Alabama Getaway: Roy Moore’s Little Toy Gun Trash

It is 2017 and here we are. Yep, the greatest country ever. The face of humanity. Elected leaders won’t even admit global warming, much less try to fix it. Hell, they don’t even want the gays to have wedding cakes. “Creative” book schemers like Elon Musk are considered brilliant. But, hey, that is where we are.

No reason to ignore the truth. Unless you are Alabama.

Thirty two teeth in a jawbone
Alabama cryin’ for none
Before I have to hit him
I hope Roy’s got the sense to run.

Reason those poor young girls love him
Promise them anything
Reason they believe him
He wears a big diamond ring (and a little toy gun).

It used to be our little weekend Trash Talk was an escape. From politics. From war. From torture. From the idiocy. There is no escape now.

Welp, at least we know that Alabama football is totally clean and good. And that good old Nick Saban purity will have a test today against Mississippi State in Davis Wade Stadium. Starkville can be tough. It is hard to see anybody slowing the Tide’s roll, but this may be the best shot. Michigan State at the the Horseshoe and the Buckeyes should be really interesting. Not the blockbuster it once could have been, but still a huge game. A sleeper may be Oklahoma State at Iowa State. The best game though is Notre Dame at Miami. The Hurricanes have not had a game like this in a long time. Two storied programs, only one can win, both in effective dumpster fire mode for a long time. I’ll take the Canes. The other huge game is TCU’s Horned Frogs at Oklahoma. I wish FreePatriot were here for this. In his honor, I’ll take Baker Mayfield and the Sooners.

Now for the Pros. Roger Goodell versus the hick Simpson’s like looking villain Jerry Jones. Who do you root for there? Is there some way they can off each other in mutually assured destruction? That would be optimal.

The Cards lost their season on their home turf (yes, it is real grass) here Thursday night. Strange game, with injuries everywhere. Ugly. From there, can the Jaguars hold off the Bolts at home? Seems like a throwaway game, but it is really an interesting one. I have no clue, it is a toss up. There is no reason the Pack at Soldier Field should matter, but it kind of does. Same for Saints at Bills in Buffalo. And ditto for Vikes at Washington.

Vikes are fairly quietly 6-2. Sam Bradford may be fragile, but he is a pretty decent QB if he is on the field. But he is not, Case Keenum is piloting the ship, and doing so very well. Teddy Bridgewater may be back, but this is Keenum’s team right now. Probably I am a dope, but I like the Skins for the home upset win.

This weekend is the Brazilian Grand Prix. Like the Italian, there is just too much history to ever take your eye off the Brazilian. Ham has the Drivers, and Mercedes has the Constructors. What started as a real battle has turned into a yawner. That is not good for fans, and it is not good for F1. For now though, it is what it is. But Ham crashed out in qualifying, and teammate Valteri Bottas is on pole at Interlagos. With Vettel right behind. The Circus may have been decided for the year, but a very fun race may be on tap.

Okay. That is Trash for yet another week. Dumpster dive in with gusto. There is great music this week from both Honey Honey Band and the Dead. Killer tracks, give them a try. Or else I will send the guy with the short fingers and his friend with the little toy gun after you.

Bmaz is a rather large saguaro cactus in the Southwestern Sonoran desert. A lover of the Constitution, law, family, sports, food and spirits. As you might imagine, a bit prickly occasionally. Bmaz has attended all three state universities in Arizona, with both undergraduate and graduate degrees from Arizona State University, and with significant post-graduate work (in physics and organic chemistry, go figure) at both the University of Colorado in Boulder and the University of Arizona. Married, with both a lovely child and a giant Sasquatch dog. Bmaz has been a participant on the internet since the early 2000’s, including active participation in the precursor to Emptywheel, The Next Hurrah. Formally joined the Emptywheel blog as an original contributing member at its founding in 2007. Bmaz grew up around politics, education, sports and, most significantly, cars; notably around Formula One racing and Concours de Elegance automobile restoration and showing. Currently lives in the Cactus Patch with his lovely wife and beast of a dog, and practices both criminal and civil trial law.

