Super Bowl 50 Trash Talk

It’s the most wonderful time of the year again…..Super Bowl time! Yet, for all the incessant hype, this one feels a little flat to me. Maybe it is because I so wanted the Cardinals to be there. Maybe it is because, just as much, if not more, I wanted the Patriots there so as to drive bilious jackass Roger Goodell crazy. Maybe it is because the thought of cobbled together halftime show of Coldplay, Bruno Mars and Beyonce makes me want to vomit. What, was Nickelback not available? Maybe it is the fact that ESPN seems to have cloned the unctuous Stephen A. Smith so that he can annoyingly be on their air 24 hours a day for the last two weeks. Maybe it is because I have heard horror stories from pretty much every person I know in the Bay area about how interrupted and on security lockdown status the entire area has been. Maybe it is because everybody thinks it will be a blowout, like Super Bowls of yore, instead of a great game like last year.

But all griping aside, the game is nigh. Two truly superb defenses. For all the talk of Denver’s kick ass defense, Carolina strikes me as being nearly as good, with excellent strength in all three levels. Allen and Johnson upfront, Kuechly and Davis in the middle and Josh Norman on the back end. That is pretty damn formidable. The rest of the Carolina DB’s are decent, but not great, and if Manning is going to make hay, that’s where it will probably be. So, while the Broncos may have a slight edge on defense, it really is slight.

Which brings us to the offense. The conventional wisdom is that Carolina is overwhelmingly superior, and that is were the game is lost. Frankly, that is probably right. The Donks won, but certainly didn’t light the field up against the Pats, who have a good defense, but nothing like the Panthers have. But Manning has two more weeks of relative rest and practice. Several people watching him are saying he looks as good or better than at any time this year. That is good news as he was mostly horrible this year. I think Manning has a little magic left in him and will play well. Will it be enough? I wouldn’t bet on it. The current line is Panthers by 5.5. Both teams have all players as probable or better, so come in healthy and ready to go.

What else is up in random sports musings? Johnny Football is officially Johnny Fucked now. When even your father is saying you are on a death track, it’s bad. The Dallas cops took the report from his rather bizarre reported incident and then promptly announced the investigation was closed and there would be no charges. I am not privy to how it came to be closed without charges with a report containing such bad facts. But, generally, my experience is it means that the alleged victim was seen as not particularly credible AND indicated she didn’t want to cooperate in prosecution. The facts reported would appear to indicate both misdemeanor and felony conduct if believed. Cops and prosecutors still charge that if they truly believe the complainant, whether she wants to cooperate or not. So, my bet is there is a credibility issue. But, suddenly yesterday, Crowley got a restraining order and told the cops she wants to cooperate, and the “investigation” is reopened. We shall see what comes of it all, but the whole thing is pretty sad. Looks to me like Manziel and his ex-girlfriend Crowley both need some serious help. Let’s hope they get it.

Noticed how so many ads surrounding the Super Bowl refer to “The Big Game” instead of “The Super Bowl”? I have, and it turns out there is a reason. Could it be that Goodell and the NFL are sociopathic jackass asshole bullies? Of course. From BostInno:

The obvious reason for this is that the NFL fiercely protects its brand, allowing only a handful of “official sponsors” who pay exorbitant fees to use the term Super Bowl. Everyone else risks trademark infringement if they say Super Bowl. This is why most choose to say “big game” instead.

“But the NFL is a bully and has been known to send cease & desist letters to advertisers of all sizes using “Super Bowl,” and when you get a C&D from someone known to be litigious and to have really deep pockets, you usually cease and desist.”

Is there really legal precedent clearly on the NFL’s side here? No, of course not. The better argument is that it is an ubiquitous phrase and incidental use of it is “fair use”. But no one wants to take on supremely litigious assholes like Goodell and the NFL, so they all cower. By the way, a Stanford study found that Super Bowl ads are an ineffective waste of money in most instances.

