a coach’s son, would be pretty attractive.

Okay, as to other teams, I was FORCED into being a Patriots fan, not by the lady of the house Marcy, but by the jackass of the world (other than Trump and whatever gel headed midget is running North Korea currently), Roger Goodell and Deflategate. As the last Super Bowl proved, in stunning fashion, Bill Bel, Tom Brady and the Pats are still here. They arguably have already won the offseason by incredibly shrewd free agent dealings, but they don’t have a ton of high draft slots.

As to the rest of the teams – I think, despite the attempts at misdirection, Cleveland will take Myles Garrett at number one. Is that the right choice? Eh, I dunno, but it is probably a safer bet than Mitch Trubitsky, who has started a grand total of 13 games in a weak college football conference. Will the Brownies use a few of their famously accumulated draft picks to move up and take both Garrett and Trubitsky? Now that is a good question.

Where will the other QB’s go? Deshaun Watson, DeShone Kizer, Patrick Mahomes and my favorite sleeper…..Davis Webb of Cal? That will be fascinating to watch.

Where will Leonard Fournette and Dalvin Cook go? Dalvin Cook, as great as Fournette looks, may actually project better into the pros because of his pass catching and ability to make space on the fuel happen in an instant. Ezekial Emanuel to the Cowboys last year showed just how fundamentally a great dual purpose running back can still alter the game.

Besides Garrett, on defense, Reuben Foster, even if a bit of damaged goods, seems like the real deal for a linebacker. The kid out of Temple though, Hasson Reddick, is a HUGE sleeper. Watch out for this guy for a loooong time to come.

All right, gotta fly for now. Enjoy the draft, and chip in before, during and after. Listen, the NFL is all about money, so how about a song about the original Money Honey. We just passed, a couple of weeks ago, the 16 year anniversary of Joey Ramone’s death. Where the fuck did the time go? It, seriously, seems like yesterday. So, here are the Ramones with “Maria Bartiromo”. If this doesn’t light you up, you might be dead already. And, yeah, Maria thought it was awesome too. Keep on keeping on folks.

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31 replies
  1. emptywheel says:

    Woot. Football thread.

    Though as you note, not sure what a Pats fan has to root for other than 1) hoping Christian McCaffrey gets picked by the perfect team to misuse him so BillBel gets him at a discount in 2 years. Bonus points if it it’s Buffalo. and 2) that Jake Butt turns his great misfortune into the fortune of being picked up by the Pats.

    I’m actually looking forward to the Bob Quinn era at the Kitties, bc I think he may have more Patsness than other Pats diaspora, meaning we might just become better.

  2. bmaz says:

    Thought about chatting up teh Kittehs. They actually, for once, really do seem on the rise, and were far from horrible last year. Add in that The Vikes and Bears seem hopelessly moribund, and Ted Thompson always has the Cheese competitive, but never much more than that. Could be Detroit’s year!

    And yes as to both the Buffalo and Butts points!

  3. scribe says:

    Well, I have been debating on whether to tell you where I’m writing this from.  If you go back over many years of the blogosphere and thousands of posts, you might notice I’ve never mentioned exactly where my posts come from.   I suppose some dweeb could parse it out quickly enough but it’d be his word against my silence.  So I won’t say.

    What I will say is that King Roger the Clown has turned Philly into his personal zoo.  This weekend you have The Draft.  And then you track and field folks also have the Penn Relays. And, shockingly, the Phillies are on a winning streak.  6 including today’s 3-2 defeat of the future Jeter-Bush Marlins.  Oy.  NYDN had The Captain on the front page today, wearing a Marlins cap, over the headline “Meet the New Boss”.

    What is this world coming to?

    I’ve been on the road and the places I’ve stayed have managed to keep ESPN off their cable.  So I sorta missed all the pre-draft porn and the carnage of on-air personalities.  Frankly, moving Suzy Kolber up to lead the coverage at TWWL is a smart move on a bunch of levels.  She’s damn good, to begin with.  She also gets that demographic the No Fun League covets most – the females who haven’t been that into football in the past.  For once, they did something smart.