32 replies
  1. Jim White says:

    Ugh. The Gators are stinking it up in Columbia. It looks like Muschamp will get his revenge today. That is going to hurt. A lot.

    I got nothing else. Bama football is unstoppable but the state is a cesspool with zero moral compass. I refuse to watch the NFL while Kaepernick is unsigned.

    At least college basketball is starting. My Jayhawks looked good last night and the Gators look to be very good, too. Caught a fall scrimmage yesterday for Gator baseball, and they look ready to have another big year.

    Now back to watching the football and pouting. This could have been such a good team.

          • dakine01 says:

            Folks here in Kentucky are rather bemused that Pitino & Louisville are the ones under the microscope instead of Calipari and the ‘Cats. So far, nothing more than the usual speculation that something underhanded is happening but not even any smoke, much less a fire.

             

            Last week’s Sports Illustrated College BB issue had a good article by William F (Billy) Reed about the Lexington connection to the gambling/point shaving scandal of the late ’40s/early ’50s.  Kentucky did get the original “death penalty” for that one.

  2. Pete says:

    Heathen Hurricanes versus the God Squad. Taking the Heathens too.

    Can MSU come back. Uhh no. So it’s like to be OSU versus Wisconsin in the Big Ten championship…neither of which may make the CFP last four.

  3. scribe says:

    Amherst-Williams today, too.  As I write this, the Lord Jeffs (7-1) are trailing the Ephs (5-3) by 17-3 in the 3rd.  Amherst is looking to win its 7th straight game.

    Would that Miss EW would be here to further fill us in on the exploits of her alma mater….

    The Real rivalry games … next week.

  4. Willis Warren says:

    fuck you all.  I went to KU and UTexas.   They play today.  I wonder who is going to win…  by 50

    In good news, the basketball team won by thirty six last night, which will make up for some of the bleeding the football (alleged) team is going to make today

  5. Peterr says:

    For all that we dump on Roger Goodell (and with good reason), there’s another entry in the ledger for FIFA’s Sepp Blatter’s bid to be the worst executive in sports.

    The former Fifa president Sepp Blatter has been accused by Hope Solo, the USA women’s football team goalkeeper, of having sexually assaulted her at Fifa’s Ballon d’Or awards ceremony in January 2013.

    In an interview with the Portuguese newspaper Expresso, being published on Saturday, Solo, 36, claimed she “had Sepp Blatter grab my ass” at the glittering presentation of Fifa’s annual football awards for achievement during 2012. Solo presented the Fifa women’s world player of the year award on stage alongside Blatter, to her colleague on the USA team that had won the gold medal at the London Olympics, the striker Abby Wambach.

    Blatter, contacted via his spokesman, responded to Solo’s recollection by denying that the incident took place. “This allegation is ridiculous,” he said.

    On the official Fifa film of the event, which was hosted by the Dutch football legend Ruud Gullit and the broadcaster Kay Murray, Solo was shown coming on to the stage with Blatter from behind a curtain at the back of the stage, to present the award to Wambach. Talking to Expresso about sexual harassment in general, which Solo says is “rampant” in sport, she claimed Blatter grabbed her behind seconds before they both went on stage: “I had Sepp Blatter grab my ass,” she said. “It was at the Ballon d’Or, right before I went on stage. [Sexual harassment] has been normalised.”

    Expanding on the alleged incident on Friday, Solo told the Guardian that she had to compose herself immediately afterwards to concentrate on making her speech and giving the presentation to Wambach. “I was in shock and completely thrown off,” Solo said. “I had to quickly pull myself together to present my team-mate with the biggest award of her career and celebrate with her in that moment, so I completely shifted my focus to Abby.”

    Several internal links omitted here to keep it out of moderation, but available at the original source.

  6. pseudonymous in nc says:

    UGA got their luck-of-the-schedule week at number 1 and that’s it. Everybody knew it wouldn’t last, but I don’t think they expected to be shown up so obviously this week.

