Laborious Trash Talk

It is Labor Day weekend. Shockingly, my dictation program, Nuance Dictate for Mac, has gone beyond its normal complete worthlessness and now exists in the temporal-intellectual worthlessness of time and space. Seriously, for an application that claims to be useful for efficiency for the normal human, they are total crap. I have fought with them for nearly four years, and I am tired. You want to talk to me Nuance, here I am. Otherwise, go blow a goat.

Okay, now that I have gotten a little preliminary issue setting out of the way, let us get down to Trash Talk mofo’s and……

Oooops! Major power outage at Casa de bmaz! Seriously, I have dick for connection, only 3G on my old iPhone (yes, I have been holding out for iPhone5, even my wife is about to kill me).

I am sorry, I Musta Got Lost. And my gmail tells me Marcy is on the warpath. Rightly so, despite monsoon season here. Oddly, the sky looks mostly clear, I have no reason why my AC, much less my DC, has been taken away from me. You laugh, but when it is 106, you need the juice for the air conditioner. Bad. Somewhere below is a picture of the only light there was for a while, the moon. Vaya con dios Neil Armstrong, I thought well of you in the face of the moon tonight. If there was a measure of the childhood of my generation, it was the Moon Shot.

More Trash content will be on the horizon, like the storm front closing in, but not yet here. In the meantime, I am going to buy you all off with the evidence of my entertainment while I had no electricity. When you suddenly have no cable, no internet, no McIntosh, Adcom and B&W stereo; you have to make do. My daughter Jenna is providing the entertainment while all things I know are down.

UPDATE: Okay, I am back for a little bit. Man, lot of no power tonight and during, and after, then there was the tequila issue. What is a poor boy to do? Sing for a rock n’ roll band?

Okay, South Carolina and Michigan State, both closer than expected but not so by me, both won to start the college football season. Nobody should take anything away from Vanderbilt nor Boise State though. Especially Boise. Sparty is good, and at home to open the season? The BCS should never, ever, dock Boise State because they do not try to play a difficult enough schedule. Previously they opened against the Oregon Ducks in Corvallis. Tell me again why they cannot play for a national championship?

But now, the most interesting game of the first weekend is on tap. Yep, the Wolvereenies versus Crimson Tide at JerryJonesBowl. I’ll take Denard Robinson, seen below in a stirring segment, in an upset over the NickSabanDroids. Granted, I am completely sloshed and sitting on my front patio in a cactus patch, but that is my Karl Rove’s Fathers’ Solid Gold Cock Ring Lead Pipe Lock prediction. [All legal disclaimers imaginable applicable]. But wait! There is more! If you call right now we will double the offer! [Okay, not really].

The NFL has played the 4th and final preseason game, the one season ticket holders pay for, but that nobody understands, already. The Jets, Jets, Jets finally scored a touchdown. Yes that is one. But “yay”. There are interesting things going on in baseball, but the best is the return of the Rocket. Even if it is for the Skeeters. These are the young Pujols’s of the next generation and, through four innings, they can’t hit Rocket. Think the jurors from the trial and Reggie Walton are not watching the Rocket? Oh yeah, you bet your butt they are. Clemens will likely throw one more independent league game, likely against the Long Island Ueckers (not really; that was a little high and outside). And then a start for the Astros. Maybe two. Just cause.

But, far more globally important than football, baseball or that nimrod NASCAR, the Circus is coming back to town. Yep, Formula One. And where the spinning wheel stops is… Spa! Yes, the circuit that looks like a woman’s reproductive system. Or a Phaser. Whatever. Unlike those candy asses in left turn NASCARland, they run in the wet in F1.

Yes they do and it is wet at Francorchamps. Qualifying will go off not too long after I post this, and the race coverage o Speed TV begins at 7:30am EST and 4:30am PST on Sunday morning. Despite the safetied up new course at Spa, with a bit of wet, it is still a fast, dangerous and interesting layout. Ought to be fun.

