Okay, Okay, Invade Michigan. But You Can’t Have the Coaches Back.

John Cole has found a solution to the Big 2.5’s woes–and frankly, it sounds a whole lot smarter than Bob Corker’s plan to require two corporations to revoke the pensions of a bunch of blue collar retirees. And he’s right–the Republicans are gonna love this plan.

His solution? Invade Michigan, make it safe for democracy again.

We need to invade Michigan and rebuild the state from the ground up. We will be greeted as liberators, we have clear supply lines, and we can easily rebuild the auto industry with the kind of money we spend on other countries we invade. Hell, our new Secretary of State, Hillary of Clinton, spent the better part of the past year fighting for the rights of average folks from Michigan, so think of the good will we have with the public. This is very doable. Just tell Congress we will give KBR no-bid contracts to fix Detroit.

Thing is, I’m a little suspicious of John’s motives. You see, John’s from West Virginia, and he’s a sports fan. 

I just have this awful feeling that John’s great plan is really a plot to come to Michigan and steal back the two coaches we stole from West Virginia, hoops coach John Beilein and football coach Rich Rodriguez. Sure sure, Rodriguez hasn’t yet worked out like we’d like. But Michigan’s basketball victory over Duke is one of the only good things that has happened to Michigan of late (I mean, think of the Lions!!), and I’m just not willing to give Beilein back.

So, fine. If you must, invade Michigan. Please bring bales of cash, just like they did in Iraq.

But you can’t have our sports coaches.

33 replies
  1. MadDog says:

    I’m guessing we could even get a Coalition together if we invite our Hoser Canadian allies to the party. I hear Toronto has dibs on Detroit.

    And I know Swissconsin would be happy to return the Upper Peninsula to the fold where it belongs.

    And here in Minnesota, we’re looking at the maps but we may pass since it’s a long way by water and if we had to go by land, we’d probably have to pay Blago a bribe or two to sneak through Illinois.

  2. bell says:

    the thought of invading a place (where heathens live, lol) to bring them democracy sounds like a republican idea… i think they’ll go for it!

  3. corry342 says:

    I was thinking the opposite–the argument for invading Michigan is to secure the porous border with Canada. After all, if dangerous ideas like socialized medicine are going to take root, doesn’t Windsor seem like a likely gateway?

  4. MrWhy says:

    John Cole was overheard saying to Senator Mitch McConnell:

    “Shock and awe. The Michiganders won’t know what hit them. We can be in and out within six weeks without a single casualty.”


  5. JohnLopresti says:

    I forget MI pro ball mostly, though Hall of Fame is reporting Bobby Layne migrated to PA, perhaps simply astride one of his 80-yard spirals, following his original coach. so, hold on to the coaches. I think invasion by land inadvisable. We have to protect the potato growers. Someday out-of-staters will wish they had a local source for all the good things potatoes make, when US has stopped making cars because of a surfeit of leisure and the resurgent vibrancy of village economies.

  6. corry342 says:

    Given the mercifully short duration of the Bush Administration, Michigan may have to accelerate the process by threatening the United States, and then denying that they have weapons of mass destruction. This should trigger an invasion, surrender and subsequent rebuilding, notwithstanding that Jane can simultaneously produce the live action remake of The Mouse That Roared.

  7. radiofreewill says:

    It took West Virginia three years to figure out Rodriguez’ Playbook – you Michiganders shouldn’t look for much before Barack’s second term.

  8. masaccio says:

    Debbie Stabenow on Rachel saying she thinks the administration is going to do something to salvage the auto industry.

    I wonder how many people in Spring Hill, Tennessee, are feeling good about voting for the Union-busting Alexander and Corker? They vote their religion, which is more important than their jobs, and now they get neither. Is this the 2 x 4 up the side of their heads that will teach them to vote their economic interests instead of their pastor’s beliefs? And maybe the pastors will feel the pinch of loss of tithes, and who knows, maybe they’ll realize that the financial interests of the community are more important than interfering in other people’s lives.

  9. prostratedragon says:

    I suspect he can have Rodriguez; that awful year we just saw aside, I’m not persuaded about running the spread as the primary offense in the BigTen. But I’ll admit to having stopped growling at the mention of Beilein’s name, though the glow from the Duke win isn’t up to the 3 or 4 months of reliable cooing delight I was able to get out of recalling January’s Great Florida Smackdown, second only to 1997’s State College PAving.