    Mostly fuck Bama, though. It’s the special combination of corruption plus self-righteousness plus bullshit appeals to “tradition” that grates the most.

  7. Bay State Librul says:

    Scribe,

    The Shank strikes Steel Town

    You should like this interrogatory quote from our talented Dan “Shank” Shaughnessy.

    “Despite all the stuff that has happened to the Patriots, they have the best record in the AFC (6-2 tied with Pittsburgh, but who ever worries about them?)”

    Who me, worry?

    • scribe says:

      Shaughnessy is an ass who needs to fill column inches.  He spews any drivel he can get past his editors, a low bar to surmount and why I pay less than no attention to him.  But, it makes good bulletin board material for a couple weeks hence.  Biebs, Cheatin’ Bill and his Cheating Cheaters have to come into the Ketchup Bottle this time.

  8. lefty665 says:

    bmaz, think you’re likely right picking the Vikes over the Skins. OTOH, the Skins pulled it out last week against the Squawks. If they show the same character this week they could win. D was the key last week, and it looks like they will have more coming back off the injured list than going on it for the first time in a month. There won’t be a lot of O hope until they get more of the O line back. Last week there was only one and this week may not be much healthier. They’re playing third stringers at left tackle and right guard in place of pro bowlers. The new hire and rookie are doing remarkably, but there’s still a big fall off, and that includes subs at left guard and center. Maybe they’ll do better with a full week’s practice, they’ll at least know each other’s names.

    Couple of good articles out there that Thursday night football should be abolished. Much of it to the effect that four days is not enough recovery time in the NFL. The history of injuries is startling, and the Squawks sure took an injury beating last Thursday.  Also, the two year contract was worth $1.6B to the NFL and a princely $225M trickled down to the players. WTF?

    • earlofhuntingdon says:

      Hidden advertising and propaganda — greater social compliance — increased recruitment — more money.  And probably increased concession sales to boot.

  9. scribe says:

    Well, we’re back from bye week.  It remains to be seen whether Martavis Bryant will dress, have the ball thrown his way and, if he is so fortunate, catch the damn ball.  I applaud Coach Tomlin for his use of the tools of discipline on a prima donna who needed to be taken down a notch.

    I’m a little off my trash-talking game this week.  First, I uncovered the real reason Microsoft has their people doing tech support for ‘murca, in India.  They want to keep their people physically as far away from the customers as possible, lest the customers take out their frustration on the tech support folks.  Who are, after all, merely reading from scripts.  Scripts designed to frustrate customers into buying a new computer rather than try to get the damn program you just bought to load into the computer you already have.  I’m willing to bet that Microsoft has the people doing tech support for India here in the US, for the same reason and with similarly bad command of whatever Indian language they’re supposed to be using.

    And then I wrenched my lower back yesterday doing some yard work.

    In other words:  I am not happy.  Nor am I feeling the creativity that underlies good trash talk.  Back pain will do that to you.  I just want to see Pittsburgh’s D do to the Colts like happened on the hockey game last night.  There was a little back and forth between two opposing players, gloves dropped and the next thing you know the one guy had tossed the other guy on his back – body-slammed him to the ice – and was pummeling his face.  In hockey, the refs let it go until the players hit the ice (or quit from exhaustion).  While the fans last night didn’t get much in the way of rock ’em-sock ’em, they did get a quick, brutal example of pure force ending the monkeyshines which led to the dispute in the first place.

    Or, as I was taught when learning to hunt:  your quarry deserves a quick, clean kill, so learn to shoot well.  I expect the Pittsburgh D to hew to that principle when it comes to Indy.

    Jacoby Brissett has had the benefit of getting real playing time since being traded from the Cheating Cheaters to the Colts.  He has also been running for his life on every snap.  I look forward to seeing more of that today.

    Can you tell I’m in a foul mood?  I just got off the phone with the 5th Microsoft service rep.