There are certain people that have covered F1 forever. One of the best photographers, Paul Henri-Cahier, has been, and is, a friend to this blog. Paul is the, without question, premier F1 photographer in the world and he is second to his father, the legendary Bernard Cahier.Grand Prix does not get the attention it should here in the States. But one who does cover it up close and personal on track is Brad Spurgeon. Here is Brad’s setup for this weekend:

Formula One began the second part of its season after the long, five week summer break in August, with the practice sessions on Friday at the Spa-Francorchamps circuit in Belgium.

But thanks to the typical Spa weather, and unfortunately for the thousands of spectators who showed up to take a €400 shower, it was as if the holidays had never ended.

The cars may have managed to turn a few laps in the rain in the morning session — although only one car went out during the entire first half of the 1 hour and 30 minute session — but there was no track action at all in the afternoon session until 35 minutes of the same length session remained. And even then, six of the 22 drivers did not take to the track, and of those who did, none drove more than four laps.

Yep. Summer break is over, and it is time to go to Ardennes forest with the lads. With the wet in the picture, Spa will be special.

So, there is Trash Talk for this week. Marcy is probably gonna come along and yammer about Nate Ebner and whatnot. I got one question though. Picture Walt Kowalski talking to an Ikea chair: Should the Cardinals pick up and immediately start Brian Hoyer? Bonus question: Do Watertiger’s precious Jets need Hoyer even worse than the Cardinals?

Boogie the Trash!

Bmaz is a rather large saguaro cactus in the Southwestern Sonoran desert. A lover of the Constitution, law, family, sports, food and spirits. As you might imagine, a bit prickly occasionally. Bmaz has attended all three state universities in Arizona, with both undergraduate and graduate degrees from Arizona State University, and with significant post-graduate work (in physics and organic chemistry, go figure) at both the University of Colorado in Boulder and the University of Arizona. Married, with both a lovely child and a giant Sasquatch dog. Bmaz has been a participant on the internet since the early 2000’s, including active participation in the precursor to Emptywheel, The Next Hurrah. Formally joined the Emptywheel blog as an original contributing member at its founding in 2007. Bmaz grew up around politics, education, sports and, most significantly, cars; notably around Formula One racing and Concours de Elegance automobile restoration and showing. Currently lives in the Cactus Patch with his lovely wife and beast of a dog, and practices both criminal and civil trial law.
45 replies
  1. bmaz says:

    @P J Evans: Thank you; we will be fine. I am merely whining, people in southern Louisiana are seriously hurting. They deserve sympathy. I have spent the horror of my situation mixing margaritas with the blade of a battery drill, keeping up with an iPhone and generally being cantankerous. My lot is not all that bad, other that I was interrupted in my trash talk authorship and am now quite inebriated.

  2. JohnT says:

    Sad day on the intertubes … Boise State goes down

    And, I’m shocked, shocked I say, that Bama’s playing a real team this weekend. Usually they start out with someone like the Birmingham College of Hair Design

  3. Petrocelli says:

    Sorry about your power interruptions, bmaz, I’m sending ya Steaks, Lobster and chilled Leffe …

    Happy Labor Day to the Greatest Bunch of Friends on teh toobz !

  4. bmaz says:

    @Petrocelli: Petro!!!!!

    Dammit, I just sent greetings to Skdadl though an intermediary earlier. Man, I miss her.

    What is it about you Canucks that is so endearing?? Okay, maybe not yer BBQing ass, but you know….

  5. Petrocelli says:

    @bmaz: I tried to contact skdadl several times, via emails and intermediaries but no success as yet.

    We Canucks are a gentle folk … ‘cept for when we play Hockey ! *g*

    Cheers Buddy !

  6. bmaz says:

    @Petrocelli: If you keep spreading those “g”s around, MadDog (formerly “MadDogs”) will bust you. Seriously the man from Land of Many Lakes controls all “g”s.

  7. bmaz says:

    @Petrocelli: If you keep spreading those “g”s around, MadDog (formerly “MadDogs”) will bust you. Seriously the man from Land of Many Lakes controls all “g”s.

