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Ahead of No Kings Day, the King’s Nobles are Getting Nervous

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National (Life)Guard Basic Training

From Mike Kehoe, the Governor of Missouri, as he gets in the Executive Order business today:

WHEREAS, our citizens have the right to peacefully assemble and protest, and the State of Missouri is committed to protecting the lawful exercise of the citizens’ constitutional rights; and

WHEREAS, the events that are occurring or could occur in the cities of Kansas City, Springfield, St. Louis, and other affected communities, in the State of Missouri, have created or may create conditions of distress and hazards to the safety, welfare, and property of the citizens and visitors of the communities beyond the capacities of local jurisdictions and other established agencies; and

WHEREAS, the rule of law must be maintained in the cities of Kansas City, Springfield, St. Louis, and other affected communities, in the State of Missouri, for the protection, safety, welfare, and property of the citizens, visitors, and businesses of those communities; and

WHEREAS, additional resources of the State of Missouri are or may be needed to help relieve the conditions of distress and hazard to the safety and welfare of the citizens of the cities of Kansas City, Springfield, St. Louis, and other affected communities; and

WHEREAS, the conditions necessary to declare the existence of an emergency pursuant to Chapter 44, RSMo, are found to exist due to the potential of civil unrest; and

WHEREAS, an invocation of the provisions of sections 44.010 through 44.130, RSMo, is necessary to ensure the safety and welfare of the citizens of the State of Missouri; and

WHEREAS, in consultation with community leaders, public safety officials, and emergency preparedness officials, I have determined that the following actions are necessary and appropriate to provide for the safety and welfare of Missouri’s citizens, visitors, private property, and businesses.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, MIKE KEHOE, GOVERNOR OF THE STATE OF MISSOURI, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the Laws of the State of Missouri, including Sections 44.010 through 44.130, RSMo, do hereby declare that a State of Emergency exists in the State of Missouri due to civil unrest.

I further order, pursuant to Sections 41.480 and 41.690, RSMo, the Adjutant General of the State of Missouri, or his designee, to forthwith call and order into active service such portions of the organized militia as he deems necessary to aid the executive officials of Missouri, to protect life and property, and it is further ordered and directed that the Adjutant General or his designee, and through him, the commanding officer of any unit or other organization of such organized militia so called into active service take such action and employ such equipment as may be necessary in support of civilian authorities, and provide such assistance as may be authorized and directed by the Governor of this State.

This order shall terminate on June 30, 2025, unless extended in whole or in part.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand and caused to be affixed the Great Seal of the State of Missouri, in the City of Jefferson, on this 12th day of June, 2025.

I can’t help but note some interesting language in this proclamation – phrases like “or could occur” and “or may create” in the second “whereas,” the phrase “or may be needed” in the fourth “whereas,” and especially “the potential of” in the fifth “whereas.”

Somehow, Kehoe manages to take all this subjunctive language about possible future situations as justification for his big THEREFORE: “I, Mike Kehoe . . . do hereby declare that a State of Emergency exists in the State of Missouri due to civil unrest.” I think he left “the possibility of” out of that last sentence, as that sentence probably ought to end with “the possibility of civil unrest.”

There have been plenty of protests across the state of Missouri over the last few months, in large blue cities and smaller red towns, and no reports of violence against people or property. None. Nada. Zip. The protests have targeted Musk and the DOGE cuts, RFK Jr’s dismantling of the nation’s public health infrastructure, the ICE crackdowns, and more, with the number of protests growing and spreading. This weekend, the planned No Kings protests have been gaining more and more attention, with more and more people getting more and more upset about what it being done in their names.

So the King’s Nobles are apparently pushing back.

First it was Texas and Greg Abbott, and now Mike Kehoe here in Missouri is trying to catch up. Some of this is surely a desire to show the King that they are following his example. The Nobles are also jostling with one another, as each seeks to shove him- or herself ahead of the others. That’s what the King’s Nobles do: they presume, they posture, they pretend, they position, and they pose, all so they can be seen by the King and gain the King’s approval.

The protest in Missouri I am wondering about this weekend is down in Springfield MO, in the southwest corner of the state. Broadly speaking, that’s a very conservative region (home to the Ashcroft clan and the Assemblies of God), though the city of Springfield itself has been represented in the state legislature by a Democrat. I was not surprised to see Kehoe mention St. Louis and Kansas City as hotbeds of (possible) discontent, violence, and mayhem. But Springfield? How did Springfield end up in this executive order?