  10. scribe says:

    Smith-Schuster catches the first ball thrown him.  Bryant never sees the first one thrown him which leads to an INT.

    Guess who gets a second and third pass thrown his way?

    • scribe says:

      That first half was so revolting, I think I’m going to go to a flea market or clean dead leaves out from under the windshield wipers on my car.

      • scribe says:

        Winning ugly is still winning.  I think my departure at halftime may have helped.  And I did get most of the leaves out from under the wipers.  Some are way down in there.

        Go Falcons.

  11. jo6pac says:

    9ers vs giants some one will win but then a win is lost when it comes to the draft.
    F-1 caught the last 15 laps it was good to Massa finish the race. That the first time I’ve watched this race and the stands weren’t full. Sad.

    roy moore just another good xristen practicing family values. I read were his former co-workers knew about it way back when he would troll HS games. He did say they were all over 16 and he asked the mothers permission. Strange place ala. but then big dog came from there.

  12. orionATL says:

    jimmy and howie are chatting seriouly at the half – and behind them a flag bigger than two king-size beds whips in the breeze.

    beyond that what do i spy? could it be a couple of warships?

    • scribe says:

      Yeah.  2 Arleigh Burke-class DDG.  They’re at Naval Station Norfolk, part of the Veterans’ Day weekend celebration.

      I’m old enough to remember when it was still called Armistice Day by many, and we grade-schoolers stood in class at 11 am for a minute of silence.  The young lady reading the news on my local TV yesterday morning couldn’t even pronounce “Armistice” correctly, calling it “armist-ice” (like frozen water).

      An important holiday, but not one where happy celebrations are in order, nor a justification for car dealers and big-box stores to have special sales.

      • orionATL says:

        scribe –

        thanks for that info. yes veterans day, yesterday, is important to respect.

        as for that backdrop, honestly, i couldn’t believe what i was seeing. we used to have a naval station here in atlanta, but oceans? none i’ve run into. i saw the guys were cold, but no way alanta?

        i thought i was being mildly sarastic about some part of the mercedes dome looking like ships; shows what i knew. the moral is i suppose don’t listen to sports with the sound off, but i do – unless, unless there’s a great play. then full volume to enjoy the excitement. if i’m even a bit slow, my wife grabs the clicker and cuts loose.

        now that i’ve got your attention i just want to add, sorry you’re down in the back and low on writing spirits.

        just know that hands down, you write the best comments written at trash talk – informative, funny, sarcastic, reflective, wise just great writing. i could easily pick a dozen a year as superb.

        here is a recent trash talk at which you wrote one of those classics:

        https://www.emptywheel.net/2017/10/28/indictment-weekend-trash-talk/

        @4:30pm.

        i’m going to republish the whole thing below. i read it thru at least three times for the pure pleasure of the writing:

        scribe says:

        “… October 28, 2017 at 4:30 pm

        Giving short shrift to Pennsylvania football is never a good idea.  This year, three of the class of their respective leagues all hail from the Keystone State.  The Iggles are awesome, making their choice of Wentz from No-Name NoDak look better by the second.  Not that it’s hard, but they’re also making the Browns’ draft team, who passed on Wentz in favor of trading that pick (2016 #2 overall) to the Iggles, look even worse.  That was just a year or two after listening to the homeless guy who lives outside Browns HQ and spending a high draft pick on Young Mr. Football, now a civilian.

        My Stillers are superb.  They have had more than a couple rough spots to smooth out, but they are getting the winning done.  Recall, the Chefs looked unbeatable, and were unbeaten. before the Killer B’s – Big Ben, Le’Veon Bell and Antonio Brown – came to town and showed Andy Reid he should spend less time at the barbeque joint and more on coaching.  Last week, only seconds into the game, Vontase Burfict showed the world his favorie cereal is Kix.  He should have been tossed for that, but lame-ass refs let the character sewer residing under the Bungles banner roll on toward the sea.   As it was, my current fave Pittsburgh Dad said it well:  “Marvin Lewis is from Pittsburgh, yinz know.  Back in the 90s, we made a deal with uh-hi-uh:  we’ll give you Marvin Lewis and we’ll take the Division.”