In more Goodell and NFL assholery, at this big Super Bowl press conference, Goodell got asked about the data and results from the league’s year long ball inflation testing. Well, that was just another #Deflategate lie from Goodell and the league, like everything else they put forward against Brady and the Pats in #Deflategate was a lie. When the excellent Tom Curran of CSN asked Goodell about the league data, boy did he get a load of horseshit from Goodell:

Aren’t you glad we got to the bottom of that PSI thing with White Shoes Goodell?

Brutal.

His 309-word answer when I asked at his Friday press conference what constitutes a ball pressure violation and whether any balls measured under 12.5 PSI in 2015 was a study in deflection.

He didn’t so much answer as he did orally ejaculate syllables for a prescribed length of time before he felt safe to go on to a stuttering query about whether the Pro Bowl will ever be played in Austria.

Before I left the ballroom where Goodell held his press conference at a dais made up like an altar, I realized – with some help – that the NFL doesn’t care about PSI.

They don’t care to know how much air pressure a football will lose on a 28-degree evening with freezing rain or on a crisp 46-degree day under bright sunshine.

They didn’t go into the 2015 season trying to find out if they’d convicted Tom Brady of a crime he didn’t commit.

So, #Deflategate was the giant fraud I said it was from the get go? Yes. And it continues to so be.

Gronk is at the Super Bowl. Here he is, with brother no less, in a Buffalo Wild Wings chicken wing eating contest. Here he is giving a lap dance to a rather attractive Fox Sports reporter, Julie Stewart-Binks, who asked the Gronk about his Magic Mike lap dance prowess. Pretty, uh, wild, but all seemed to genuinely have fun. Perhaps the best take came from Stewart-Binks’ Fox Sports colleague Katie Nolan (who is great):

“It’s Gronk. He’s gonna do what he’s gonna do. He’s a really nice guy who knows what his brand is. People pitch him segments based on his brand, so he won’t be like “NO!” become something might make him look uncool. But I think when were we’re in sports, and there are only so many women, and that’s how a show chooses to use them… I would love a lap dance from Gronk. I wouldn’t televise it. I wouldn’t use that time to be like, ‘Here’s what it’s like to get a lap dance from Gronk.’ I don’t think anyone meant any harm by it, but the most shared moment from my network today is gonna be a woman getting titty-fucked by Gronk on a couch.”

Anyway, that’s a wrap, enjoy the Super Bowl. Music today by Bob Marley, as requested by our very long time reader and commenter, RadioFreeWill, who I had several beers with last night.

Bmaz is a rather large saguaro cactus in the Southwestern Sonoran desert. A lover of the Constitution, law, family, sports, food and spirits. As you might imagine, a bit prickly occasionally. Bmaz has attended all three state universities in Arizona, with both undergraduate and graduate degrees from Arizona State University, and with significant post-graduate work (in physics and organic chemistry, go figure) at both the University of Colorado in Boulder and the University of Arizona. Married, with both a lovely child and a giant Sasquatch dog. Bmaz has been a participant on the internet since the early 2000’s, including active participation in the precursor to Emptywheel, The Next Hurrah. Formally joined the Emptywheel blog as an original contributing member at its founding in 2007. Bmaz grew up around politics, education, sports and, most significantly, cars; notably around Formula One racing and Concours de Elegance automobile restoration and showing. Currently lives in the Cactus Patch with his lovely wife and beast of a dog, and practices both criminal and civil trial law.
61 replies
  1. bloopie2 says:

    “By the way, a Stanford study found that Super Bowl ads are an ineffective waste of money in most instances.” I’d bet that’s true with most ads, Super Bowl or not. Can’t remember the last time I clicked on an ad that Google sent me.
    .
    Anyhow, I’m munching on last weekend’s pork tenderloin, sliced thin and on thin crusty bread, straight up otherwise. What’s on the menu this weekend? I shoveled the snow off the deck, and will be grilling as usual.