  8. emptywheel says:

    @JohnT: BAMA??

    What about the Wolvereenies?!?!?!?!

    This is supposed to be the game they lose to Appalachian State because half the team played stoned.

    This Hoke fella actually expects them to play football?

  9. Peterr says:

    I read this post twenty minutes ago, and only now has my laughter slowed down enough that I can type coherently.

    Bmaz does not do nuance? I’m shocked. Shocked, I tell you. No one could have anticipated . . .

    Now if there was a program named Over The Top And In Your Face, that’d be right up bmaz’s alley.

  10. Jim White says:

    I’m having a hard time believing the whole “monsoon” claim from bmaz. If you read this Twitter exchange, you will see that I had been pushing for a trash talk post and had even found a hubcap earlier in the day while mowing. The bmaz reference to looking for margaritas is here. I mean, it’s a friggin’ desert. Monsoons, really?

    Instead, the power interruptions were probably due to his new neighbors from Alaska plugging in too many rechargeable golf carts into the grid at one time and since he’d already been hitting the margaritas, once the lights went out the imagination took over.

    Gators have their first game this afternoon. The Muschamp staff is being incredibly stupid in their refusal to name a starting QB. There are even reports now that both QB’s will be in the game for the first snap. From his great job at Boise State, I would have thought that Brent Pease (good riddance, Tub O’Weiss, but why, oh, why did you have to go doom my Jayhawks for the foreseeable future?) was too smart to go for this crap. Reading between the lines, it appears that Jeff Driskel is the starter of the future, but his non-throwing shoulder is dinged and danged Mushcamp is too stupid to put that out as the word for why Driskel isn’t going to dominate playing time from the start.

    In baseball, the Rays are dangerously close to falling too far behind for another dramatic comeback like last year, but they do have lots of their remaining games against the Yankees and Orioles, so there are lots of nervous times ahead there.

  11. P J Evans says:

    @Jim White:
    Well, my train home on Thursday went through a downpour between Burbank and Burbank airport, and it was pouring in the Pasadena/Arcadia area. Monsoon season in SoCal – every so often, the storms come down off the mountains and make life interesting.

  12. bmaz says:

    @Jim White: Dude, you cannot see the train in SoCal from Colorado. Unless you are Sarah Palin or something. Maybe you could see the Rocky Mountains or something.

    Because that’s whats in Colorado…..

    Man, my head hurts. Must of gotten a bump on it last night or something.

    Okay, it turns out that I inadvertently left out the most important music video. And a certain Irishman really was clamoring for it to be more widely available. It is now in the main post, and it is a keeper. Most of you probably remember Marcy’s infamous “Brady Pron” video, well we got another man love of Michigan quarterback video for you today. It is really…..uh, great. Check it out upstairs.

  13. Peterr says:


    I inadvertently left out the most important music video.

    I think you mean the SECOND-most important music video. Instead of a simple photo as appears at the very top of the post, when will there be video of the pianist in the cheesehead headgear?

  14. bmaz says:

    Aw jeez, I bitch out Nuance Dragon Dictate in the post and now I get……Nuance Dragon Dictate ads when I refresh the post. Spooky!

  15. P J Evans says:

    @Jim White:
    All Pasadena has is trolleys. At least two blocks off Colorado, in the center divider of the freeway – well, the trolley goes under Colorado to get there, but…

    (Heavy rail, Union Station to points north, south, east and kind-of-west.)

  16. tjallen says:

    Woohoo, Maldonado qualifies 3rd, and the stewards only drop him to 6th place for his usual blocking maneuver. What is wrong with him? My Gramma blocks fewer drivers. Williams has upgraded its engines, its performances, and now needs to upgrade its drivers. But please, not Hamilton!

  17. bmaz says:

    @Peterr: Got news for you Padre, the contract that sets forth the agreement of Navy to periodically play this game with the Blightin Irish SPECIFIES UNEQUIVOCALLY that Navy be considered the “Home Team’.