        So let it be written, so let it be done.

        This week the Black and Gold will be going under the dome with EW’s Kittehs.  Tough to call.  A lot will depend on how much of the Stiller D shows up.  They have the look of a team jelling into a Champion, and their D is no small part of it.  As Pgh Dad said while watching last week’s game:  “we sacked Andy Dalton so hard we broke Carson Palmer’s arm”.  I think Matty Stafford will have similar nightmares, including the recently-unleashed James Silverback Harrison coming from his left.

        On O, more rough spots being sanded away.  This week, Coach Tomlin had enough of Martavis’ Bryant blaming his girlfriend for the “he wants to be traded” social media posts and took a page from Cheatin’ Bill’s book.  He demoted Bryant, one of the better deep threats in the league, to the scout team.  And inactivated him for the game this week.  I dunno whether the Jamie Collins/Chandler Jones examples didn’t make it through Bryant’s hazy mind, but if he wants to get the ball thrown to him, he needs  to do two things:  (a) catch the damned ball when it is thrown to him and (b) STFU.  The Stillers are not going to cut him, nor trade him, nor waive him.  They do not want to repeat the Blount saga, where Cheatin’ Bill picked him up and he went from clubhouse cancer to league leader in rushing TDs and Super Bowl champion.

        Which brings me to the other team:  Penn State.  Please greet The Return of Linebacker U.   As I sit here writing this, there’s about 2 minutes left in the 1st quarter and PSU leads OSU 14-3.  I missed the first TD, which came in the first minute of the game (I’d been working in my garden), but the second came off good linebacker play causing and recovering an OSU fumble, followed by the effective PSU offense banging it in.  As the TV guys said, Penn State’s defense came out with all guns blazing.  And boy were they effective.  OSU just came up short on a 4th down, thanks to some great open-field tackling, to end the 1st.

        Which leads me to point out something:  Penn State is gang-tackling.  Effectively.  Something every great defense does.   And, as EW will tell you, defense wins championships.

        Speaking of which, the Patsies have lost Dont’a Hightower for the season to a torn pectoral muscle.  He was one of the last guys on that D whose name you might know.  This year is turning into a very bad one for the Pats.  Biebs is minus his favorite receiver.  Hogan, Gronk, Amendola & Co. are not going to make it all better.  And their D’s impression of a sieve is even better than last year’s.  Sorry, EW.  TB12 will be sitting home with Giselle come the first weekend in February.

        Watching the PSU-OSU game, another TD, this one on a 36 yard run. I know that somewhere, Joe Paterno is smiling… ”

        again, thanks for the great commentary.

  13. Bay State Librul says:

    Indeeeddee, Scribe can spin a yarn with grace and flair.

    The old Steeler hasn’t reached Bmaz’s trashing heights as of yet.

    His overblown predictions require a dose of refinement and love (see next to last paragraph on Tommy).

    TB12 is working and Billy Boy has forsaken his cheatin’ eyes

    “Belichick is 65. If he coaches seven more years and wins 12 games per season — with 47-year-old Tom Brady as his quarterback in 2024 — he can establish himself as the winningest coach in NFL history, while bumping Shula from the gold medal platform.”  Globe

    Will Scribe reach Mount Rushmore? Will Bill surpass Shula?

     

     

     

    • Pete says:

      Don’t overlook the potential disaster that is tonight’s MNF! I won’t say for who and to tell you the truth it may be hard to predict. Kiko v Cam in a head-to-head confrontation.

  14. greengiant says:

    Dmitry Rybolovlev who bought Trump’s Florida home for over 90 million disposes of a Da Vinci for over 450 million,  buyer unknown.  https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/11/15/unimaginable-discovery-long-lost-da-vinci-painting-to-fetch-at-least-100-million-at-auction/

     

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