  2. rosalind says:

    i too was a Super Bowl halftime cynic UNTIL i found out my favorite kids in the world – YOLA (Youth Orchestra of Los Angeles) are performing alongside Mr. Martin et co under the direction of the irrepressible Gustavo Dudamel.
    .
    https://youtu.be/FveDFyqznG8?list=PLB6DC82B650F4C58C
    .
    YOLA is an amazing program giving kids access to music education based on Venezuela’s El Sistema. I wrote a diary at myFDL about them that I discovered is archived at Shadowproof (thanks Kevin & Brian!):
    .
    https://shadowproof.com/2012/02/25/saturday-art-yola-youth-orchestra-of-l-a/

  3. Jim White says:

    .
    Hold on just a gol-durned minute here! Don’t you go shooting the sheriff before his big chance to go out a winner. Just because your coddled, cheating Bieber didn’t cheat enough this year to be in the Big Game, don’t take it out on Peyton.
    .
    I’ll be pulling for Sheriff Old Fart, but won’t be too upset if the Panthers pull it out. They’ve managed to put together a team that looks set to be very good for quite a while and are lots of fun to watch.
    .
    Big test coming up in an hour and a half for the Gator men’s basketball team in Lexington. I think they have a chance. Their win over West Virginia was impressive and they’ve had a couple of near misses against very good teams on the road (Michigan State and the Aggies), so maybe this is the time they put it together. And the women’s basketball team has notched four wins already this year against ranked teams, so they’re on quite a roll.
    .
    Less than two weeks now until the undisputed number one Gator baseball team opens its season. Can’t wait!

    • Bay State Librul says:

      Be careful Jim, Manning may turn out to be a cheater.
      See his private dicks and Ari for more info

      The Manning affair looks like a Clemens replay, with Debbie and Roger’s team of lawyers,
      PR guys, and stinking liars.

  4. Jim White says:

    .
    Ugh. Kentucky hit four of their first five three pointers and never looked back. Gators made up some ground in second half but still got trounce.

  5. P J Evans says:

    They’ve announced the new crop of Hall of Fame entrants: Favre, Kevin Greene, Kenny Stabler, Tony Dungy, Eddie de Bartolo, and some others.
    (Terrell Owens didn’t make it – his first year of eligibility.)

    • scribe says:

      The sad part of the HoF selections is that Snake was no better this year than in any of the last 30, but he’s dead this year and died without knowing he’d made the HoF.
      .
      As to TO’s eligibility, I think the voters decided to hold off on him because he’s still pitching himself as available to play. Recall, when the Patsies were out of receivers earlier this year, TO made a big deal about publicly announcing he’d welcome a call from Cheatin’ Bill and that he was keeping himself in shape. That call never came, BTW.
      .
      I’m working on a lead for a “Tom Brady’s 2015 F’k You Tour” t-shirt. (no asterisks) You won’t get it.
      ,
      My like is the Broncos. My suspicion is that King Roger the Clown has decreed that it will be Cam Newton because he smiles and is nice and unthreatening and gives the ball to kids as souvenirs.* All the better to distract from the Peyton Manning-Ari Fleisher-goon PR team beating down the cheating stories. Interesting, per Fox Sports Radio yesterday (I was on the road for a while w/ nothing better to listen to) that the AJ story that kicked over the Manning thing was initially their work trying to suss out PEDs in track and field for their Euro audience (where track and field are a big deal). They started running into American football players and, being Euro types and not knowing squat about American football and less about its players, had little idea who Peyton Manning was nor his importance to The Game. So, said the raydidido, Ol’ Noodlearm was collateral damage. Or, maybe, he just happened to be the well-camouflaged, unknown ammo dump that lit up the night when a wayward bomb hit it.