Then I saw the Springfield television station KY3’s story about this weekend’s planned protests and it all became clear. “Ozarks Pridefest and Springfield’s No Kings protest will happen on Saturday in downtown Springfield” said the headline. It’s one thing for a bunch of lefty political agitators to march around with their signs, shouting their slogans, but quite another if you add the gays and their creativity to the mix. “Gov. Kehoe, let us show you how to pose . . .”

I can see it now . . .

Coming down the street as a unit are dozens of buff men in nothing but flip flops and red speedos, preceded by a banner that reads “Call out the National (Life)Guard!” They are marching in formation with pool noodles held out in front of them, mirroring the scenes in LA with lines of baton-wielding ICE and LAPD folks in their masks and top to bottom black uniforms. The unit’s leader carries a ring buoy, and he holds it high as his voice calls out like a grizzled drill sergeant: “Lifeguaaaaards . . . HALT!” and the formation stops in unison. “Shoulderrrrr . . . NOODLES!” he calls, and they put their pool noodles on their shoulders like rifles. The leader’s voice rings out again, “Sing out, Lifeguards! . . . I like my state like I like my scotch!” says the leader, and the the crew calls back “NEAT! (pause) NO ICE!”

Again the leader repeats the call, and now the crowds of people on the sidewalks start to join in on that “NEAT! (pause) NO ICE!” refrain. Again and again the leader calls, and again and again the crowd replies, getting louder and louder each time.

Then the leader stops. “Lifeguaaaards, Face OUT!” he shouts, and the formation splits in two down the middle, with each half turning to face the sidewalk on either side of the street. “To the currrrbbbb, MARCH!” and they step off in unison, stopping at the edge of the street. “Abouuuut FACE!” and they turn 180 degrees to face each other again.

He blows his whistle with three sharp tweets, waves his bouy back down the street, and every eye turns to see what’s coming. Two elegant queens are carrying a sign identifying the group following the (Life)Guards: “Call out the National Bard!” A second banner follows, announcing “National Bard Unit One: The E Street Chorus”, with leather-and-denim clad men, singing in full voice. They pass through the (Life) Guard lining the curb, and then chorus splits in half, and moves to the curbs as well.

Next comes a banner with “National Bard Unit Two: The Chicks” with a crew of lesbians singing something about Earl, and they too move to the curb to add themselves to the parade units lining the street.

National Bard Unit Three comes after them, the Guthries, singing about the Group W Bench, a restaurant, Thanksgiving, and the draft, and they get in line on each side of the streets next to The Chicks unit.

Finally, bringing up the rear, is National Bard Unit Four. There is no unit name on the banner, but everyone knows who this crew of singers are in their bright red and sumptuously bedazzled gowns, playing their banjos and fiddles. As they begin to sing, it is obvious that the (Life) Guard, the E Street Chorus, the Chicks, and the Guthries are their honor guard, and as the banjo-strumming, fiddle-playing, gown-wearing singers pass, the honor guard joins in the song of the Swifties unit:

‘Cause all you are is mean
And a liar, and pathetic
And alone in life, and mean
And mean, and mean, and mean

All you’re *ever* gonna be is mean.

OK, maybe this is just a Boomer’s imagination of what Springfield will look like on Saturday, but still.

Donald Trump is afraid, and so is Mike Kehoe. That’s why they called out the National Guard.

What Trump fears isn’t loud voices spouting off against black-clad police. What Trump fears isn’t media pundits soberly pontificating about Rule of Law and whether The King can send the Marines to LA. What Trump fears is not sternly worded letters from Democrats as Susan Collins clutches her pearls.

What The King and all The King’s Nobles and all The King’s Men fear is mockery.

I can’t help but hope that the combination of Ozarks Pride and the No Kings protesters gives them exactly that, with Harvey Milk and John Lewis smiling down from heaven and watching folks making all kinds of Good Trouble.

‘Cause that would be fabulous!