  10. freepatriot says:

    send back the Lions head coach instead, see if they notice the difference

    some people see a problem, I see an opportunity …

    is this a trash talking thread, or are you trying out a hybrid here, or WHAT ???

    fuck it, I’m Doin it …


  11. Valley Girl says:

    I know this is OT, EW, but I’ve been trying to analyze the Senate “auto vote”, based on info from SteveAudio http://steveaudio.blogspot.com…..ight.html, trying to figure out based on “right to work states” and states that auto plants, and I just happened upon this:


    ~~It’s that relationship that’s prompted representatives from such companies as Toyota, which has an assembly plant in Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell’s home state of Kentucky and planned facilities in Mississippi, to urge a bailout for their domestic competitors.

    “I’ve talked to several Toyota executives and they are very concerned,” said David Cole, chairman of the Center for Automotive Research in Ann Arbor, Mich. “The supply base is so tightly woven that you can’t separate them at all. Failure would have a devastating impact on all regions but particularly the Midwest and South. Because of the tightly knit web of suppliers, a failure of a GM or Ford would take the supply base down for a considerable time and create an economic tsunami.” ~~~

    Apologies if this has been already covered. I’ve been off in the weeds, trying to analyze the Senate vote.

    • ThingsComeUndone says:

      Toyota is also worried about racism and protective tariffs if the big three go under.
      The GOP however are counting on that to return to power. This is a very low success strategy but it worked for the GOP in the 70’s.
      Toyota is very vulnerable to charges of using slave labor to build cheaper cars than the Americans.

      We can use human rights to justify tariffs. We can play hardball with the South
      Ban cars made in whole or in part by slave labor or just ban entire companies whole product lines.
      I would like to see Southern GOP Senators argue that the big three should compete with slave labor.
      I wonder when the MSM hacks are going to point out that American car workers building the same car for the same company don’t get National Healthcare like Japanese workers do.


      The Japanese spend less than we do, insure everyone, and they live longer (which I think is the ultimate measure of any healthcare system, that and infant mortality).

      • ThingsComeUndone says:

        The GOP is working to kill unions good bye Reagen Democrats. Carter took the blame for the economy last time, Obama will take the blame only if he fails to be FDR enough on the economy.
        The GOP to go Reagen must POLITELY convince moderate voters that Cadillac Driving Chicago Welfare Moms who don’t exist have stolen all their money…and NOT THE BANKS!
        Politeness is in short supply at the GOP even Sarah Palin can’t finesse the moderate voters. The GOP needs to fail some more to hit bottom.
        Our Problem as always is the lack of a spine Harry and Nancy must go.

  12. bobschacht says:

    Michiganders might fight to keep John Beilein– he seems like the real deal, at long last, to bring back BB glory to AA. Don’t forget, the Wolverines not only knocked off #4 Duke, but previously knocked off #4 UCLA. I caught a good bit of the Duke game, and they seem talented, athletic, and well-coached. At least until other teams learn how to counter the 1-3-1.

    Bob in HI
    Michigan 1972

  13. pdaly says:

    As part of the invasion of MI, why not establish a new car company: the Firedoglake Mobiles, Inc.?

    FDL could brand their cars as the greenest around. First production line, the Obamobile.

  14. JimWhite says:

    Serious MI invasion threat: I saw a report last night where Tebow says it’s 50-50 right now whether he comes back for his senior year or goes NFL. Tebow QB’ing the Lions? That’s team-building you can believe in!

    Guess it is a trash talk thread by default.

    Hey freep: If you ain’t a Gator, you’re Gator Bait. Florida 35, Oklahoma 14.

  15. ThingsComeUndone says:

    Give KBR contracts ugggh! their record of building stuff in Iraq makes government connected Chicago Contractors seem cost effective, timely and reliable.
    Blaggo has a better record getting stuff done than Bush and KBR has on Iraq.

  16. radiofreewill says:

    When you Rig the Looms with Racism and Greed, the Weave is Set

    Everything that follows is the Result of Steady Shuttling

    Leaving a Trail of the Same Pattern Repeated

    Locking-down Social Control

    And Locking US in

    Who are We?

    • Mauimom says:

      By the way, I have a work project for a few hours, then will get Trash Talk up. Trash here in the meantime.

      Where ARE your priorities????

  17. ltgra says:

    And Michigan Volleyball lost to Nebraska In a match that a traffic snarl kept me from attending last night.

    Hopefully the Huskies will put a stop to that run. TONIGHT in Seattle

  18. klynn says:

    This is not a new idea. MI gets invaded every other year around November 18-24th. The last two invasions have been difficult on MI…

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