      * Of course, OJ Simpson was the smiling, handsome, unthreatening guy who was Money for corporate America and The League, too. And we all know how that turned out. I wound up watching a lot of the A&E show on the OJ saga – 20 years ago now – and came away with the decided conclusion (a couple decades of hanging around courthouses having increased both my cynicism and my ability to parse out the bullshit) that that motherf-er got away with murder bigtime. A real testament to the power of keeping your goddamn mouth shut, good defense lawyering, and overwhelming publicity. And to the same thing that’s driving Ferguson and Black Lives Matter today: minorities distrust the police and are quite right to do so. As the rest of us also should. That, and the way the prosecution handled his case and handed the defense all sorts of issues confirmed what I thought at the time: he should have been acquitted because the prosecution f’d up time after time. After he was hauled into civil court and ran into adversary lawyers who knew what the f’k they were doing, he had no chance.

      He’s eligible for parole next year, BTW. Would that it were King Roger the Clown wolfing Nutra-loaf while in his metal box.

      • bmaz says:

        Seriously???????

        People are beating up on Peyton for, after being notified there was a hit piece on him, trying to figure what exactly was going on, and who was behind it? That is simply asinine. And his two so called “goons” identified themselves as investigators, not necessarily “police”. Even the Sly family said once they talked to them, they invited them in, everything was appropriate and it was a misunderstanding. All ended up on good terms. The media hype is just the typical ignorant on legal matters idiotic asinine bullshit. The Al Jazeera report was garbage from the jump, and the shit keeps flowing from it.

          • bmaz says:

            You have been around. Good PI’s always claim to be “Investigators”, in an effort to start off as official, but they never lie and claim are sworn law enforcement. And I highly doubt these two did anything different. Do good PI’s play that edge? Sure. So what. The Sly family ended up liking them better than the dishonest jackasses at Al Jazeera. But the beyond ignorant as to law sports media instead sing the idiotic “goon” meme.

            • scribe says:

              Students:
              .
              You now see method 7 for livening up an otherwise boring trash talk thread: Get BMAz going with something that goes cross-grain to his natural, litigious criminal defense attorney nature. He is now going on about the presumption of innocence and the ignorance of the talking heads who yak about sports and have no clue about the law.
              .
              Note too that, while he’s right, the thread only gets rolling when he starts going off after being provoked.

              • bmaz says:

                I have not only heard it, I have seen the unequivocal statements and actions of Sly’s parents afterwards. They not only say the interaction with the two investigators went well and professionally, they brought them into their house and facilitated a Skype chat with their son Charlie. The way the media is portraying this is absolute bullshit.

                • Peterr says:

                  The key word in your comment being “afterwards.” Somehow, I would imagine the PIs acted a bit more professionally once the call to 911 was made.

                  • bmaz says:

                    No, I will bet a fair amount that is exactly how it went and that they never knew the daughter was calling 9/11 from another part of the house.

          • bmaz says:

            Don’t be a homer only, with blinders to everything else. You eagerly bought in when I said from the jump that Deflategate was legally complete shit. And it was. So far, the Manning HGH thing looks every bit as sketchy and asinine. The Al Jazeera report was complete shit. Their only real source recanted before they published, and looked like crap even if he had not. Give the same presumption and benefit to Manning that you give to Brady. As individuals, and citizens, they both deserve it, regardless of whether you root for one or the other, or neither.

            • Bay State Librul says:

              I am a proud homer
              —-

              What I don’t understand is the shipment to his wife?
              —–
              He has not denied that?

              • bmaz says:

                Indeed, he has never denied that and has, in fact confirmed it. Which, obviously, means diddly shit as to him. Unless you are interested in manufacturing crap out of innuendo like Goodell, Wells and NFL did from ambiguous, drunk, joke text messages by Patriots equipment staff.

        • emptywheel says:

          I’m hoping this means you’ll move back to Peyton as you guy and leave the Pats to me again, if Peyton comes back after tonight.

