If Hillary Named Fat Al Gore a Foreign Terrorist Organization…

I’ve been thinking about how things would be different if Hillary Clinton named Fat Al Gore–my metaphorical name for climate change–a Foreign Terrorist Organization.

The FTO designation, you’ll recall, is the official designation that signals the US considers an entity a dangerous terrorist organization. The criteria are:

  • The organization must be foreign based.
  • The organization engages in terrorist activity or terrorism, or retains the capability and intent to engage in terrorist activity or terrorism.
  • The terrorist activity or terrorism of the organization threatens the security of United States nationals or national security of the United States.

As I see it, the “foreign based” is the only stretch here. While American carbon use is one big contributor to Fat Al Gore (in the same way American foreign policy has been one contributor to Islamic terrorism), we can ultimately claim Fat Al Gore lives in the atmosphere. That’s foreign, right?

As for terrorism? Fat Al Gore’s latest incarnation has shut down the entire Eastern Seaboard. Pictures of Sandy have inspired awe and fear even among experienced Fat Al Gore watchers. Sandy will do billions in damage, and has already killed 51 people. This is a spectacular, horrifying disaster, just as terrorist attacks are.

Perhaps you could argue Fat Al Gore is not a terrorist because it has no political goals. But I think Mother Nature probably does have some policies she’d like us to implement. Hell, we’re going to change our policies in response to Fat Al Gore one way or another, the question is when.

And clearly Fat Al Gore threatens the US–more than any other terrorist right now (and that would be true even without Frankenstorm bearing down on the East Coast).

If Hillary named Fat Al Gore an FTO, the first effect would be to criminalize financial support of Fat Al Gore. Chevron’s $2.5 million donation to defeat Democrats? Material support of terrorism. Continued subsidies to the fossil fuel industry? Material support of terrorism. We could even start arresting people pursuing policies that support Fat Al Gore and throw them away for long prison terms.

The other thing that naming Fat Al Gore an FTO would do is change our response. No longer would it be enough to respond competently (or incompetently) when Fat Al Gore attacks our country. No longer would a reactive response be enough. The goal would change, immediately and at great political cost, to–as much as possible–preventing Fat Al Gore from striking the country.

Now, if Hillary did name Fat Al Gore an FTO, you can be sure all the politicians who’ve been in the back pocket of Fat Al Gore would complain. They’d argue the designations were political.

But as I see it, that complaint was neutralized when State removed MEK from the FTO. Tom Ridge was quite happy when State used designations politically with MEK. How can he complain when designations work the other way, by holding him responsible for supporting Fat Al Gore.

One thing’s clear: our primary security apparatus–that fighting terrorism–does not now address our primary security threat–Fat Al Gore. Maybe it’s time to change that.

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5 Responses to If Hillary Named Fat Al Gore a Foreign Terrorist Organization…

Emptywheel Twitterverse
bmaz @Javakev He could have kept his sorry ass out of it after years of pretending he was the salve on the American wound he was not
8mreplyretweetfavorite
emptywheel @dkmich I think we're using road funding to pay for @SchuetteOnDuty's stupid serial national lawsuits.
17mreplyretweetfavorite
emptywheel @RustBeltRebel Peaceful brown people being killed by white men with dogs. You know, peaceful.
28mreplyretweetfavorite
bmaz And, with nothing more as substance in a time of obvious turmoil, Obama has proven what a hollow shell of a Dem leader he really is+has been
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JimWhiteGNV RT @barbaraslavin1: .@lrozen has a more optimistic take: Last days of #Iran talks showed signs of promise http://t.co/M1bxOQ4mhe via @AlMon
38mreplyretweetfavorite
bmaz For a man who supposedly made his bones as a "civil rights scholar", Obama's bleating statement on Ferguson was some pissant weak sauce.
40mreplyretweetfavorite
JimWhiteGNV End this tyranny! https://t.co/qI6mZb9iOm Help us, Florida #Gators
41mreplyretweetfavorite
emptywheel @JoeSudbay I studied it, I think when I was making fun of Cowan and Obama both being BIFFOs. And yes, I'm quite proud of it.
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emptywheel @JoeSudbay Admit it. You take great pride in being able to spell Taoiseach w/o peeking. @EndaKennyTD
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emptywheel RT @RudyHavenstein: I saw this picture of some of the looters. #Ferguson http://t.co/j1QoXnBTZP
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emptywheel @johnson_carrie I just think not enough people noticed how absolutely outrageous FBI is being on these re-declassifications.
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emptywheel @johnson_carrie Thank @charlie_savage who (as I said) did the work of flagging all changes. How's it feel to be SECRET/NOFORN?
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