It’s Sharktopus time! Yes, we are taking the Emptywheel blog to new and fantastic heights tonight, all with you, our dear readers, commenters and friends in mind! Watch the world premier of a sure fir Oscar winner, Sharktopus, with us. All you have to do is tune your TeeVee to SyFy Channel at 9:00 pm Eastern, 8:00 pm Central and join us in comments as you watch and imbibe. For those on the west coast, we will be repeating the festivities when you can play at 9:00 pm Pacific, Arizona and FDL time.
The festivities will be led by Eli from FDL, Marcy Wheeler and some special guests, including the very disturbing, yet intriguing, “Mystery Dub”. Since the west coast will not get to see Sharktopus until 9 pm PST/FDL time, the whole event will be repeated with bmaz and, hopefully, some other special guests, celebrities and you!
With no further adieu:
Sharktopus is a killing machine, half shark and half octopus. From the Sharktopus entry in Uncyclopedia:
The sharktopus is tough, but fair. Actually, it’s not fair at all, it’s absolutely merciless and it will just fuck you up! It is also sophisticated, a gourmand and a member of MENSA Elite!!!It is a creature so evil that it was cast from the pits of hell and sent to kill all those who enter the sea. Combining the many rows of serrated teeth found in sharks and the awesome suction cup power of the octopus.
When you venture too close to the ocean, or make the critical error of stumbling into the ocean, you are fucked! The sharktopus will latch on with its tentacles, violate you and then start eating you feet first. It’s believed that it wants you to feel pain, hence the feet first. Man it’s painful, just ask Satan. After it eats you, it then goes after your family.
The sharktopus has three amazing abilities to make its killing arsenal very deadly. Ability the first: it can smell bloodlines. This ability has lead to the extermination of copious amounts of families. And has torn others apart based on bastard children. Nobody is safe. Ability the second: it can go on land when the bloodline vendetta has been announced. Once it has a target it can hunt you down no matter where you are, unless you live in the cloud city of Bespin. Ability the third: it is high skilled in a variety of…skills. Such as its proficiency in Southern Mantis style kung-fu, being adept at handling a variety of firearms, satisfaction of women, (much more after jump) Read more