            • Peterr says:

              If the Donks win, you are absolutely right. He’ll ride off into the sunset.
              .
              But if they lose, don’t underestimate the power of ego. I can hear the conversation with Elway right now . . . “John, you’re a QB. You know what it’s like. I know I’ve got one more good season – at least one more – if you can get me some decent linemen. We got to the Super Bowl with crap for protection; think what we can do if I’ve got a little help in front of me. I do NOT want to leave football like this. I want to go out on top — and deep down, you know you agree with me.”
              .
              Do not underestimate the power of Payton talking to Elway. Ego reaching out to ego is a fearful combination.

              • bmaz says:

                Maybe. But if Manning comes back, at least as a starting QB, doubt it is with the Broncos. Kubiak is ready to move on, and Osweiller is a free agent and Kubiak and Elway’s best option. Elway is not stupid.

                • Peterr says:

                  “Everybody said I was done when my neck was injured, but I knew I still had it in me, and you knew I was right. You ignored what everyone else said, and believed me. Now, everyone is saying I am done again, and again, I know I still have it. You believed me then, and you should believe me now. You know QBs, and you know me. We are so close — let’s give it one more shot.”

                    • Peterr says:

                      On the one hand, that makes sense. On the other hand, I hear a very different conversation between Payton and the owner . . .
                      .
                      Manning: Mr. Kroenke, I know you are a businessman, looking to make the best deal. I am here, I am available, and I am ready to help you start a new chapter in the history of the Rams. Everyone says I’m washed up, but I know that I’ve still got it. They said the same thing when I hurt my neck, and I led a miserable Broncos team to the Super Bowl.
                      .
                      Kroenke: You’ve got my attention. Go on.
                      .
                      Manning: I look at you and the deal that will move the Rams from St. Louis to LA, and I said to myself, “Here’s an owner I could really work for.” When the NFL said they wanted to move back into LA, the Raiders and the Chargers were the preferred teams. They were making their noises, making their plans, and everyone in the world nodded sagely, but they didn’t plan on you. You took on the conventional wisdom of the NFL, and made the whole league bend to your way of thinking. Make me your QB, and let’s make the whole league bend again.
                      .
                      Kroenke: OK, how much?
                      .
                      Manning: How much? You mean salary?
                      .
                      Kroenke: (laughter) No, how much are you going to pay me?
                      .
                      Manning: What!?!?
                      .
                      Kroenke: It’s a simple question, Payton. You’re a desperate man. What’s it worth to you, to have another year on the field? . . .

  6. felonious says:

    Many years I have been mostly indifferent to this exercise of corporate self promotion but the Patriots brought me back to the game because, well, they are decidedly anti-corporate outside of the owners box brought to you by Viacom/CBS. This year I have no interest outside of the fleeting hope that Cam Newton will be validated. Careful, Bmaz, the league will next appropriate the Marley catalog for in game sing alongs, “Get Up, Stand Up”, “Trenchtown Rock”, and for Bart Scott to Brady, “No Woman No Cry”. Ther players will gather for a celbratory halftime spliff and hilarity ensues.

  7. bloopie2 says:

    Here’s my pre-game observations (ripped off from the Internet). And don’t tell me they’re meaningless; I’ve put a lot of work into copying these. “They have to execute in all phases of the game.” “These are two great teams, with great players and coaches on both sides of the ball. Still, only one team can win.” “This is where legends are made. They’ll have to remember what got them here.” “If this team doesn’t put points on the board I don’t see how they can win.” Honestly. What more need be said?

    • bmaz says:

      “We are going to take it one play at a time, play the full game, and I’m just happy to be in the show”
      /s/ Crash Davis

  8. scribe says:

    BMAz: the hockey game just finished up and now they’re showing some golf tournament sponsored by the garbagemen going on out in your neighborhood. Any traffic problems? They say the crowd is approaching Woodstock size…..