  18. Peterr says:

    @bmaz: The contract may say Navy is the home team, but I doubt that many of the folks in the stands were rooting for the Sailing Irish.

    Then there’s the footwear . . . They sort of shout “Hi honey! We’re home . . .”

  19. freepatriot says:

    high everybody

    somebody told nebraska that it was legal to throw the ball and now nebraska looks like the 49ers running the old west coast offense

    Southern Miss is trying to put up a good effort but it’s kinda like watching bugs verses windshields

    speaking of frisco, it looks like the 49ers have got what it takes to go all the way this year, so put that on my hubcap early next year

    if that doesn’t work out I can plead insanity

    football hasn’t really been my focal point lately

    anyway, it’s good to be seen around the neighborhood

  20. bmaz says:

    @JohnT: Alright, mofo, listen here: I made healthy discussion of Roger Clemens, that is pretty much the equivalent of a Favruh reference.

    But, if not good enough for ya, here is Grandpa coaching in his first high school football game. Basically the same ‘ole Brett, running around like a kid high fiving and bear hugging everybody. Oh, and he STILL like to wing the ball way down field.

  21. chetnolian says:

    Button on top form and on pole. Amazingly his first for Maclaren.And Spa was its usual unpredictable self, dry as a bone. But the highlight of qualifying was Bruno Senna’s incredible recovery from what looked like a really terminal high speed back end breakaway. If he does nothing more interesting for the rst of his career we’ll still watch and say “How did he do that?”.

    I hope the power is back on in Az. In the morning I am rescuing a Mesa resident from a muddy Dorset field (aka the Great Dorset Steam Fair)I left him in yesterday.

  22. JohnT says:


    Roid Rage Clemens doesn’t count :p


    9ers all the way! But the Seahawks are gonna surprise a lot of people and give the West Coast Harbaugh’s a run for their money, and be the top NFC wildcard team

    PS Like I said last week, my darkhorse team for the AFC is the (… drumroll…) Raidahs. I think they’re gonna ruin a couple team’s seasons in the second half

  23. bmaz says:


    About my pick of the Wolverweenies in an upset. Looks like I picked a bad week to quit sniffin glue.

  24. Bob Schacht says:

    Well, Michigan has got itself in a major big hole, giving up 31 points before scoring themselves. I can’t remember a worse first half for Michigan, ever. But maybe I’m forgetting a few of the disasters of 3 or so years ago. But that 70? yard pass by Robinson was something else! I guess his right shoulder is OK.

    Bob in AZ

  25. JohnLopresti says:

    For the rains, it’s true that there is a sort of baja CA weather pattern which fills dry riverbeds in AZ very perilously quickly; it’s a peculiarity of the desert in that part of the world. Monsoon is the local term for it, somewhat apt; but those weather systems are dangerous.

    re skadl, i found a former email coordinate for mimikatz, maybe petro could try that. I have not interlocuted with her for years thru the epathways.

    9ers, evidently look good with the second string, according to Lowell Cohn. But, I figure Harbaugh is trying to begin with the playbook cloaked, unlike following the exigencies of ‘Camp A…’ last year. There’s a wildcard, however; NFL this season begins with gray striped zebras. Penalties? What penalties?

    This year, there are going to be catamarans on the bay, courtesy of Oracle. Almost as good as catapaults, of which freepatriot has one in reserve, if I recall.

    I may have missed a Bmaz historical essay, however, I wondered how 11-182 AZ v USA, got implemented; the case re asking any noncitizen for proof of citizenality, the only element of the Republican passed AZ law left standing after Scotus edited it. Verrilli at argument had contended a traffic stop was guaranteed to take 70 minutes because the clearinghouse for verification operates with a delay from excess verification requests over the radio; @p66 q.v.; Clement countered 10 minutes lesc.

  26. bmaz says:

    @JohnLopresti: It got remanded and is still pending in the trial court with Sue bolton as judge. O/As the other day; I couldn’t go, but am told she may be inclined to let it go forward.

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