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James Taylor, King Herod, and January 6th

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James Taylor in Concert (h/t photographer Elizabeth Warren. Yes, that Elizabeth Warren. [CC BY 2.0])

Back in 1988, musical storyteller James Taylor put out an album entitled “Home By Another Way.” “Never Die Young.” The song “Home By Another Way” from that album is one of my favorites, and is built around the story of the Magi, celebrated on the liturgical calendar of the Christian Church on January 6th as the Festival of the Epiphany. As JT properly observes, the story told by Matthew’s gospel is less about the Magi meeting Jesus and more about another meeting they had. Here’s how Matthew put it:

In the time of King Herod, after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea, wise men from the East came to Jerusalem, asking, “Where is the child who has been born king of the Jews? For we observed his star at its rising, and have come to pay him homage.” When King Herod heard this, he was frightened, and all Jerusalem with him; and calling together all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he inquired of them where the Messiah was to be born. They told him, “In Bethlehem of Judea; for so it has been written by the prophet: ‘And you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for from you shall come a ruler who is to shepherd my people Israel.’” Then Herod secretly called for the wise men and learned from them the exact time when the star had appeared. Then he sent them to Bethlehem, saying, “Go and search diligently for the child; and when you have found him, bring me word so that I may also go and pay him homage.”

There is no way that Herod’s words to the Magi were anything but a ruse, and anyone hearing this story back in the day knew it. Herod the Great was a feared figure, having risen to power through his father’s political connections with Julius Caesar. In the time-honored tradition of despots everywhere, he was ruthless to those below him that he viewed as potential threats to his wealth and power (i.e., all the locals), and relentlessly sucked up to those above him (i.e., Rome). This combination led the Senate of Rome to appoint him “King of the Jews” and he held fast to that title for almost four decades by employing domestic spies to sniff our plots against him, a massive bodyguard to protect him, and whatever bloodthirsty tactics he deemed necessary to keep him in power.

Herod the Great was succeeded not by his eldest son, but by his most ruthless son, known as Herod Antipas. Antipas clearly followed in his father’s footsteps, in that he had his two older brothers convicted of treason and executed, thanks to a kangaroo court over which he presided. Antipas went his father one better by ditching his first wife for a second one – his own niece, Herodias. The Herodians were also very big on self-promotion via large, splashy building projects using someone else’s money. There’s much more like this to the Herodian family history, as they all were a real piece of work.

James Taylor understands Herod very well, and offers a warning to the Magi and all who will listen:

Steer clear of royal welcomes
Avoid a big to-do
A king who would slaughter the innocents
Will not cut a deal for you
He really, really wants those presents
He’ll comb your camel’s fur
Until his boys announce
They’ve found trace amounts
Of your frankincense, gold and myrrh.

Not a nice guy, this Herod fellow.

As Matthew tells the story, the Magi understood this as well, and decided not to go back to Herod after visiting Jesus:

When they had heard the king, they set out; and there, ahead of them, went the star that they had seen at its rising, until it stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw that the star had stopped, they were overwhelmed with joy. On entering the house, they saw the child with Mary his mother; and they knelt down and paid him homage. Then, opening their treasure chests, they offered him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. And having been warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they left for their own country by another road.

In JT’s telling, the Magi “went home by another way.” But Taylor isn’t singing just to retell the story of what happened back then. He’s preaching, in his own way, drawing his listeners into the song and changing us here today:

Well it pleasures me to be here
And to sing this song tonight
They tell me that life is a miracle
And I figure that they’re right
But Herod’s always out there
He’s got our cards on file
It’s a lead pipe cinch
If we give an inch
That Herod likes to take a mile

It’s best to go home by another way
Home by another way
We got this far to a lucky star
But tomorrow is another day
We can make it another way
“Safe home!” as they used to say
Keep a weather eye to the chart up high
And go home another way

Yes, Herod *is* always out there, looking to game the system and rape the system and break the system if that’s what it takes to keep himself in power.

But there is also always another way, a way that leaves Herod and his successors powerless and impotent.

The way of Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela, of Hugh Masekela, Miriam Makeba, and Ladysmith Black Mambazo.
The way of Ella Baker and John Lewis, of Robert Graetz and Jeannie Graetz.
The way of Ida B. Wells and Upton Sinclair, of Harvey Milk, Del Martin, and Phyllis Lyon
The way of the Flirtations and Sweet Honey in the Rock, of the Weavers and John McCutcheon.

Tomorrow is January 6th, and I’ll read this story from Matthew again in my study first thing in the morning. Then I’ll pull up this song and listen to the wisdom of James Taylor, urging *us* to go home by another way — a way of justice and peace, a way of hope and love.

Brother James, if you’d take the lead, it’s time to sing . . . and you all are invited to sing along.

Updated to correct the album title. Thanks, @RyanCaseyWA, for pointing it out.

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