    Back to the Philadelphia Zoo.  King Roger wanted it, so the picks have to run down the Rocky steps at the Art Museum to be introduced.  “So let it be written, so let it be done.”  (Sounds better coming from Yul Brynner….)  I have to wonder just how KingRoger will make it up to the team whose first-round pick, not signed to anything, stumbles and blows out or breaks some football-essential body part while making spectacle for the masses.   This year, King Roger wanted it outdoors.  I’m waiting on rain.  I do so hope it rains on his parade.   And, since King Roger wanted – and got – the entire Ben Franklin Parkway closed to accommodate an event on the same scale as the last time the Pope came to town, people in the neighborhoods nearby have not been able to get to their homes (easily, if at all) and they even closed a school for a couple days.  Because King Roger, being a King, gets what he wants and damn the proles who think education will get them ahead, or even keep them abreast.  Football, for the fortunate few, is the way to wealth and influence.  The rest of you can buy the merchandise.

    I rant on King Roger because he’s there.  He’s the proverbial hanging curveball pinata, begging for it.  But I’d like to share with you something passed on by a friend of a friend (hereinafter “FOF”).  About King Roger.

    FOF writes:

    … from Maine … one morning FOF went into the market to get coffee, as usual.  FOF related standing there shooting the breeze with the owner when a customer comes in, buys some stuff, chats a while, pays and leaves.  The owner says to FOF “you know who that is?”
    FOF:  “No.”
    Owner:  “He’s the caretaker for [celebrity’s] place over in [coastal town].”
    FOF:  “Really.”
    Owner:  “Yeah.  She’s got that place a couple doors down from Goodell’s place.”
    FOF:  “You mean his clifftop, seaside lair?  [Every supervillain has one.]”
    Owner:  “Yeah.  It’s a gated community.”
    FOF:  “Uh-huh.”
    Owner:  “Yeah.  He says Goodell’s not real happy over there.”
    FOF:  “Why?”
    Owner:  “He says the neighbors are shunning Goodell and his wife.”
    FOF:  [laughing]  “you know about that deal where the radio station manager went off on Goodell and his wife in the checkout line at Hannafords…” 

      https://www.boston.com/sports/new-england-patriots/2015/08/25/man-recounts-chanting-free-tom-brady-at-roger-goodell-in-maine-grocery-store
    Owner:  “Yeah.”  [laughing]
    More laughter.
    Owner:  “Yeah.  The neighbors are all Patriots fans.”
     
    More laughter.

    Serves you right, Roger.

    Having experienced The Silence in junior high, wherein your erstwhile friends treat you as non-existent, I can attest to “it sucks, bigtime.”  Roger brought this on himself.

    Enough about that weaselly chickenshit.

    I have to disagree about Cheatin’ Bill and his Cheatin’ Cheaters not looking too good since they have few high-round picks.  I’ve expressed this to EW in the background, that they can pick up a lot more players at low-round money and not spend first-round money on guys who might go bust.  Case in point, CB Senquez Gholson, a 2nd round pick for my Stillers a couple drafts ago.  Because of injuries he has not played a down in live games.  A 2nd round pick and 2nd round money for nothing.  It’s a lot cheaper to have a 7th rounder blow up or fail than a 1st rounder.  Moreover, in this draft there are a couple of top talents carrying the baggage of “character issues”.  As one radio voice was saying this afternoon, these top talents will almost certainly not go undrafted but will drop to a lower round.  The speaker then explicitly stated these talents are the kind of players who can thrive in a structured environment like the one Cheatin’ Bill provides and will just as likely fail in a loosey-goosey just win baby kind of place.  So, look for Cheatin’ Bill to load up on low-round talent, character issues, and Hogans.

    There has been a lot of talk about that kid from Temple.  If I know about him, the League knew weeks ago.  But he is good.

    Other than that, by the time this gets posted the Browns will have fucked up another draft.  The only thing is, I have not heard who the homeless guy who lives out front of their offices is persuading them to pick this year.

    And Tim Tebow is no longer available.  He’s actually learning to play pretty good baseball albeit in the fluorescent chartreuse of some A-level minor league team called the “Fireflies”.  Johnny Manziel, OTOH, is still available.

    Happy trails.

     

    the distinct pleasure of filling you in from

    • bmaz says:

      I would not have guessed Panthers. For once, Chucky Gruden is right, McCaffrey is a lot like Darren Sproles in a way.