    • bmaz says:

      There were over two hundred thousand at the Phoenix Open yesterday alone. After three days, total attendance is over 550,000. Which is surreal for a golf tournament. They will easily clear 600,000 for the tournament as a whole after today. No traffic implications for me though, I am not that close to it.

    • bmaz says:

      Oh, look, it is the supercilious SluggahJells sock puppet. Just so everybody here knows who they are dealing with. And who is lording their oh so “golden” comments over us with.

  9. bloopie says:

    This AFC resident is just glad that the Patriots can’t win. Enough of them. (Is that envy or jealousy?)

  10. scribe says:

    King Roger so desperate for viewers, his ad states one gets laid for watching football.
    .
    That may crash viewership later in the game. His paying advertisers will be unhappy. There will be givebacks.

  11. John Casper says:

    FWIW, I’m mildly rooting for the Panthers, because of their OC, Mike Shula. Shula took the Crimson Tide job when the NCAA cut their scholarships. Failing with the Dolphins, little Nicky Saban used the Tide’s tough seasons to badmouth Shula and worm his way into Tuscaloosa. OT, Mike’s Dad, Don, was very generous to the Oglala Sioux in Pine Ridge South Dakota.

  12. bmaz says:

    As usual lately, the halftime show was cobbled together calm rubbish. Stevie wonder, the Stones, McCartney, and Springsteen put on cohesive singular show. Yeah, maybe I am an old fogey, but this kind of show just doesn’t cut it for me.

    • Peterr says:

      The production values (sound mix, etc.) was really bad.
      .
      Oh, and in a dance-off between Bruno Mars and Beyonce, Bruno is waaaay out of his league.

        • Peterr says:

          Coming back from the last halftime commercials, there was a little music teaser featuring Carlos Santana.
          .
          If you want a truly glorious Bay Area halftime show, *that* is who they should have given the stage to.

        • Peterr says:

          This is the same network that has Jim “a tradition unlike all others” doing the play by play. What did you expect?

  13. orionATL says:

    am i mis-remembering or did orange scimitars coming from the outside line make tom brady’s life miserable in the afl championship game?

    next years most copied defensive strategies.
    wade phillips should go on tour.

  14. orionATL says:

    #22 just would not go down, he could have quit pushing (backwards) but he would not quit. i love guys/gals who play like that.

  15. bloopie2 says:

    What a boring game. I turned it off after Carolina fumbled with 4 minutes left. Anything exciting happen after that? More points off turnovers? Stupid and boring.

  16. Jim White says:

    .
    A big win for Old Farts everywhere. Very happy for Peyton. He wouldn’t say so in the first postgame interview, but I think you can count on him walking off into the sunset after this.

    • bloopie2 says:

      Yes, good for him. I just wish we would have seen more from him and his team offensively, would have put a bit of shine on it for him, a last hurrah to remember — as it is, the team defense won the game, not the offense. Still, it’s the Super Bowl, and they wouldn’t have been there without him.

  17. JohnT says:

    I know this sounds sacrilegious, but I missed the game. Getting settled in to my new place, right next to the lake.
    .
    And of course this game puts a perfect cap onto my football prognostication this year, because I thought the Panthers would win, and that’s how my picks have gone
    .
    Congrats to the Broncos
    .
    Ps Spring training is only a few weeks away, which is a great thing … Maybe not for everyone else cuz it’s an even year and the Giants are loaded with pitching. And my personal perfect scenario would be a Giants / Twins World Series

  18. bloopie2 says:

    “Peyton Manning Still Won’t Tell Us If He’s Retiring, Even After Super Bowl”. (Huffington Post headline on an article by Juliet Spies-Gans). Jesus, what a fucking waste of someone’s efforts and time, to write that article. Why on earth does it matter if/when he tells us? Get a life, Juliet.

  19. scribe says:

    Well, so much for football.
    .
    But the result of the game shows, despite all the efforts of King Roger the Clown and his courtiers to the contrary: defense still wins championships.

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