    • scribe says:

      I saw a couple mock drafts where McC the Younger was slotted to Carolina to give Cam another weapon.

      Good pick.

      • emptywheel says:

        yup. saw a bunch with that. still hoping they fuck it up and billbel gets him bc he’d be a great pre-retirement sendoff for billbel

  4. bmaz says:

    Things the Buffalo Bills PR team says:

     

    For our 2017 1st Round Pick, we received: 2017 KC 1st (27th) 2017 KC 3rd (91st) 2018 KC 1st Pleasure doing business with you, .

    • emptywheel says:

      Of all the players who’ve been fucked by BillBel’s cheapness I feel worse about him. As cheap as Brady comes for his better paid better half, Butler has been dirt cheap real labor for too long.

      Well, maybe Russell Wilson was a crazier example but Butler’s up there.

      • scribe says:

        Not for nothing is his draft called a meat market.  The other Sunday one of the movie channels ran “The Robe”.  If you don’t recall the movie, the opening scene is of some Roman patrician walking through an open-air slave market, between the same Ionic columns as at the Philly Art Museum, being offered all manner slaves with every pitch known to man.

        The only difference between that and the NFL draft is better lighting and the NFL’s merchandise does not wear only a towel.  We make up for today’s better clothing precluding direct inspection with tests of strength and speed, extensive pre-draft analysis of all sorts of silly numbers made up for the occasion, in-depth analysis of whether they were a knucklehead at 17 or just a 17 y/o adjusting from high school to what passes for college, and other means of predicting the future as reliable as interpreting the shape of chicken guts.

        I give Butler credit – he’s dealt with being treated like a plantation hand on the bubble with a lot more dignity and class that I think I would have.

  5. bmaz says:

    Cards would have grabbed Watson, but Houston moved up to get him. Think Cards go defense now, maybe Hasson Reddick.

  6. emptywheel says:

    Say. Am I remembering correctly that the Pats came back from 25 points down to win the Super Bowl?

    Man that’s awesome.

    • scribe says:

      Awesome is why Cheatin’ Bill and his Cheating Cheaters (and The Deflator) had a good night’s sleep last night and the night before.  They don’t pick until #8 in the 3rd round and have saved all that 1st AND 2nd round money.

       

  7. Ed Walker says:

    I simply cannot believe the Bears traded up to get Trubitsky, and at a huge price. I don’t know until this am at the gym, watching the ESPN folks go off on management for stupidity. And the Browns still haven’t drafted a QB. I was really hoping they’d take Watson, who is a real gamer. The fans here would love that guy.

    From Watson’s point of view, this is actually good news. The Texans are likely to be competitive and the Bears are terrible and no fun.

  8. scribe says:

    And the Bungles remain true to form, picking “Character issue” Joe Mixon, to go with Burfict, PacMan Jones and all the rest of the thugs in Cincy.

     

  9. lefty665 says:

    Went to a sports bar in town for first night of the draft. What a bizarre set in Philly. Place was loud, couldn’t hear the commentary (a feature), but when Goodell took the stage the boos cut through the bar noise very clearly. All the rest was icing on the cake.

    ‘Skins did well in the first two rounds, two defensive guys last names beginning with “A” from Alabama. DE and OLB. McCloughan is gone but looks like his draft.  ‘Skins D allowed an average of 378 yards last year. They’re drafting in the right place. It looks like a deep D draft year and some of the offensive action left good D players on the board by the time they picked.

  10. bloopie2 says:

    A bmaz tweet on the draft: “Thank goddess that the idiots in Cleveland took lackluster Domer QB Deshone Kizer instead of Arizona.”

    Why do you say such things? Surely you don’t consider this to be just a comment on Kizer; surely you see it as yet another an opportunity to, without fear of rebuttal or discourse, call someone an idiot and get away with it. It’s one thing to spout bullshit in a bar while watching a game; it’s another to put it out on Twitter for the whole world to see and to garner for yourself a reputation as a horrible human being. You’ve done so much good in your life as a criminal defense attorney; why besmirch that?

    • bmaz says:

      Because Cleveland, who I have some sympathy for, are still proven dopes at picking QB’s and I think Kizer is not particularly good.

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